


Paralyzed

by starletprincecaydency



Category: 13 Reasons Why (TV)
Genre: Attempted Rape/Non-Con, Implied/Referenced Suicide, Kidnapping, M/M, Oral Sex, Public Display of Affection, Sex
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2018-07-10
Updated: 2019-05-19
Packaged: 2019-05-19 14:28:57
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence, Rape/Non-Con
Chapters: 21
Words: 63,468
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/14875523
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/starletprincecaydency/pseuds/starletprincecaydency
Summary: I apologize immensely for the wait in updating this with the second chapter. I had a lot go on in the past month with a bunch of family problems arising. Now that things have finally blown over, I decided to finally finish up this chapter and post it up. Thanks to all of you for the immense amount of bookmarks and kudos - it means a lot to me and means that my work is being loved by people.





	1. Author's Notes

**Paralyzed**

**by**

  **Cay Raine Jayde**

 • ☾✩☽•

  **Author’s Notes**

 

With the release of the second season of 13 Reasons Why, I have officially begun to rewrite my fan-fiction, originally titled 13 Reasons Why Not for a couple of reasons. First, I honestly have no idea where the original text document went on my PC. Second, I began writing 13 Reasons Why Not before the second season ever released or finished filming. I was unsure of whether or not I wanted to try and bring back the story, what with different information out in the public on Netflix. However, I decided against keeping it in favor of rewriting it to make it different but better.

 

I do want to say that this is an AU story – Alternate Universe. There will be things in this story that are purposefully different from what has been released in the second season, however whatever has happened that is included will be kept as is for the sake of correctly representing that information. There will be character differences in personalities and whatnot, so please keep in mind that again, this story is in an Alternate Universe of sorts.


	2. Welcome Back

**Chapter One**

**Welcome Back**

 

• ☾✩☽•

 

** Felix’s Point of View **

 

     It’s been quite some time since I attempted to take my own life, and since that point of my life, I’ve been stumbling through life trying to figure things out, literally and figuratively speaking. I’ve had my boyfriend and several friends by my side to help me get through things, though I’ve had to help my boyfriend the most. In the Fall that just recently passed, he shot himself in the head trying to take his own life and he’s needed all of the physical and emotional support he could take in order to start getting back to normal. His name is Alex Standall; if you’ve been attending Liberty High the past year, you already know who he is. He’s friends with Clay Jensen and Jessica Davis.

 

     I’ve been attending Liberty High since after Spring Break ended, giving me enough time to sort out my progress with my previous school in accordance with the classes here, so that I could figure out how long it would take to catch up and whatnot. However, something that’s been setting me back has been bullying; everyone at school knows all about it. I know about the case for Hannah Baker too; everyone does. It’s been getting everyone on edge, ever since the Bakers declined the school’s final offer to settle it.

 

     I found myself rolling over in bed or at least attempting to do so correctly, feeling myself fall right off of the edge and onto the floor. I whimpered out in pain and called out for Alex, my fingers attempting to grip the floor and eyes closing in defeat. Alex hobbled his way into the room with his cane, his head dropping in shame and eyes glancing over my body. “Felix, what have I told you about this? Your legs are still weak as fuck.”

 

     “Alex, I know, I’m sorry. I’m just trying to do this on my own. I hate bothering you, what with you not being able to move very well on your own..” Alex stuck his hand out to help me stand up, allowing me to pull on his hand and fall back into the bed, sighing as it took all of my energy to do so. “I’m sorry.”

 

     Alex shrugged his shoulders and sat down beside me, ruffling up my hair and kissing my cheek. “No, it’s okay, Felix. You’re trying to recover in your own ways; obviously, I get it. Tony will be here soon to help you get ready. Ready to take on the world?” I rolled my eyes and chuckled, looking at my own two feet. “Honestly? No. Everyone’s always talking about me and staring at me.” “Yeah, I know. They’ve been doing it to me too, ever since I went back to school. Even before then.. Don’t worry. Just stay close to me, Clay, Jess, Zach and Tony. We’ll help you out.”

 

     Before long, Alex was hobbling back into the room with Tony by his side, having been waiting by the door for him. “Hey there handsome. I hope I’m not too late this morning to save you.” I rolled my eyes, looking up into the Mexican’s eyes. “Not a bit, Padilla. Everything I wanna wear is on the chair in the corner. Let’s get this over with. I always hate this part.” Tony sighed, using part of his strength to pull me up and help me stay standing when my knees immediately buckled. “Yeah, I know. You gotta get better somehow though, right?”

 

     He helped me stumble over to the chair, being my source of support as I struggled endlessly to even dress myself. After ten long minutes, I was dressed in my skinny jeans and t-shirt, having Tony sit me down as I panted heavily, trying to catch my breath. He smiled at me, putting his hand on my shoulder. “You honestly did really good this morning, Felix. You’re getting a lot better every week. Keep this up and we can move on to the next part of your recovery.”

 

     I smiled, nodding to him before looking at the clock on my nightstand, seeing it was almost time to leave. “Alright, you guys ready?” With an agreement from both, I slowly stood up with Tony’s body supporting me with every step we took. Alex, even as unstable as he was, was able to move faster than I could, which honestly had me a little jealous. I wanted to be able to move more freely than this, and I wanted to be able to do more than just hobble around all the time.

 

     Tony piled us all into his car, running back inside to grab my wheelchair from by the front door. He put it into the trunk, soon getting in himself, buckling up and driving away with us. I watched the scenery go by, my hands and arms shaking like a dog who’d just gotten wet in the rain. Alex reached forward and took my hand, cocking an eyebrow and giving me a look through the passenger mirror on the sun visor. “Hey, are you okay?”

 

     I shrugged my shoulders, looking back at him and trying to swallow my fear long enough to give him a sure answer. “I don’t know. I’m scared. Bryce is still… here at school.” Tony could see me getting worked up in the corner of his eyes, and he pulled off on the side of the highway, putting his hazard lights on and turning to me. “Felix, breathe.”

 

     I could hardly pry my mind away from the thought of seeing Bryce in the halls, much less get myself to stop shaking and listen to either Alex or Tony try to get me out of it. Tony grabbed my chin and turned my head to make me look into his eyes, putting his hand on my shoulder and nodding to me. “Felix, breathe with me. It’s okay. We’ll be with you whenever you need us. I promise.”

 

     After about a minute, I was calm enough to nod to him and Alex, letting him know that he could start driving again. “Let’s go. I’m okay.” Eventually we got to the school, and after helping Alex out, Tony went to my side with the wheelchair and helped me into it. They helped roll me into a handicapped entrance, where we entered to the side of the school and met with Jessica and Clay, who greeted me very warmly to shield me from the dark reality that I was being stared at like a dead man walking.

 

     We made our way down the hall, Tony pushing me the whole way up until Bryce and Monty approached us. Jessica and company were keeping their cool rather well, but it was very obvious that my blood was running cold at the sight of the two standing in front of me. “Hey Felix; how’re ya feelin’? I know you’ve not been feeling well lately. I wanted to give you something to help.” Before I knew it, Bryce was pulling out a handful of used bullets and dropping them into my lap, my face visibly going pale as I fought to remain calm.

 

     Tony stepped forward, glaring at him and taking a powerful stance against him. “Alright, that’s enough. I think you need to stop.” Jessica could see me starting to panic and tear up, and she wheeled me away quickly before Bryce had a chance to take it any further or make things worse. Alex hobbled behind us, my breath speeding up into a near panicked state, Jessica kneeling in front of me and grabbing my cheeks to make me stare at her.

 

     “Felix, it’s okay. Shh; we’re right here. I promise. You’re not going to get hurt as long as we’re here.” I started sobbing, Clay making his way over to us with Alex. “The fuck is his problem?” Tony sighed and looked at Jessica, shaking his head and giving almost a grim look. “He’s trying to fuck with us because of everyone testifying soon.” Clay sighed and put his hands on my shoulders, Jessica stroking my cheeks and putting her forehead to mine. “It’s okay Felix. We won’t let them hurt you.”

 

     I sighed and nodded to her, reaching up and wiping the tears from my eyes. “I know. I shouldn’t let him bother me like this.” Alex sighed, shaking his head. “Yeah, I know; but he gave you… those. You can’t just ignore that. You should go talk to Mr. Porter.” I turned my head and looked at him as if he were insane. “Are you crazy? You know what he did to Hannah. He told her to move on. I know that was that and this is different, but I wouldn’t trust him with my fucking life.”

 

     Alex sighed and lowered his head, shrugging his shoulders. “I don’t know. What do we do about this shit? Who do we talk to?” Tony shook his head and looked into his eyes. “We handle it ourselves. We make our own justice the only way we can.”

 

     Clay sighed and looked over, seeing Ryan and Tyler approach all of us. Ryan saw I was recovering from being in tears and started to ask what was wrong. I guess that’s when he saw the bullets in my lap, because his mouth gaped open and he knelt down to look at me. “Sometimes the only way to shut them up is to beat them at their own game. Testify against him; make him pay.” I smiled at him, nodding my head and watching him take the bullets so that he could dispose of them for me.

 

     The rest of the day was spent going to classes, Tony being my escort to each and every one. The school made arrangements for Tony to have a teacher teach him his classes in the same room as another teacher would give me my lessons. This was to ensure time was saved getting to and from each class, and that I wouldn’t be late to anything. It was a big help and time-saver for me, and the first day that I came back, I was in no way hesitant to find Principal Bolan and give him my thanks for it.

 

     Lunch finally rolled around and Clay came to find Tony and I, Alex with him as well as Jessica. She looked at me as she sat down, seeing that I was looking rather down about something. “Hey, Felix. What’s wrong?” I shook my head, refusing to look up. “He’s behind us.” Tony held me around my shoulders, leaning over to speak into my right ear. “Just stay focused on us. We won’t let him touch you again.”

 

     Little did I or any of the rest of us know, Alex was becoming a ticking time bomb right in front of us at the table. He could see out of his peripheral vision that Bryce was constantly staring at me, like he was hungry for nothing more than a couple of good fucks. Alex finally screamed at him, unable to contain himself any longer. “Stop staring at my god damn boyfriend like you want it, you fucking rapist!”

 

     The room lulled into a silence save for a couple of murmurs here and there, Bryce standing up and cocking his eyebrow. “What do you think you’re trying to do, Alex?” I was left staring into space, Jessica glaring up at Alex before taking notice to my near dissociated state. “Felix, what’s wrong? Are you okay?” I closed my eyes, tears welling up in them while I mustered up the courage to speak. “Tony, all of you. Take me somewhere, anywhere; please.”

 

     Tony looked at all of them, Jessica suggesting we go to Monet’s for the time being. Once Alex had been coaxed away from nearly confronting Bryce, we all left and eventually piled into Tony’s car, I sitting in the front between Tony and Clay. Clay called me out on how out of it I looked after Alex’s comment, genuinely confused as to why I reacted that way; for all he knew, nothing of the sort had ever happened between Bryce and I. “Felix, what’s going on with you? You’ve been out of it ever since Alex… yelled at Bryce. Talk to me?”

 

     It was then that I burst into tears, reaching my hands up to my face to try and wipe my eyes clean. Clay’s mouth gaped open, seeming taken aback that I reacted so strongly to his question. “Things happened that I haven’t talked about. Things between Bryce and I.” I sobbed, Jessica reaching her hand forward to take my own. “You don’t have to talk about it, Felix. Just know that we get it, and we understand, okay?” I nodded my head, sighing and trying to make sense of everything that had transpired over the past twenty minutes, my mind jumbled up and honestly a big giant mess.

 

     About ten or fifteen minutes following all of this, we arrived at Monet’s for some coffee and desserts, though mainly to stay away from all of the drama surrounding the school at the present time. Tony wheeled me into the building with one of the employees running forward to hold the door for us. I smiled at her rather weakly and tapped Tony’s arm with my fingers, which prompted him to thank her for me. “He would like to thank you so much, ma’am. He’s a bit tired at the moment, but I thought I’d pass along the message.” She smiled and nodded her head, waving at Clay before heading back to her position at the counter cleaning mugs and machines.

 

     We found a big table near the back of the cafe, Clay moving one of the chairs to another table to make room for my wheelchair. I looked at him, smiling a bit. “I guess she knows you?” He nodded and chuckled airily, shrugging his shoulders. “We don’t really **know** each other. I just come here a lot, so the store practically knows me head to toe in appearance at this point.”

 

     I smiled at him again, the waitress from the door coming to our table to ask us for any possible orders. Tony and Clay a slow-drip Americano, and Alex, Jessica and I some hot chocolate but mine with whipped topping. We also ordered some bagels with a side dish of butter and cream cheese, and some apple bites as well. I muttered a small thanks to her before she whisked herself away to get the order moving, my body hunching over in the wheelchair and my face showing nothing but pure exhaustion.

 

     Alex cocked an eyebrow, sitting upright and trying to look into my eyes. “Hey, Felix, are you okay?” I nodded to him, fighting and failing to hold back a yawn. “I’m just a little tired out because of today.” Jessica rubbed my arm, sighing. “Yeah, we are too. We get it entirely, Felix.”

 

     I smiled at her, putting my hand on hers for just a brief moment of connection with her before reaching around into my bag that was hanging on the side of my chair. I pulled out my phone and scrolled through to a text, showing it to everyone. “So I managed to get my parents on the phone today while Tony and I were in between classes. They’ll be here for my birthday this weekend, and all of you are invited to Alex and I’s place for the celebration.” Tony smiled and looked at the table, then at us, nodding his head. “I look forward to it; getting to meet your parents at long last as your white knight.”

 

     Clay and I rolled our eyes before I let out a chuckle, looking at Tony with an upturned eyebrow. “Tony, you’re an idiot.” He laughed at me, reaching across the table and patting my shoulder. “You wouldn’t have it any other way, either.” I smiled at him, having to agree with him as a disagreement might would completely turn our friendship upside down. “You know what, you’re right; I wouldn’t have it any other way. Otherwise, I would be falling on my face every morning trying to get dressed.”

 

     I couldn’t help but laugh as I finished that sentence, my eyes looking down at my phone to see a couple of notifications. I simply swiped them away and continued having a good time with my friends; I wasn’t in the mood to distract myself in any other way. Over the next ten minutes, I kept receiving a bunch of notifications on my phone, and I finally sighed and checked one, noticing that my mother had been demanding I call her; that it was urgent. I cocked an eyebrow and dialed her number, placing the phone up to my ear. “Hey mom. Sorry about that. I was a bit caught up in--… Whoa, what? Hold on, what happened? …” To whoever was looking at me, it was obvious my eyes went distant and cold, worried as well. “Wait, how did that happen? Is he okay?” Alex immediately looked up at Jessica and then at me, and it was physically clear that I was starting to panic. “What do you want me to do? How can I help? … But mom, I don’t want to stay. I want to be there with him! … But--… Fine, I understand. Just call me as soon as you know anything else. Please. … I love you too. Bye.”

 

     I hung up the phone, staring at the table and starting to tear up a bit, my body hunching over as if it was physically being weighed down by the issue at hand. Tony took a sip of the coffee he’d gotten, which all the drinks and snacks had arrived while I was on the phone. “Hey, what’s goin’ on? Is everything alright?” I shook my head, looking up at him after I rubbed my eyes and face out of pure distress. “Apparently my dad was on his way home from work this afternoon, and he got into a head-on collision on the highway. He’s currently in the ICU at their local hospital, and they don’t know when or if he’ll improve or come out of there.”

 

     Clay’s jaw dropped open, to which he immediately turned to me and hugged me from the side, rubbing my head as he held it lightly against his chest. “Oh god, Felix. It’ll be okay. I’m sure _he’ll_ be okay; and even if he’s not, we’ll be here for you, no matter what.” I nodded to him, Alex reaching across the table to hold my hand after tapping my foot underneath the table to get my attention in order to do so. “Thank you Clay. Hey, pass me one of those apple bites and my hot chocolate. I didn’t order it for it to sit there getting cold.”

 

     I took a sip of my hot chocolate and munched on the apple bite in front of me, shaking off my bad mood and looking up at the group. “So who’s planning on coming to Alex and I’s this weekend? Obviously, we don’t know or think my parents will still be coming, but you guys are still welcome to show anyway. It’s gonna be a pool party with all of the snacks, all of the pizza, and all the fucking soda you could ever want. Like at the Crestmont.” I immediately realized what I said and turned to Clay, apologizing as soon as I looked at him. “I’m sorry Clay; I didn’t-”

 

     He cut me off, smiling at me and shaking his head. “Felix, it’s fine. I don’t think about her like that anymore. It’s whatever. All I’m thinking about are my friends and my girlfriend, and that’s enough for me.” I smiled back at him, looking forward at Jess but my attention was soon taken to something in the background outside. I saw someone begging for change out on the sidewalk, my eyebrow cocked a bit as I thought the figure looked familiar. I reached over to tap Clay on the arm, directing his attention to the same figure.

 

     His mouth dropped open, a name long left silent now being uttered from his lips and causing Jessica to focus on Clay immediately. “Wait. _Justin_? What the hell is he doing out on the streets?” Jessica looked behind herself, her hand moving to cover her mouth. “Oh my god. He looks awful, Clay. We have to do something. I’m gonna go get him from the streets. Get him something to eat and some water, please. I’ll pay you back.”

 

     Jessica stood up immediately and went outside, making sure the way was clear before running across the street to approach Justin. “Justin?”

 

**Justin’s Point of View**

 

     I almost wanted to pinch myself, unable to believe that Jessica was in front of me and talking to me, much less doing so on her own terms and without someone else with her. “Jess? The fuck do you want? Are you gonna shove me off again? Tell me I should be dead?” I could see the hurt in her eyes after I uttered such a couple of statements, and I immediately regretted everything I’d just said. “Look, I’m sorry. It’s been hard out here.”

 

     Jess looked at me with the most sympathetic pair of eyes and reached her hand out to me. “Listen. I’m with Felix, Clay, Alex and Tony. They want to help too, okay? Nobody else; just us. We’ll get you somewhere to stay and we’ll help you however we can.” I was hesitant to accept her help, not wanting anybody else to see me like this, but I swallowed my pride long enough to take her hand and let her help me up. She immediately wrapped her arms around me tightly, disregarding how awful I smelled and dirty I was to give me a moment of peace and comfort.

 

     I made my way across the street and into Monet’s with her, quiet and hesitant to say even a word to any of them. I was convinced they were all so fucking ashamed of me to have spiraled this far down that they wouldn’t want anything to do with me or have anything to say to me. Clay walked over to us, hugging me tightly and sighing. “Justin, I’m sorry. I kept giving you such a hard time. You were sorry for everything, and everyone else fucking knew that, and I didn’t want to accept that. And I’m sorry.”

 

     I pulled away and nodded to him, croaking out a couple of words that were almost unintelligible due to my sore throat. “Thanks, Clay.” I winced at how hard it was to speak, asking for water if they had any. Jessica led me to the table and pulled over a chair, having me sit down and sliding a tall glass of water to me. “Here, drink this. We’ve got snacks too. We’ll go somewhere else after this to eat if you need.”

 

     I gulped down the water in about five seconds, panting afterward as I tried to collect myself and not look so pathetic. Clay finally looked up at me and pulled out his phone, giving me some hope. “I can ask my parents if they wouldn’t mind taking you in. We don’t have a guest bedroom, but we can make room for you. We’ll get a bed, and we’ll take care of you.” I felt tears welling up in my eyes, the hope overwhelming me beyond description. “I’d like that a lot; thanks, Clay.” I tried to wipe away the tears and calm myself while Clay was on the phone with his mother, grateful he was at least willing to ask for me.

 

     After a few minutes, Clay put down his phone and smiled at me, nodding his head. “You’ll be coming home with me today Justin, and staying with us.” I felt the tears come back in full force, spilling over and rolling down my cheeks immediately. Everyone was looking at me in near disbelief, and I finally found it in me to speak. “C-Clay, thank you.” I guess Clay couldn’t stand it any longer, because he stood up and came around to me, pulling me up and holding me tightly in a hug. I clung to him, happy that I was about to finally have a stable home again, with consistent food, a bed to sleep in, and loving parents.

 

**Clay’s Point of View**

 

     I thought it was best to head on home with Justin, so we could get on with getting him fed and cleaned up. Mom and dad were in the kitchen when we got home, and Justin was hesitant but clung to both of them immediately when he approached them, grateful for everything he was being given. After he excused himself upstairs to clean himself up and dress himself in some of my clothes for the time being, I stayed downstairs to talk to mom.

 

     “Mom, I am… so sorry I sprung this up on you. I know we didn’t have room, but-”

 

     She cut me off, chuckling a bit and reaching out to hold my hands. “Clay, he’s your friend. We help our friends, don’t we? Especially when they’re in need. He ran away from a broken home, and he didn’t have anywhere else to go. So you did what you thought was right. We’ll get on with buying a bed for him, but he can sleep on your couch for now.”

 

     I shook my head, dismissing her suggestion. “Nah, I’ll sleep on the couch. He deserves to sleep in a bed in a good home for once.” Mom smiled at me, and I soon excused myself upstairs to wait in my room for Justin. I was reading one of my comic books when he finally came in, locking the door behind himself and sitting on my bed.

 

     “Clay, thank you again for this. I-” He took a breath to compose himself as I sat the book down to look at him, giving him my full attention. “I’ve never had a loving home to go back to. Mom always had her revolving door of boyfriends and they were all fucking drug addicts just like her. I couldn’t stand it anymore. So I… took her current boyfriend’s money and left. In the first couple of months, I spent it on living in cheap motels so I could stay fed and clean, but then some jackass jumped me on the street about a few weeks ago and stole the rest of it, so I had to start begging for change.” He was noticeably trying to compose himself, wiping away tears and looking me dead in the eyes. “You were concerned about Jess from day one and trying to look out for both of us, and you were so fucking frustrated with me, which showed you god damn cared, and you’ve done so much to try and help when all this shit with Hannah’s tapes were going on. And now you’ve gone and gotten me a place in your home.” He sobbed and I stood up and sat next to him, rubbing his back a little bit to try and comfort him. “I’m so fucking happy to finally be wanted and be loved, Clay.”

 

     Just like earlier, I wrapped my arms around Justin to hold him, rubbing his head and closing my eyes. “I know. Which is why I did it. I knew life had to have gotten bad for you, and I fucking care Justin. We all do. We’re all gonna help.” I made him smile with that comment, and I smiled back at him with a nod of my head. “All you gotta do is ask me anything, and I’ll do what I can. _We_ will do what we can. That includes Jess, Alex, Tony, Felix, my parents and me. We won’t leave you behind to suffer. Why else do you think I got you into here? Why else do you think Jess ran out of Monet’s to go get you? And Alex hobbled to the counter to buy you some water and an extra snack?” I laughed a bit at myself for starting to go off on a bit of a tangent, but I shook my head a little. “The point is, we’re all going to do whatever we can for you, no matter what. You just gotta ask us and we’ll try.”

 

     Justin nodded his head to me, yawning a little bit before his stomach started growling profusely. “Dinner will be ready soon. And mom said she’s going to call Liberty High tomorrow to get you ready to go back to school. She’s also going to start calls and such with the court to get you thrown into emergency custody so that we can get you adopted by us. If everything goes smoothly, you should be back to school in about a week.”

 

     Justin nodded to me again in confirmation of everything I spilled out to him, and he looked ready to do some more spilling of his own, but not of the saddening kind. “Clay, I had a lot of time to think while I was on the streets. I had a lot of time to think about the people I like and the types of people I like.” I was already starting to become overly curious about the direction he was headed with this, and I nodded my head to him in a gesture for him to continue.

 

     “I’ve always admired the type of person you are. You’re strong, resilient, there for your friends, and you don’t take shit from anybody without shoving back when you need to. You never go down without a fight, and you fucking love everyone around you when it matters the most, and even when it doesn’t. I’ve always wanted to be the type of person you are, and I always wanted a girl who was like that too.” I was floored that all of this was coming out of Justin’s mouth; in all our time of knowing each other, he had always either been indifferent towards me or bitter.

 

     “Then when I realized that I wouldn’t be the type of person you are, and not many girls like that out there in Liberty exist, I wanted you. A lot. I wanted to be with you.” I could feel my eyes widen, and I stared right into his eyes to show him that I was taking everything in and listening to him completely. “I _want_ to be with you. And you can think I’m disgusting or gross or whatever, but I’m just being honest and what the fuck ever.”

 

     I was surprised by myself that I hadn’t flipped out about all of this being thrown down onto me, or that I hadn’t shoved myself into my Clay-hole yet as a result. I closed my eyes and sat back for a moment, letting everything sink in and process. After a good five minutes of pure silence had passed, I sat back up and looked into Justin’s eyes, putting my hand on his knee.

 

     “Justin, I’ve never thought much about who I wanted to be with, especially not after… Hannah.” He could see me start to fall apart internally at even just saying her name; my eyes twisted with emotion and he could probably swear that I had been stabbed. I regained my composure and kept speaking to him, sighing softly. “I do know, though, that I’ve always felt some sort of… attraction toward you, and I wasn’t ever quite sure how to place it. I never tried to figure it out, because I was too busy trying to figure shit out with the tapes, and now the trial coming up, but I think I feel the same way about you that you do about me. And I want to figure it out with you.”

 

     Justin’s eyes brightened when I’d finished speaking, and his face was gradually moving closer to mine, eyes staring deeply into my own. I was confused at first, but then when our lips made contact, his feelings were completely processed in my mind and I was able to say I felt the same. I felt an unbelievably strong connection to him the second our lips made contact, and I immediately knew I wanted more of this. I wanted more of him as much as he wanted more of me.

 

     When we started to deepen the kiss out of pure want and impulse, mom’s voice called out to the both of us from downstairs, announcing that dinner was ready. I pulled away out of breath, my cheeks tinted pink as I was a bit embarrassed at how into our kiss we’d become. “Let’s go eat, yeah? Then we can… talk some more if you want.” Justin knew what I was possibly implying, and we both got up and made our way downstairs.

 

**Justin’s Point of View**

 

     I saw a big spread for dinner on the table of fried skinless chicken breasts, string beans, macaroni and cheese, and garlic bread, and my eyes were filled with both wonder and confusion. “I- This is for all of us?”

 

     Lainie smiled at me, stepping toward me and putting her hands on my shoulders. “Justin, we know you’ve had it hard, but this is what a normal dinner should be for a growing pair of boys. Something to last for the new few days as leftovers, and nothing small either. I’m sure you’ve not been used to eating this way for a while now, but this is how it’s going to be from now on for you. I promise. I want you to have a good life here.”

 

     I sighed and smiled at her, hugging her tightly. “Mrs. Jensen, thank you so much for this, and Mr. Jensen, too.” They gently reprimanded me in a silly manner that their names were Lainie and Matt, and I nodded and sat down at the table across from Lainie. The dinner consisted of general conversation regarding how the day went, reluctant yet eventual acceptance of the school day having ended shortly, though Lainie was completely understanding once she’d heard about it being about an issue for Felix involving Bryce, and she dropped the issue right there.

 

     She announced that she and Matt would be leaving that night for the rest of the week to go on a much-needed break from work, both having arranged the time weeks ago. She had thought about whether or not to cancel, but given how short notice their check-in time at the hotel would be canceled at this point, it was better to leave us with money and go.

 

     “So we’ll leave you with some money for the rest of the week; my credit card. I just refilled the balance, so you shouldn’t have any issues. Make sure you have food for the week, and also Justin; go shopping with Clay. Get yourself some new clothes. After the money for the week of food, the rest of the money on that card is for you to use on clothes, shoes, anything of the sort. There’s five hundred on there, I believe. Now boys, don’t you dare spend over that.” We agreed whole-heartedly and I gave an immense amount of thanks for her allowing to use the majority of the money for clothes and shoes, my belly now full of food and water, and my heart full of joy.

 

     We eventually finished dinner, saying goodbye for the rest of the week to Matt and Lainie. We then excused ourselves back upstairs to my room after they left, which I would have to get used to calling _our_ room from now on. When we got in, Clay locked the door behind us and turned to face me, eyes full of so many emotions that it was hard to tell which one was more prominent than the rest. I sat in his desk chair and he approached me, slowly kissing my lips with passion and interest in exploring things deeper with me, something I hadn’t felt in a long time; not since Jess and I had last been so passionate with each other.

 

     All of a sudden, I found myself rising to my feet and both of us moving to the bed, my hands and arms moving to shed myself of the slightly-too-small t-shirt of Clay’s that I’d taken to wearing after my shower, parting our lips only to take a small breath and pull the shirt up over my head. I took that opportunity to stare into his eyes for those few seconds, and then he’d gone and pulled me back into a passionate kiss while now leaning above me on his hands and knees. I placed my hands against the small of his back, fingers mindlessly playing with the belt loops of his jeans and my feet working his shoes off as well.

 

     I started to prod at his lips with my tongue, which he invited into his mouth with gratitude and eagerness like nothing I’d ever felt before. I started to feel the passion flow through my body, a whine traveling from my mouth and into Clay’s own as my hips began to push up against his own. I could feel him almost stop what he was doing, but the fact that I wasn’t trying to stop anything made him keep going with a newly found vigor that was practically radiating from his entire body.

 

     I found my hands reaching for the button of his jeans, and when he didn’t try to stop me, I undid it and slid them down along with his boxers. I parted our lips to breathe, cheeks tinted a light shade of red as I took in his length with my eyes and tried to prepare myself for anything we’d be doing that night. Clay’s hands moved to remove his shirt, and then following that my pants as well. His lips began to plant almost feather-light kisses along my neck, causing my voice to jump from my throat and moan out of instinct. I didn’t want to, but the pleasure took over me for those few seconds and it was all I could manage to do at all.

 

     Clay’s hands slid my pants down to come to realize that I went commando underneath, his lips now at my stomach and then my hips. He’s sworn up and down to me before that he’s never done anything with another man before, but with how naturally this is all going, I honestly would love to beg to differ on that notion. I leaned my head back as soon as he started to even touch his lips with kisses along my length, my back arching and voice moaning out even more than before. I let my hands move on autopilot and run through his slightly grown out hair that was immediately disheveled once my hands were through it, and my voice moaned out for him to do more, more, fucking more.

 

     Clay’s mouth was now around my length and his other hand jerking himself off, his mouth taking me in about halfway at first, which caused me to gasp and moan out once more, toes curling up on the sheets beneath me and my free hand balling up some of them in a fist. “Fuck, Clay, this is so good.” He took in the rest of my seven inches, and my body was shaking with all of the pleasure that was overflowing from every pore of my skin. Every movement of his mouth sent me closer to the edge, and I gasped out and panted, fingers lightly gripping the back of his head. “Ah- Clay, I’m about to cum, fuck-”

 

     Clay let me release into his mouth, and I moaned a bit loudly and was left panting for breath beneath him as he removed his mouth from me. He grunted a bit before releasing across my stomach, being left a bit out of breath as well. He grabbed my towel from earlier that I’d dragged in with me, wiping away the mess and soon lying down beside me. At this point, it didn’t take us much longer to pass out for the night, my arm wrapped around his side and his back to my chest.

 

     The next morning, I woke up to Clay jumping a bit, startled by something. “Mm, what is it, Clay?” “Oh, nothing. I just- I’m just not used to waking up next to another guy like this.” I nodded, rolling over and stretching my arms out above my head after sitting myself up, yawning and moving to grab my jeans. “Hey, you wanna invite Jess and the others to go shopping with us today? It’s Saturday, no school, and I’m sure they’d like to go out and spend some time with us now that I’m back around.”

 

     Clay cocked an eyebrow at me, and I looked confused at his initial reaction. “What?” “Justin, there’s a lot of people usually at the mall. Are you sure you wanna do that? I’m pretty sure there’s a lot of people you didn’t see yesterday that probably won’t be very happy you’re back.” I nodded to him, grabbing the shirt from yesterday and throwing it back on. “Yeah, I’m sure. If I’m going to be stared at, I may as well have friends around to enjoy it.”

 

     Clay seemed to find resolve with that answer, and he pulled out his phone to text Jessica, who said she’d meet us here with Tony. “Oh, apparently dad texted and said he left the keys for his car here. So we’ll have enough room for all of us in one car since dad drives a god damn SUV now. He wanted to… upgrade or some shit.”

 

     We both got up and ready to leave for the day, heading downstairs to grab some coffee and whatever else we would need. Clay had his dad’s keys, his own wallet and phone, and the credit card Lainie left us for shopping. After about twenty more minutes of sitting and drinking our coffee away, the doorbell rang out. I got up and opened the door, Jess, Alex, Felix and Alex waiting outside. “Hey guys. You ready to go?”

 

**Clay’s Point of View**

 

     When they gave an agreement, I made sure my house key was securely on the set of dad’s keys before stuffing everything into my pockets and walking out with everyone. I started up the car while giving Tony time to get Felix into a seat and the wheelchair into the back of the car since the seats had been taken out, courtesy of mom and dad for the shopping trip we’d be taking.

 

     I turned on the radio and heard a song I didn’t think I would; “The Night We Met”. It started to twist my gut and I stalled on putting the car into drive, Justin looking over at me to make sure I was okay. “Clay, what’s-” I found it in myself to answer him, closing my eyes and sighing as a single tear rolled down my cheek. “This was the song Hannah and I danced to at the Winter Formal.”

 

     I could see Justin’s eyes go from confused to sad, nodding his head and sighing. “I’m sorry, I didn’t know. You wanna change the station or something?” I shook my head, turning up the volume and just immersing myself into the song itself. I began to imagine that dance, remembering dancing with her, remembering the night of the party where she and I kissed. And all I could do was sit there in my own personal “silence” while listening to that one slow song we danced to that one time; that one time I should have fucking kissed her, and I didn’t.

 

     I felt a hand on my arm, and once I looked back I realized it was Alex’s, soon feeling Justin’s as well. We merged our hands together in a comforting time, Tony soon leaning forward to do the same. The song finally faded to silence, and I sighed before wiping my eyes and hearing “Young and Unafraid” come on. I sniffled and put on a smile, putting the car into drive and heading away from home. “Alright, let’s go.”

 

     It took us about twenty minutes to get into town and to the mall, taking five minutes to find a parking space as well. I looked over and saw Justin get visibly tense, and I put my hand on his shoulder. “Hey, you gonna be okay?” He shook it off and nodded to me while putting his hand on top of mine. “Yeah, I’m good. Let’s go in. I’ve got you guys with me; that’s all I need to be happy.” He smiled at me before removing his seat belt and getting out, going around and getting the wheelchair out and set up behind the back passenger door for Tony’s convenience.

 

     Once we were all out and situated, we headed inside to scour the different clothes stores for some stuff for Justin. He picked out an array of skinny jeans and polo shirts with overlay sweater tops, and some casual shirts as well. He also picked out a suit with a couple of ties as well, and once he’d found everything in a fitting size, we went and paid for everything from all of the different stores with a total of three hundred dollars being spent so far. I had taken the courtesy of calling mom to ask her if Justin could get a much needed haircut, and she graciously approved of it.

 

     We headed over to a shoe store to pick out some sneakers and dress shoes for Justin, as well as a couple of pairs of socks and underwear. We made our way over to get his haircut done, and when all was said and done, we were left with about a hundred dollars left for groceries for the rest of the week. We got back to the car and piled back in and headed for the grocery store next, picking out some vegetables and meats to fix for Sunday, deciding to surprise mom and dad with dinner before they arrived home. We got a bit of junk food as well, deciding that we could spend the weekend with friends over and binge eating all of it with nothing left by the end. We had about twenty dollars left on the card when all was said and done, and when we got back home, we all piled inside and into my room after groceries were put away and clothes and such were gathered onto various sets of arms.

 

     We all sat upstairs talking and carrying on for what seemed like forever, and I was the last to pass out after everyone else did, all of us piled onto what now seemed like my teeny tiny little bed. We were all piled up together in what one would consider a cuddle pile, sleeping soundly for the night with parents texted to make sure they all knew and were alright with their kids staying over. We were headed to Alex and Felix’s place tomorrow for Felix’s birthday party, so we were all resting up for the big occasion. It’s going to be fun, I’m sure of that.

 

 

 

 

 

 

• ☾✩☽•


	3. Chapter Two

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I apologize immensely for the wait in updating this with the second chapter. I had a lot go on in the past month with a bunch of family problems arising. Now that things have finally blown over, I decided to finally finish up this chapter and post it up. Thanks to all of you for the immense amount of bookmarks and kudos - it means a lot to me and means that my work is being loved by people.

**Chapter Two**

 

• ☾✩☽•

 

**Clay’s Point of View**

 

     I was one of the first to wake up the next morning, quietly making my way to the bathroom to change clothes and place the dirty ones in the hamper. I then moved downstairs to make a full pot of coffee for whoever would want any, and I made myself a mug as well to take upstairs with me. I sipped on it upon sitting back in the desk chair, looking outside through the window to watch the birds outside flying about and chasing each other.

 

     One by one, everyone woke up and began rummaging around to change clothes as well, having brought an overnight bag for both staying the night and the party coming up in a few hours at Alex and Felix’s house. I didn’t mean to startle anyone but I saw a long-awaited phone call coming in from Skye, and I scrambled to pick my phone up and answer. I heard a few grumbles coming from the others in the room before hearing Skye on the phone.

 

     “S-Skye! Where have you been? … Okay, are you alright? Are you doing okay? … Alright. Yeah, let me write that down. 3245? Okay. … Yeah, I’ll have my mom call the principal today and let him know I’ll be out tomorrow then. I have something to go do today, but I’ll go see you tomorrow. … I’ll see you then Skye. Thanks for calling me back.”

 

     Tony gave me a confused look, and after about an entire minute I finally took notice to it, sighing a bit to release all of my stress and worry. “Skye hasn’t been answering me lately. I wasn’t sure what was going on after they said she was transferred from the hospital, and she’s at a behavioral inpatient facility a couple of hours away. So I’m gonna skip out on school tomorrow to go see her.”

 

     I saw Tony smile at me at my commitment to making sure she was okay. After about an hour, we all had a great deal of sunscreen in our bags altogether and some of us our swim trunks on with our shirts. Jess had apparently changed into her bikini in the bathroom and put it on under her clothes, and we vowed to use the last of the money to get grab a pair of swim trunks for Justin as we had completely forgotten to do so while out the day before.

 

     We all made our way downstairs and piled back into the SUV again, making our way through town to Felix and Alex’s house they’d gotten together, courtesy of all four parents combined. Jess helped Alex set out snacks, pizza and drinks as they’d arrive on the premises, and Justin made off to the bathroom to go help Felix get into his swim trunks.

 

**Justin’s Point of View**

 

     I closed the door behind me, making sure Felix was sitting on the closed toilet seat for me to get his trunks unfolded. “Alright, let’s get everything off.” I braced Felix’s body against mine while he slid his pants and boxers off, where I slowly stood him up while holding his weight against me the entire time. I had him bend over to hold the trunks open while I lifted one leg in and then the other, letting him pull them up and hold them in place while I tied the string just tight enough. He pulled his own shirt off, showing off his rather pale complexion. “There. The purple and black really compliment your body, Felix.”

 

     He smiled at me, nodding before reaching his arms up to signal that he was ready to get up and out of the bathroom. I had him braced against me, opening the door and calling for Tony to come help get him back into his wheelchair for the time being. Together, we got Felix back into it and sitting comfortably. I had to resist my urge to ask if he needed help with anything, having to remind myself that he lived here and most anything was tailored to fit his limitations with both his incorrect mobility and wheelchair.

 

     He rolled himself over to the back door, where he called out to Alex that he was going out by himself for a few minutes of fresh air. I was a bit skeptical, but Alex was fine with it. He gave his approval before letting him open the door, roll outside, and close it behind him. “Standall, you sure he’s alright by himself?” Alex nodded to me, smiling a bit. “Yep. He does this all the time.”

 

**Felix’s Point of View**

 

     I sat out by the pool, watching the birds at our bird house feeder and the butterflies swarming at our small little garden a few feet away. I pulled my phone out of my chair pocket, scrolling through various DIY blogs that I would frequent for ideas on craft projects I could take up when not in school. I felt my right hand go numb and I dropped my phone on the patio in front of me. I grumbled and leaned forward to grab it, but in one instant I felt myself grow panicked and scared shitless. I fell out my wheelchair and roll right into the pool, where I yelled out and started flailing my arms for some way out when I felt myself start going more under the water than over it. I yelled out for Alex, yelling louder than I ever have before, hoping he’d hear me; hoping _someone_ would hear me.

 

**Justin’s Point of View**

 

     I heard yelling from somewhere, and I looked around for a bit from the kitchen to see where it was coming from. My eyes finally went the by the pool, seeing water splashing constantly and nobody in the wheelchair. “Oh shit.” I grabbed everyone’s attention when I cursed for what appeared to them to be no reason whatsoever, my feet immediately taking me into running outside. I left the door open in my panic, jumping into the pool as soon as I could. I swam down and grabbed Felix from under his arms, dragging him to the surface with me. “Felix, are you alright?”

 

     He nodded to me, stating that he was only just shocked that had happened; that it had never happened before. “Okay, are you sure?” “Yeah, I’m sure. I’m sorry.” I shook my head, comforting him while getting out. Alex and company were just coming out when I was getting out and Felix back into his chair, sighing deeply with relief. “Felix, what happened?”

 

     He sighed in defeat and looked up at Alex, frowning. “I lost grip with my hand and dropped my phone on the ground, so I leaned over to try and get it. I fell out of the chair and right into the pool. I’m honestly fine, I’m just shocked because I’ve never actually fallen trying to do that before.” Alex nodded, limping over to him and kissing his head. “Next time, just call out for one of us; whoever is around. I don’t want you scaring me like that ever again. Understand?” Felix gave his confirmation and I was left sitting down by the edge of the pool, staring at my reflection while Clay sat beside me.

 

     “You alright?” I nodded to him, shrugging my shoulders after a few seconds. “Yeah, I guess. Something just feels missing. I already feel like we’re hiding it from them. Hiding _us_ from them, y’know? I want to tell them.” Clay nodded, standing up. “We can if you want. I don’t mind. I don’t think I would mind them knowing about it. They’re our best friends.”

 

     I stood up with him, going back inside and finding everyone in the living room munching on snacks and drinking soda while watching TV. I cleared my throat lightly, looking at everyone before giving Clay a look. Once they turned to us, I sighed and smiled. “Clay and I decided that we wanted to tell you guys something.” I gained my composure, taking Clay’s hand behind the shield of of our legs. “While I was away on the streets, I had a lot of time to think about the types of people I like and who I like, and… Clay and I have decided that we’re going to explore a relationship together. We had a long talk yesterday before and after dinner, and we decided that we want to explore this together.”

 

     Tony cocked an eyebrow, a disgruntled look on his face. “Wait, what about Skye?” I looked at Clay as well, confused. “Wait, what _about_ her?” Clay shook his head, dismantling everyone’s confusion. “She and I broke it off about two weeks ago now. She and I were going through some shit, and we decided that we’re just not meant for each other. So we decided together that we shouldn’t be in a relationship with each other.” I sighed with relief, glad that there wasn’t someone to come in between Clay and I.

 

     Jess and Alex smiled at us, looking at each other before looking back at us. “We’re happy for you two. You’ll make each other really happy, I know it.” Jess smiled with every word, her smile being returned by both Clay and I. “Thank you, Jess.” I took this opportunity to wrap my arm around Clay’s shoulders, showing my affection more openly now that everyone knew about us. I took a seat with him on the couch, letting his body sink against mine as we watched whatever everyone else had been turning their attention to for the past few minutes.

 

     After a little while of chatting and watching shows, we all decided to go out to the pool at long last. Alex hesitantly took his shirt off, casting a sideways glance at Jessica for some support. “Alex, you look fine.” He sighed in defeat, nodding his head and supporting his weight with his cane. I smiled at him, nodding to him. “You do look good, Alex. I wouldn’t be so worried about it. I’ve honestly gotten smaller since I was on the streets, so I should be the one worried about my appearance here.” I frowned a bit, hesitant to lift up my shirt and show my body to everyone. Yeah, Clay had already seen it, but that was in the intimacy of the situation and the privacy of our home.

 

     Clay rubbed my shoulder, nodding to me that it would be okay to show them what my physique was like now. I grimaced a bit, slowly lifting up my shirt and sliding it off. It wasn’t a lot, but a couple of ribs could just barely be seen against the skin, my stomach slimmer than it used to be. I sighed, bringing the shirt up against my stomach to hide it, Clay taking my hand and slowly taking the shirt from me. “Hey, you look fine. Stop it. Come on, get in the pool with us.”

 

     I eventually warmed up to everyone and felt more confident in my appearance, spending a bunch of time with everyone in the pool. Soon, Matt and Lainie were calling to let us know they’d be home around the usual dinner time, which meant that we had to leave soon to get dinner going. We dropped everyone off at their respective houses on the way home, soon heading back inside and getting the makings for some chicken and seasoned string beans for Clay’s parents.

 

     I set off to start cutting up the chicken on the cutting board, accidentally cutting my finger with the knife. I winced, dropping it on the counter and scrambling to grab a paper towel to stop the bleeding. I heard something hit the floor behind me while I was getting a bandaid put on the cut, and I looked back to see Clay curled up against the cabinets, having a panic attack.

 

**Clay’s Point of View**

 

     The sight of the blade accidentally cutting Justin’s skin gave me horrifying flashbacks of what Hannah had done to kill herself, and I found myself sinking to the floor and being overwhelmed with panic and depression. I started sobbing after a few seconds, seeing Justin in front of me with his hands attempting to gently grab onto me to comfort me. I was breathing erratically, whimpering and crying into Justin’s shoulder after he pulled me against him.

 

     To my horror, mom and dad were calling into the house that they were home. They were suddenly knelt down in front of me, trying to figure out what was wrong when they saw what was happening to me. It took Justin and mom a few minutes to get me to stop panicking and start breathing properly, and then I was finally able to explain what happened. “I saw Justin accidentally cut his finger with the knife, and it made me-” I closed my eyes, feeling tears start to well up in my eyes again. “It made me remember Hannah.”

 

     I could see Justin’s heart sink, mom finally turning to me to speak. “Clay, I’m begging you; go to therapy. Talk to someone who is qualified to help you. _Please_. You’ve been getting worse ever since she passed away, and you need to get some sort of help.” I sighed, seeing how distraught she was and how much she was trying to get me to see what was happening, and I finally nodded my head. “I’ll go back to therapy, mom. Will you call in for an appointment soon?” She nodded, pulling me into a tight hug. “I will Clay. Thank you, honey. I just don’t want to lose you like you lost her...” “I know mom. I’m sorry.”

 

     I had mom give me the bottle of antidepressants from last Fall when she’d gotten the new prescription against my will, taking one for the night and sighing as I stood up. Mom and dad both reassured us that they, along with Justin, would fix dinner, and that I should go into the living room to rest and recuperate from my anxiety. I reluctantly agreed to it, resigning to the couch and curling up against the pillows that surrounded me.

 

**Justin’s Point of View**

 

     Matt and Lainie excused me from the kitchen, insisting I go sit down and wait for dinner to be ready. I reluctantly decided to take them up on the offer, making my way into the living room and finding Clay on the couch. I sat down beside him, sighing and looking over at him. “Are you alright?” He nodded to me, staying rather silent though I could only assume it was due to coming off of his panic attack. “Can I ask you about Skye?”

 

     He gave me a nod, sitting up so that he could make proper eye contact with me. “Why did you… get into a relationship with her? I mean, it’s not as if I care too much, I’m just curious is all.” Clay sighed, looking down at the floor and thinking for a moment before starting to speak. “Well, I think part of it was because I felt some sort of connection to her. I… didn’t want to admit it for a while, but I wanted to be able to save someone. Especially her. She knew I couldn’t, and I knew I couldn’t, but I wanted to try. I tried so hard to, but she finally confronted me about it in the hospital, and we finally decided it was best that… we weren’t together anymore.”

 

     I nodded to him, putting my hand on his shoulder for comfort. “You can’t save everyone, but I know you did your best with her.” He smiled at me, which made me smile back. “There’s a smile. It looks good on you Clay. You should keep it.” He smiled even more, chuckling a little bit before lying down beside me on the couch. I kept watch on him to make sure he remained okay while dinner was being made, and soon we were being called into the kitchen.

 

     While poking at our food and eating it slowly but thoroughly, Lainie finally sighed and looked up at Clay. “Clay, I want you to call in your appointment tomorrow. I still have Principal Bolan’s number from when I was working on the case; I let him know that you’re taking a couple of days off of school. Obviously, from how that school is, I don’t feel comfortable sending you off to school with all that’s going on with you right now. Justin, since you have nothing going on yet, I want you to stay here with him. Call us with his phone if there’s any issues.”

 

     Clay made an agreement to the days off and getting to spend the majority of them with me, my murmur while eating my food being intended as an agreement as well. Not much else was discussed, and when we were done, Clay asked me to go upstairs with him for the night. I agreed, politely saying “goodnight” to his parents and excusing ourselves upstairs.

 

     I locked the door behind us after entering, sitting down on the bed and already deep in thought. “What was with the sudden escape? I know you hate talking about shit with them, but that was just out of nowhere.” I saw him give me a look of concern, and I cocked an eyebrow. “How did you end your friendship with Bryce?”

 

     I leaned back to lay down on the bed, staring at the ceiling as I started thinking. “I knew what he did to Jess, and I found him after I left home. He bought me a beer, and tried to get me to drink with him, but I told him I wouldn’t see him again, and I walked away. I didn’t want to be friends with someone like that.” I sighed, looking at him from the very awkward angle. “It’s as simple as that.”

 

     “What do we do about him?” I shrugged my shoulders, shaking my head as well. “I don’t know. We don’t have much ground on him other than Jess’s word, and I don’t know if she’ll talk. I was there too, and I don’t even know if she wants _me_ to talk about it either.” Clay nodded to me and shrugged his shoulders, looking deep in thought. “Yeah, I know. We can’t make her do anything, and she would get mad at you if you tried. I mean, that’s up to-”

 

     We were interrupted by Clay’s phone ringing, and he muttered Jess’s name before answering. “Hello? … No, I haven’t. Not since we were at their house. Why? … Okay. I’ll go with Justin to check on him. I’ll let you know what’s going on.” I sat up while he was on the phone, and started to say something before he interjected. “She can’t get up with Alex, and Felix can’t help him, so she asked us to go check on him at their house. Mom will let us take her car as long as we’re back home before sun up.”

 

     I slowly nodded my head, sitting up and getting the door unlocked and open while he gathered up his wallet and phone into his pocket. We both started half-running down the stairs, Clay calling out to his parents. “We have to go to Alex’s. Felix can’t get to him and he’s in trouble. I’ll be back before you have to leave for work – I promise, mom.” Lainie had no time to interject before Clay was grabbing her keys from the wall-mounted holder, running out the front door with me.

 

     We got into her car and adjusted the seats to a comfortable position, soon pulling away from the house and starting to speed down the road with the hazard lights on. “What do you think is going on with Alex?” I watched Clay shake his head, looking absolutely stressed but focused while tightening his grip on the wheel. “I don’t know, and I’m honestly scared. He could have fallen, he could have gotten hurt.”

 

     We finally pulled up outside of their house, noticing the door was locked. I cursed and knocked on it, hearing a click a few seconds later. Clay nodded, opening the door. “He’s got a little remote by his bed. His parents had it worked out so that remote would unlock the door when they heard someone knock on the door.” We made our way inside, calling for Alex cautiously.

 

     What I saw on the floor in their bedroom shocked me. Alex was curled up on the floor in the corner, crying and sobbing hysterically as he tried to make sense of the world around him. “Alex, what’s wrong?” I rushed over to him, kneeling down in front of him while Clay started to talk to Felix behind us. I placed my hands gently on his arms, rubbing them soothingly as I tried to glance into his eyes. “Alex, look at me? Tell me what’s wrong?”

 

     Clay finally answered behind me, relaying the information he’d just received from Felix. “Apparently there were gunshots somewhere outside, and it sent Alex into an anxiety attack.” Suddenly, Felix’s voice started speaking from behind Clay. “His medicine should be in the medicine cabinet in the bathroom down the hall. On the left side, I think. It’s his anti-anxiety medication.” Clay immediately set off for the bathroom to retrieve it, along with some water from the kitchen. When he returned, I took both items and held them out to Alex. “Here. This will make it easier.”

 

     Finally, Alex made a move in the right direction, asking me to help him since his arm was feeling weak. I took a pill from the bottle, gently placing it into his mouth and holding the glass up to his mouth so he could direct me on how far to tip it back. He tapped my hand when he’d gotten enough to swallow his medicine, and I removed the glass and handed it to Clay to put it away. “Come on, let’s get you back into bed, okay?”

 

     He let me help him stand up, where I walked with him ever-so-slowly to get him into bed beside Felix. “We’ll stay if we need to, but we should get home so we don’t end up keeping Clay’s mom from work in the morning.” Clay agreed, saying that she’d probably end up calling the cops if we weren’t back home soon. Alex told us he would be fine now that he was in bed with Felix, so we parted ways for the night and headed back home.

 

     When we got back to the house, I noticed something taped to the front door. I cocked an eyebrow and immediately approached it with Clay, taking it off and inspecting it. It was a white piece of paper with the words “WE KNOW” in red marker. “What the fuck? Who the fuck knows what?” Clay sighed, shrugging his shoulders after I looked at him, shaking his head. “Who the fuck knows. I just want to get inside and in bed. I’m not tired; I just want to lay down.” I gave a hearty agreement and headed inside and back upstairs to his room while he returned Lainie’s keys to the holder on the wall in the kitchen.

 

     Clay closed the door and locked it behind himself, immediately retreating to his bed and taking a much need sigh of release of all the emotions within him. “Do you mind if I lay down with you?” He gave a look as if I was crazy, shaking his head. “Of course I don’t mind. What makes you think I would?”

 

     I shrugged my shoulders, getting up off of the couch and heading to the bed to lay down next to him. I found myself being an unusual form of comfort and support for him, finding his head lying on my chest and his eyes looking distantly at the wall across from his feet. “Clay, you should get some sleep. You look exhausted and it would help you feel better.” He grumbled and shook his head, and I couldn’t help but chuckle. “Don’t give me that shit. You know I’m right.” “Yeah, whatever.”

 

     I smiled before lying my head back, yawning and staring up at the ceiling. “I never thought I would be living with the one and only Clay Jensen, or exploring romance with him; yet here I am.” I heard him laugh at my statement, and I looked down at him. “What’s so funny about that?” “Nothing; I agree with you. I never thought anything like this would ever happen… yet here we are. I don’t hate it though; I like it. A lot.”

 

     I lay my head back down, mumbling an agreement before feeling another yawn escape from me. “Well, I don’t know about you, but I’m going to sleep. I don’t think I can keep my eyes open another minute.” I felt lips make contact with mine for just a few short seconds, and I smiled very faintly in response to let him know I felt it. I finally drifted off to sleep, soon being filled with dreams about any possible future that Clay and I could ever have together.

 

     I woke up the next morning to Clay’s phone going off constantly with text messages, and I grumbled while rolling over to try and go back to sleep. I got annoyed and gently shook Clay’s shoulder, scowling to myself before sitting up. “Clay, shut your fucking phone up.”

 

**Clay’s Point of View**

 

     I finally rolled over and grumbled to myself, yawning and blindly making a reach for my phone. I unlocked it and started seeing a multitude of messages from Jess, Felix and Tony, each demanding I call them as soon as I could. I finally sat up and made a call to Tony, who was yelling at me as soon as he answered.

 

**Tony’s Point of View**

 

     I stopped punching the bag during my session with Caleb, moving over to my phone. When I saw Clay calling, I held an angry look on my face. I went to answer and Caleb nearly stopped me. “Hey man, you’re cheating both your parole officer and me. What gives?” “Sorry Caleb; I have to take this.”

 

     I swiped left to answer the call, immediately conveying my frustration and irritation with Clay to him. “Where the hell have you been? All three of us have been trying to reach you for two hours, Clay!” … “I hope you realize something’s wrong. Alex is missing. Felix called Jess this morning when he realized Alex wasn’t in bed. He tried calling out for him, but he never heard a response. So Jess tried to call you; and then I tried to call you. Get your ass to Jess’s house right fucking now; do you understand me?”

 

**Clay’s Point of View**

 

     I nearly dropped my phone after Tony hung up on me, and I looked over at Justin in shock. “Alex isn’t anywhere to be found; Felix can’t find him, Jess can’t get in touch with him, and neither can Tony. We have to get to Jess’s house; now.” I saw Justin’s eyes grow wide as he nodded his head, standing up and going to the closet to throw on some of the clothes we got him. I got about halfway to the front door with Justin when I realized there was no car we could drive, so I texted Tony to drive to us.

 

     Within about twenty minutes, Tony had rushed up to the side of the house and waited impatiently for us to get in. We both jumped into the car, and he sped off while we were getting buckled into our seats. When we pulled up to Jess’s house, I got out and saw her sobbing on the front porch. I held her for just a moment before pulling away to look at her. “Jess, we gotta get to Felix. Let’s go.”

 

     We then went from there to Felix and Alex’s house, where the door was still cracked open and it seemed eerily silent around the house. We all rushed in and found Felix in bed, just staring at the wall in near emotionless silence. “Felix?” He looked up at me, and when I stepped forward to sit next to him, he clung onto me as he burst into tears. I held onto him, closing my eyes and rocking us both back and forth for comfort.

 

     After he managed to calm down, Tony managed to talk some information out of him. “Did you ever hear him get up, or hear anyone get into the house?” “No. I woke up and he was gone. I always sleep super heavy, so I just… didn’t notice until it was too late.” Tony sighed and fished his phone from his pocket. I came to realize he dialed 911, where he instructed them to send police as we were dealing with a kidnapping.

 

     As sirens started to approach the house, I was in complete and utter shock and awe of the situation before. I felt my heart sink as the first officer approached the house, as it was none other than Alex’s own father. “Sir, we’re so sorry. We-” “Son, you did nothing wrong. You weren’t here to stop it, and Felix was unable to stop it either. None of you were able to. Don’t apologize to me. Just be there for Alex when he’s home.” I nodded to him, seeing Officer Standall wipe a single tear from his eye before heading to Felix’s side to talk with and comfort him.

 

     More and more sirens approached the house to start searches for Alex, and it was then that we realized the magnitude of this situation. I was mentally starting to put two and two together; the note saying “WE KNOW” at the door, Alex being kidnapped. Someone could have thought he held key information, so they took him to keep him quiet and control him.

 

     Justin had moved to my side to comfort me, noticing the obvious look of panic that I held on my face. “Do you think that note we got at our house had anything to do with this? We get the note, and the next day, he’s gone. Maybe someone wanted to keep him quiet, so they took him?” Justin shook his head and shrugged his shoulders, moving to hold me to further comfort me.

 

     “Clay, you don’t need to worry about that. What you need to do is give them that note, tell them what you’re speculating, and they’ll take care of everything. This isn’t your mystery to solve.” I reluctantly nodded my head, pulling away once I was sure that I was stable enough to go without it.

 

     I looked over at Alex’s father, slowly making my way to him to talk to him. “Mr. Standall?” Once he looked at me, I continued. “Can I talk to you about something privately?” He nodded to me, standing up from Felix’s side and moving to the living room with me. “I don’t know if this is what’s going on, but I can’t help but think this is related to a note I saw in my front door last night. When Justin and I got home last night, we saw a note in the door that said “we know” on it. Last night, the note, and today he’s gone; I can’t help but think somebody knows what’s going on with the trials and what _he_ knows, and they took him to keep both us and him quiet.

 

     “Alright. Clay, I want you to give me that note. Do you have it with you?” I shook my head and stuck my hands in my pockets. “Well, I want that note. We’ll need it as possible evidence. We might also have to bring you in for questioning, given you’re the one the note was given to. You three go on home for now; we’ll take care of getting Jessica home for you.”

 

     I muttered my thanks to him before turning to leave with Justin and Tony, feeling sick to my stomach with anxiety and shock, taking my place in the passenger seat and looking Tony in the eyes. “What do we do?” He sighed and put his hand on my shoulder, rubbing it and directly returning my gaze. “We go on with our lives however we can, and we let the cops do their jobs. They’ll find him. His dad is a fucking cop; he’ll make sure they find him. Right now, we get home and we try to go on the best way possible.”

 

     Tony returned Justin and I back home, and we made our way back inside and upstairs to our room. I sat on the bed, looking up at Justin as he sat down in the desk chair. “I can’t believe this happened. I really hope they find him.” Justin returned my statement of hope and despair with one of his own, though not of despair but of hope and optimism. “They will.”

 

• ☾✩☽•

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I'll do my best to have the third chapter up within the next couple of weeks. I hope I haven't lost all of you yet; it's only just beginning.


	4. Update

Hello everyone!

I apologize immensely for the long wait again. I've been trying to perfect this chapter and get all of the necessary information so that I wouldn't be writing misinformation in regards to certain things that happened. I've wanted this chapter to be as good as it can be, so the wait has been a bit longer than I thought. The chapter is nearing its end, so I want to think I'll have it up within the next week, at most. 

Thank you all for sticking with me through the extended wait times. I hope you all will be pleased with the result of the wait. I'm happy and proud of what I've completed of the third chapter so far. 

-Cay-


	5. Chapter Three

**Chapter Three**

 

• ☾✩☽•

 

**Alex’s Point of View**

 

     I could feel myself waking up again, my mind still in a bit of a haze from when I woke up to my body being dragged out of bed by someone unfamiliar. When I started to regain my sense of feeling, I could tell my body was on a floor that felt familiar despite only my feet having ever touched its surface. I opened my eyes and saw things that I could only ever hope were my imagination; things I hadn’t seen in months. A coffee table with a glass top, a TV big enough for any games you wanted to play, and even a couch behind me. There was a small kitchen area and some bongs on the counter.

 

     I nearly choked on my own spit, realizing exactly where I was and trying to figure out any possibly way this could be a dream. I tried to stand up and failed immediately, a whimper escaping from my mouth as my left arm collapsed underneath me, sending my face right back to the floor. I couldn’t help but shudder as I heard a voice enter the room that I had hoped would leave me alone after the last party, and to my dismay, it was exactly him – Montegomery.

 

     “Looks like the fucking pansy is finally awake again. It took you long enough – I was almost ready to give up on you. God damn, you sleep like a fucking rock.” I could fucking spit at him right now, were he close enough. “Fuck you, Monte. Why am I even here?” He knelt down in front of me but at a distance; at least he was smart enough. “Listen, you little shit; you know about the party. We know you do. We’ve gotta keep your mouth shut, or not only do I get in trouble, so do you.”

 

     I laughed a breathy laugh at him, shaking my head and looking up into his eyes. “You don’t remember, do you? I’ve got fucking immunity; my dad’s a cop.” I heard Monte curse, and I smirked. “Yeah, you didn’t remember.” I gasped out a bit, reaching for my head and started to wince silently. Suddenly, Monte started spewing out shit to me again. “Whoa dude; the fuck is wrong with you?” I finally regained my composure enough to let him know, letting go of my head and started to speak once I shook off my pain. “Uh, the fucking hole in my head? That shit still hurts, y’know. I doubt you were smart enough to bring my meds with me, or did you surprise me?”

 

     Monte started saying shit to me that I didn’t see coming, taking me aback. “Listen, I’m not fucking cruel. Yes, I brought your shit with you. Even your antidepressants and your anti-anxiety meds. You’ve got notes on your fridge and shit to remind you. Like I didn’t see it; you’ve got it out in the open. I brought you here to fucking torture you, not to god damn kill you.” I guess he saw me cock my eyebrow in confusion, because he sighed and kept talking. “Look, I liked having you around in our group before shit fell apart. You were fucked up too, and you understood.”

 

     I tried to sit up again, and I whined slightly before looking up at him. “Before I start talking, can you sit me up or something?” He moved over to me, bringing his arms up under my own to sit me up on the couch, and he sat on the table across from me. “Everyone’s fucked up, Monte. Why me though?” “You were the only one in our group that understood what I was dealing with.” I looked up at him, seeing his hands move for his shirt. “What are you doing?”

 

     He sighed and held his hands up. “Relax, I’m just lifting up my shirt to show you something. Chill out.” I sighed and felt my body release its tension, seeing his hands lift up his shirt. I saw bruising come into plain sight, my face turning cold and pale. “Who did that?” “My dad. He knows my secrets, and he fucking taunts me like it’ll make them go away; like it’ll change me. So I get angry at the people who try to hurt Bryce, who try to tell me what the fuck to do.”

 

     I shook my head, looking into his eyes. “You can’t think Bryce is right in all of this. He fucking raped Hannah and Jessica; we were in here at the party, and Bryce told you about Jess; I know he did. He brags about that shit all the fucking time, Monte.” He sighed and looked down at his feet, then back up into my eyes. “I know; if I rat him out, I lose the last good thing in my fucking life right now. He does fucked up shit, but he treats me fucking amazing, Alex. I rat him out, and I lose the last thing that keeps me from thinking about the fucked up shit my dad does to me.”

 

     I sighed and looked at his torso area again, closing my eyes for a moment to think before I started talking. “Look; come with me back home. If you tell them everything that’s right, they’ll let you go. I’ll have you talk with my dad. And Jess and the others are amazing. It’ll take time for them to trust you, but if you tell them that Bryce had you on fucking strings to keep protecting him, they’ll understand. We all will, especially Justin. He was in your position. Just do the right thing Monte; we can do so much more for you than Bryce can. We’ll treat you so much better, Monte.”

 

     I could see him hesitating, but finally break down. I saw him start tearing up; something I’d never seen before, even when I was in their group of friends and we saw the vulnerable sides of him that nobody else did. “Okay. I’ll talk to your dad. I’m fucking tired of this shit; of Bryce telling me that if I don’t keep him clean that he’s done with me. I just want something good that’s permanent, Alex.” I leaned forward, putting my hand on his knee and nodding to him. “We can give you that. Just trust me, okay? When you weren’t being such a piece of shit to people, you were actually a fucking decent human being, Monte.”

 

     He sighed and got up, getting my phone from the counter and handing it to me. “Here. Call your dad and tell him where you are. We’ll do this shit now.” I nodded and took it from him, dialing my dad’s number. When he answered, he sounded panicked and upset. “Dad, it’s okay; I’m fine. … Look, when I tell you where I am, it’s not what you think. And when you get here, you need to listen to what this guy here has to say. Bryce had strings on him, and he couldn’t get out of it without having someone else to back him up. He wants to help us. … I’m at Bryce’s pool house with Montegomery. He brought me here, but I want you to listen to him.” Dad was hesitant to agree, but finally did and said he’d be here soon. I spoke my goodbyes to him and hung up, looking back up at Monte. “He’ll listen to you. He’s skeptical, but he’ll listen.”

 

     Over the next half hour, dad finally showed up. When he entered the pool house, he rushed over to me and hugged me while kneeling down in front of me, holding me close. “Dad, it’s okay. I’m not hurt.” After another minute had passed, he finally pulled away from me and looked at Monte with the most disgusted but curious look on his face. “You have five minutes. Talk.”

 

**Monte’s Point of View**

 

     I sighed, going over to a seat a few feet away from Alex and his dad, resting my forearms on my knees and looking up at the officer standing before me. “I was the one that brought Alex here. Bryce put me up to it. He told me that if I didn’t do it, he’d destroy me. His family has money, so they have all the power. I was fucking terrified of what they’d do to me, so I did it. I didn’t want anything to do with this shit; I swear. I just wanted to stay out of it, but once Bryce put me up to it, there was nothing I could even do. He’s done shit for me like give me a place to stay when my dad was fucking beating the shit out of me at home, or buy me shit when my dad refused to. My mom died before I got to Liberty, so Bryce helped me get through it all. He’s done shit to treat me right so that when it came down to the fucked up shit he does, I wouldn’t say anything. To back up the fact that we all know how much money his family has, and that they can get out of anything.”

 

     I noticed Alex’s dad soften his gaze at me, and turning more into one of concern. “Montegomery, you mentioned your father was beating you. Can you tell me about that?” I sighed, feeling my bottom lip tremble for just a second before I started to speak. “I-” I looked over to Alex, fearing the worst judgment from him once I told his dad about everything, closing my eyes and sitting back to sink into the comfort of the chair. “I’m gay, and my dad doesn’t like it. He knew about it before mom died, but after she was gone he started taking everything out on me. Him being upset about her, being angry about me being gay; he just beat the shit out of me over every tiny thing I did wrong.”

 

     I heard Alex’s dad sigh with a great deal of sadness and anger, and when I opened my eyes to look at him he was knelt down in front of me. “Do you have proof of his abuse, Montegomery?” I nodded and lifted up my shirt, revealing the bruising that covered my rib-cage. “He did this with his baseball bat the other night. I was out late with Bryce, and he got mad at me and beat the shit out of me again.” I paused for a moment, soon looking at my knees. “Officer Standall, I’m sorry I fucking took Alex. I was scared of him, and I-”

 

     “Call me Bill. Montegomery, we’re gonna help you get away from Bryce, and get away from your father. We’ll get you out of there. You have to come with me though; he’s committed a crime, and he has to pay for that. Are you ready to follow through on that?” I paused, looking up into his eyes with fear in my own. “I am, but where will I go? I have nobody else who will take me in. Once Bryce realizes I ratted him out, he’s done with me, and once my dad is gone, I have no fucking home to go back to.”

 

     Bill put his hands on my shoulders, rubbing them to get my attention. When he saw I was looking at him, he nodded to me. “If you want to, we’ll let you stay with us. With Alex’s brother gone off to college, we have a couple of extra rooms available. Alex, I’d like to have you and Felix come back home for a while. We don’t feel safe with you both being alone in that house until we can maximize the security of it.” I nodded to him, closing my eyes and putting my arms around Bill’s body. “Thank you sir. This means so much to me.” He put his arms around my own body, rubbing my back for added comfort. “Hey, those of us in need have to take whatever we can get for help. Justin, Alex, Jess; all of us who have been hurt. It’ll be alright, son.”

 

     We finally headed back to the cop car, Alex getting in the back seat while we headed off to my house. I guess he noticed I was panicking, because he reached forward and put his hand on my shoulder. “Hey, are you alright?” I shook my head before nodding to him, looking back at him. “Yeah. I’m just scared shitless of him.” We all got out of the car, Alex holding onto my arm as I had left his cane at his house. Bill banged his fist on the front door, putting his hand on his gun while waiting for the door to open. When it finally did, I stood directly behind Bill so that dad wouldn’t see me.

 

     “Can I help you?” Bill got out his handcuffs, advancing towards the man in the house. “You’re under arrest for the abuse of a minor. Turn around and get against the wall, right now!!” Not wanting to cause a scene, I watched dad do as instructed and get his wrists cuffed behind his back, and then watched Alex’s dad search him to make sure he wasn’t carrying anything illegal. When he was turned around to face us, he looked at me with disgust on his face and started yelling at me. “You were behind this, you little faggot? You should-”

 

     Bill yanked him forward and back-handed him in the face, shutting him up immediately. “Alright, that’s enough out of you.” He turned to Alex and I, looking at us both. “You both stay here to pack up some things to bring home with us. I’m running him down to the station to put him into custody, and when I’m done I’ll come back here for you both. Lock yourselves in and I’ll knock when I’m here. One with a pause, two short knocks. Understand? That way you’ll know it’s me.” I nodded to him, watching him pile both dad and himself into the car and drive away, my body hunching over as the tension left my body.

 

     “You okay?” I nodded, heading inside with him. I turned to lock the front door and then we made our way into my room. I sat him down on my bed while I started to pack a bag full of clothes, putting anything else I needed inside, as well as a big giant wad of cash that my father had no idea I’d stolen from him out of anger.

 

     I finally turned around when I was finished, turning to Alex and sighing. “So, I wanted to say that I was sorry. I rode your ass in the hall that day after Bryce’s party, because we heard them outside, and I told you to stay quiet about it. Now I wish I had let you say something, because Hannah might still be here. Things might would be different right now.”

 

     I saw Alex nod his head, soon shrugging his shoulders. “Yeah, you’re right. She might not have killed herself, and I might not have tried, but who’s to say that maybe you’d still be getting away from your dad right now? That might not have even changed at all, and Justin might not have ever ended up on the streets. He and Jess had their issues because of the tapes, and if she never died then the tapes wouldn’t have ever existed.” I saw him thinking after a long few moments of silence, and then when his mouth opened to speak, what I heard had me cornered in the metaphorical corner of the room. “So… you’re gay?”

 

     I swallowed what large amount of saliva had collected in my mouth, closing my eyes and nodding. “Yeah. I wasn’t sure who I could tell, so I just decided not to tell anybody. It was better than becoming the laughing stock of the whole fucking school and getting my ass beat for it.” I finally looked up into his eyes, giving him a rather sincere look. “When you started dating Felix and you guys were being open about it, I was tempted to come out and say I was gay too. Then that fear of becoming the poster child for the school’s definition of a faggot kept coming back to me and I just… never did.”

 

     Alex returned my gaze, giving me one of hope and optimism like before. “You’re going to be with good people now. We’re all accepting of everything. Just do your best and that’s all we’ll ever ask of you. When we get to the house, we’ll start with Clay and Justin. I’ll text them and have them come over, and I’ll make sure to let them know that whoever is there is there for good, nothing bad. I’ll be right there, and they won’t do anything with my dad home. They know better.”

 

     I nodded to him, soon hearing the knock Bill mentioned earlier; one knock, then two. I got up and helped Alex stand, making way to the door to unlock it and get out of the house. I took the set of house keys from the kitchen and locked the place up, sliding them into my right jeans pocket while Bill helped Alex get into the car. I got into the passenger seat and let Bill transport us from my now former house to Alex and Felix’s own, where Bill went inside to get as many things of theirs as possible. He got put it all into the trunk and got Felix into the backseat beside Alex, and from there we all headed off to Bill and Carolyn’s home, where we would all stay for the time being.

 

     It took a little while, we finally got back home and settled in, where I took a seat on the bed with them while we anxiously waited for the arrival of Clay and Justin. Alex had texted them that we’d be here at his old house, and that he and Felix had someone here that wanted to talk to them; that I was here with extremely good intentions. They agreed, and within half an hour, dad was calling out to us that Clay and Justin were coming upstairs to my room. I guess Felix saw the panic and anxiety on my face, because he looked at me and tilted his head. “Hey, it’s okay. They’ll trust you; just be honest.”

 

**Clay’s Point of View**

 

     I opened Alex’s bedroom door with Justin right behind me, and what we saw had us floored. I narrowed my eyes and shut the door behind us, clenching my teeth for just a moment before looking to Alex. “What the fuck is he doing here?” Alex sighed and looked up at us, looking for us to listen; it was written all over his face without words being needed. “Look, just listen. It’s not what you think; he isn’t here to hurt anyone. Just listen to him, okay?” I sighed and looked at Monte, giving him a look sent straight from hell itself. “Talk.”

 

     Monte gave Alex and Felix both a look of almost fear before looking back in front of him to Justin and I, finally starting to speak. “Bryce had strings on me to keep me from going against him. He knew that if I did, he could just drop me like a fly and ruin me; he and his family all have so much fucking money, you know they can. So I kept him clean to keep him from ruining me. My dad knows that I’m gay, and he beats the fuck out of me for it. I knew if I ever went against Bryce, I wouldn’t have a place to stay when shit got too bad at home anymore. When Alex was taken away, it was me. Bryce told me to do it, and I just wanted to stay out of it; but I was terrified of going against him, so I did it. Look, my dad’s been taken to the police station and Alex’s parents are letting me stay here with all of them. I ratted Bryce out to Alex’s dad because I didn’t want to fucking do it anymore. I’m tired of following him like a puppy because I’m so fucking scared of what he and his family will do if I don’t.”

 

     Justin walked over to Monte, both of us having seen him start to tear up while he spoke, and put his hand on his shoulder. “Hey, it’s alright. We’re gonna help. Clay helped me; Jess helped Alex. Alex helped Felix, and Tony helped Clay. We can help you.” I nodded, giving him a stern look of both caution and hope. “He’s right. We’ll be cautious of you, but you’ll fit in with us as long as you stay out of trouble.” He nodded to me, agreeing to the stipulations of which he’d be held to in order to fit in with our group of friends. “I believe you can redeem yourself; I really do. I just want you to know that we’re all here for you.”

 

     Bill and Carolyn had all of us stay for dinner, insisting Justin and I go home on a full stomach. While we were all sitting at the table, Bill gave Justin and I a look that had us a bit on edge until he started to speak. “Hey, we want you to know that we’re happy to see you doing so well, Justin. We were worried about you after you went away.” I looked over at Justin, seeing him smile a bit before swallowing his food to speak. “Thank you sir. I’ve been doing much better ever since Clay and his parents took me in. They’ve been really generous.”

 

     Alex noticed Felix brooding as he ate his food, and he couldn’t help but interrupt the conversation to focus on him. “Hey, are you okay?” Felix looked up at him, looking out of sorts but nodding his head. “Oh, yeah. I’m fine; sorry. I was just caught up in my thoughts, I guess.” Bill shook his head, reaching over and putting his hand on Felix’s shoulder. “Felix, you aren’t acting like yourself, son. You can talk to all of us. What’s on your mind, kid?”

 

     “I’m just worried about my dad.” I looked up at him, cocking an eyebrow and swallowing my steak. “Mom texted me while Alex was gone today and she said that he wasn’t doing any better; he’d actually gotten worse.” He started to tear up and reached up to wipe the tears away, putting his shoulders on the table as he leaned forward and held his head. “They’ve got him on life support and they don’t think he’s gonna get any better.”

 

     Alex’s mouth gaped open and he wrapped his arms around him, holding him as close as he could without making him fall from his wheelchair. “Oh my god, Felix. I’m so sorry. Dad, can’t we fly him out there?” Bill and Carolyn looked at each other, deep in thought before sitting against the backs of their chairs. “We were saving that money for your college expenses, but we’ll take--” Bill was interrupted by Felix’s phone ringing in his pocket, to which he answered immediately once he saw it was his mother.

 

     “Hey mom, what’s going on? …” I watched his face go from worried to stone cold in an instant, and I put down my fork and knife and started to stand up. “N-No.. But they said-- …” I could see his body heaving as he tried to find anything he could say, anything at all; the distress was written all over his face, and all we could do was wonder what was wrong. “… I love you too, mom. Bye.”

 

     He hung up and dropped his phone on the floor, and I rushed over to him and knelt down in front of him. I looked into his eyes and all I saw was distress and anguish inside of him. “What happened?” He opened his mouth to speak, and he started sobbing immediately and shook his head as if to fight it off. I wrapped my arms around him, holding him tightly and rocking us both back and forth. His phone beeped on the floor and Alex picked it up, his fears confirmed when he unlocked it to see a text from Felix’s mother; she was telling him that she would fly he and I, plus whatever friends he wanted to have with him, when the wake and funeral for his father would occur.

 

     When he relayed it to Felix, I closed my eyes and tightened my hold on him, whispering to him. “Felix, we’re all right here. It’ll be okay. Do you want us to stay here?” I felt him nod his head and I looked at Justin, never moving from my position. “Bill, will you drive Justin to our house so he can go grab some things to have here? We’ll sleep on the floor; I’ve got some air mattresses at home we can blow up and use.” Bill gave confirmation and left with Justin almost immediately after agreeing to go.

 

     Alex, Monte, Felix and I all left the table early to go upstairs and sit in Alex’s room until Justin got back about an hour later. He came up with Bill, carrying two bags himself and Bill carrying one giant bag that held the two mattresses and the battery-powered pump used to blow them up. Felix had passed out while clinging to Alex, which I was rather thankful for because at least then he wasn’t hyperventilating as he cried.

 

     Bill left us all alone to talk amongst ourselves, Justin blowing up the mattresses for he and I to sleep on, though Monte ended up taking one while Justin and I ended up sleeping on the other, holding each other in our sleep despite having started out apart from each other.

 

**Four Days Later**

 

     We had gotten to Kansas the night before, staying at the home of Felix’s mother, Anne. She had been kind enough to let us stay at home with her until the funeral was over with, which we were all highly generous for. She flew Felix, Alex, Justin, Monte and I all out to stay with her; we all wanted to give Monte a chance to show his change of character, and decided to have him come with us. We were getting ready for the funeral and the wake immediately after, and as soon as I was done I left Justin in our room and went to the next room over, knocking on the door. “Felix? Can I come in?” He called out to me, to which I opened the door and saw his tie a complete mess. “Oh god, I’m glad I came over. You really do need some help here; look. I’ll show you.”

 

     I knelt down in front of him, showing him how to tie his own tie with mine as an example, and he repeated it for me successfully. “Good job, Felix. You look sharp.” He nodded to me, rolling back in front of the vanity to continue fixing his hair with some gel and hair spray, making sure it was styled nice and neat. I put my hands on his shoulders, turning him to look into his eyes. “Your dad would be proud. You look good.” He stalled for just a moment, nodding his head to me and smiling. “Yeah, he would.”

 

     Alex soon knocked on the door, opening it after I said he was allowed. “Hey. Your mom said it’s time to get to the church.” I looked to Felix, rubbing his shoulder before picking him up out of his wheelchair while Monte came in and grabbed his chair, folding it up to carry with us. We all got downstairs to find a very somber Anne, who was waiting for us at the kitchen table. “Thanks boys, for helping him this morning. You look very nice today, Felix.” He thanked his mother, and we all got outside and into the SUV in the driveway, piling ourselves and the wheelchair inside.

 

**Monte’s Point of View**

 

     We all left the house and ended up at the church about twenty or so minutes later, parking at the front in the handicapped spot to make it easier to get Felix inside. We were stopped at every turn to receive condolences with Felix and his mother, but we eventually arrived up at the front where the casket was. Alex and I stood on either side of Felix as he stared at his father, and when he started to sob I knelt down and held him. “Felix, it’s okay, man. We’re all right here.”

 

     He eventually calmed down and told me I was okay to back up, so I did and began to wheel him to the pews. We put him at the end with his Anne, and soon after the funeral began. They had several family friends and members come up and speak about what an amazing man Felix’s father was, how good of a father he was, and what an honor it was to know him. Felix was surprisingly calm for the duration, though he had his moments where he cried into his mother’s arms.

 

     When the funeral was over, we all went outside for the burial. Felix was at the front with his mother and all of us standing right behind him, with everyone else scattered around us in their own groups. Everyone was given a flower to throw onto the casket, and as they all threw them in one by one, we didn’t realize or notice it, but Felix was cracking and breaking more and more with each second that passed.

 

     Right before he went to go forward, he told his mother to let him go by himself, so we all stayed behind to watch him from a distance. All of a sudden, it started to pour down rain while the other groups were starting to head back to their cars for shelter. Felix got underneath the big awning by the casket, taking the flower in a hand that we could all see was shaking with all of the overwhelming emotions within him. It was then that something happened that nobody saw coming, not even his mother or Alex.

 

     He leaned forward to throw it in and fell out of his wheelchair, all in one motion. Anne ran forward to try and get him back in his chair, but he screamed at her to get away from him and leave him alone; for all of us to do the same. He finally started crying and yelling, staring at the casket and starting to rip apart the flower he was given. The two men who were to bury the casket stood by in silence, remaining blissfully ignorant as to not anger him.

 

     Felix finally started to calm down, and I slowly approached him. When he didn’t resist, I reached my arms around him and sat down in front of him, rocking us both back and forth until he had poured everything out of him. When he was finally completely calm, I stood up and lifted him up with me, placing him back into his wheelchair. We all stood in silence as they buried the casket, comforting both Anne and Felix as they did so.

 

     We all finally went back to her house, getting dressed into more comfortable attire and packing up our things. Unfortunately, we couldn’t stay any longer as I had to be back for school. All of our plane tickets were the same, so there was no negotiating who stayed and who left. We all thanked Anne for her generosity and wished her the best in her time of recovery, and Alex and Felix both said their goodbyes to her and vowed to keep in touch with her every single day.

 

**One Day Later**

 

**Justin’s Point of View**

 

     When we got to the airport, Jessica was there with Tony, who were waiting rather impatiently for us, and not in the good way. When we got to them, they ran to us and pulled us away into a corner. “Hey. You guys might want to lay low for a while. Wait; what’s _he_ doing with you?” She said the word with quite a bit of enunciation, looking straight at Monte. “Don’t worry. We’ll explain later. What’s going on?”

 

     Tony looked Monte up and down, then to Clay, and finally at me. “Bryce is pissed. He’s been on a rampage and sending shit to your house, Clay. To mine, Jessica’s, everyone’s. What did you guys do?” Monte sighed and looked at him, looking ashamed if anything. “We’ll explain when we all get to Clay’s house. We can’t talk about it here, obviously.”

 

     Once agreements were made and we were all piled into cars, we all met up at Clay’s house. We all stopped and spoke for a bit with Matt and Lainie, who immediately gave their condolences to Felix in regards to his father. He thanked them, and soon we got into Clay’s room, where I shut and locked the door behind us. Monte sat down on the bed, Jess and Tony looking at him cautiously. “So what are you doing with them? What the fuck?” He hunched over as Jess laid into him, sighing before I stepped forward. “Hey, chill out. He’s not here to hurt anyone, okay? Just listen.”

 

     Monte then sat up straighter, looking into Jessica’s eyes and then into Tony’s. “I’m the one who took Alex. Bryce put me up to it; I didn’t want to, but when he told me to, I had no choice. I’m not gonna sit here and pretend that nobody here knows his parents have enough money to ruin whoever they want. We all know they can. I was scared of what they would do to me, so I did. But then Alex woke up and we talked to each other. I didn’t want to follow Bryce anymore; I _don’t_ wanna follow him anymore. I’m sick of him hanging shit over my head if I don’t do what he says.”

 

     Alex looked at him when he stopped, letting him know it was okay to talk about the rest, that neither of them would judge him. I gave him the same look, putting my hand on his shoulder to get his attention for it. “My dad knows I’m gay, and he beats the shit out of me for it. When mom died right before I started at Liberty, that was it. He just started taking everything out on me, from his feelings about mom to how angry he was about me being gay. I came home late one night after being out with Bryce, and when he found out I was with Bryce instead of some chick, he beat me with his baseball bat.” He lifted up his shirt, showing off the bruising that had just begun to heal while we were away at Anne’s house. Jess looked at him in shock, soon nodding her head to him. “Well, if you’re here to help, then we’re happy to have you with us instead of him.” Tony reaffirmed her statement, letting him know that he was able to help him if he had any questions, giving him an obvious nod to the section of which he stated that he was gay.

 

     He finally sat down next to Jess, sighing and resting his arms against his knees. “So that’s why he’s pissed. Well shit; what do you plan to do about that? I know it’s not your fault, Monte, but you did this.” Jess playfully shoved Tony after he said that, scoffing when he smirked at her. “All jokes aside, we have to lay low here for a while. Clay, can your mom help?” He nodded his head, leaning against the door while looking out the window at a passing car. “Yeah. We can call Alex’s dad, and he’ll help us out too.”

 

     With everything discussed, Clay went downstairs with Tony and Monte, explaining to her what happened. Clay came back up with them, telling us that she was more than willing to help cover for us with Principal Bolan until we could be free of Bryce’s rage. Meanwhile, Alex was on the phone with his dad, giving him the rundown of what was going on and trying to figure out what could be done about Bryce. Eventually, he got off of the phone and sat it down, looking at us with a somewhat look of relief. “So none of us are going back to school for a while. We have to keep away from Bryce, but my dad will help take care of that. In turn, we’re all gonna have to testify against him, those of us who can. That means Monte, Felix, Jess, Justin and me.”

 

     We all looked worried and stressed about what Alex said, especially Jessica. I looked at her, touching her arm to get her attention. “Don’t be scared. I have to testify against my dad, and I’m scared shitless of him. Hah, he called me a faggot after Alex’s dad cuffed him. He tried to get one more on me, but Bill took him away before he had the chance to say anything else. We got him into the custody of the state before he had the chance to do anything else to me. We can both do this.” She smiled at him, nodding her head. “Yeah, you’re right.”

 

     We all agreed to wait out the process at Clay’s house, until Bill arrived to escort us all home using his car. Jess, who used my car, followed behind Bill. The rest of us just stayed at Clay’s house for the time being, with the permission of Matt and Lainie. Tony decided to stay for a while as well, making sure we were all okay first and foremost.

 

**Monte’s Point of View**

 

     After about an hour had come and gone, I pulled Tony off to go sit on the front porch, making sure the light was turned off so that nobody would see us. I sat down on the steps with him, sighing and leaning against the stair-rail before looking at him. “When did you realize you were gay?”

 

     Tony looked over at me, going deep in thought before responding to me. “Well, I think I was about fourteen. I just couldn’t find myself interested in women, but the more I thought about men, the better things sounded to me.” I nodded my head, looking down at his shoes before scaling my eyes up to gaze at his entire person.

 

     “I’ve always seen you as pretty intriguing, to be honest with you. Like I wanted to know more about you, no matter how much I tried to stay away. Like, the more I look at you now, the more I want to know more about _you_.” He gave me a curious look, and I had leaned forward to sit up and look at him more closely. “You’re interesting to me, Tony, and I don’t fucking know why.”

 

     Tony kept staring right into my eyes, looking skeptical as all hell with every word I said, but he didn’t seem to push me back or try to move away from me either. He leaned forward to get a bit closer to me, and I found myself locked in a kiss with the Mexican sitting before me. I couldn’t help it; he made me want more, despite having no knowledge of his interests or true personality, or the lack of relationship with him at all.

 

     I pulled away a bit in pure shock, giving him a look into his eyes of pure curiosity and eagerness. Our kiss soon turned into a battle between two tongues, his lips parting and allowing my tongue entrance into his mouth. I sat up just a bit more and shifted myself over to sit right up against him, his hand wrapping around the small of my back while the other slid up underneath my shirt. I made a small noise of approval against into his mouth, our tongues dancing together in a passionate exchange.

 

     After a heated moment more, we both pulled away and looked at each other, my own cheeks slightly tinted red and face holding a nervous expression. “Sorry. I got carried away for a minute.” He shook his head, looking into my eyes. “It’s all good. I did too.” He then took me by surprise, placing a hand on my right arm. “I wouldn’t mind doing that again sometime. Maybe a date, perhaps?” I nodded, my stomach feeling light and body feeling almost woozy. “Yeah; that sounds good. We should get back inside.”

 

     We both went back inside and upstairs to Clay’s room, taking our own seats anywhere we could find in the room. Justin and Clay were both sitting next to each other on the bed, Tony went and sat on the futon, and I took my place in Clay’s desk chair. Tony looked over to Clay, seeming to be thinking quite a bit. “So why were all of you over at Alex’s dad’s? You guys were over there for like, three fucking days, and then apparently someone told me you guys had flown out to fucking _Kansas_. Will someone explain that?”

 

     Clay nodded to him, sighing a bit and looking over at him. “Felix’s dad suddenly passed away after the car accident he was in that day we met up at Monet’s – the day we found Justin – so he requested we all go with him to Kansas for the funeral and the burial. So Justin, Alex, Monte and I all went with him.” Tony nodded his head to Clay, soon lying back on the futon. “Well, I’ll be sure to text him and send him my best wishes. He can’t be doing well right now..”

 

**Monte’s Point of View**

 

     Justin sighed and leaned over to rest his body against Clay’s, to which he responded by looking at him for a brief second before wrapping his arm around his side, leaning his head over to rest against his own. He then looked over at Tony, soon slowly lying himself back so that Justin could follow. “You guys can stay in the guest room if you want. I think Justin’s ready to sleep.”

 

     I nodded to him before looking at Tony, telling him he could follow if he wanted. He took me up on the offer, following me out to the guest room across the hallway. We both went in and locked the door behind us, sitting on the bed beside each other. “So..”

 

     Tony broke the almost-silence, asking me a question I’d directed to him earlier. “So. When did you know that _you_ were gay?” I looked over at him, looking almost ashamed of my answer. “When I was in like.. sixth grade. Some girl in eighth invited me to the farewell dance, and I just wasn’t interested in it. Not even just disinterested in _her_ ; the whole idea of going with a girl just didn’t make sense to me or interest me at all. Then when I came to Liberty and met Bryce and started hanging out with him more and more, I was getting attracted to him; hardcore.”

 

     I saw Tony give me a look before speaking again, his eyebrow cocked up. “Did you guys ever..” I swallowed the spit that had collected in my mouth, nodding with a gracious amount of certainty. “Yeah. We did. About every month, he’d indulge me with some new thing I wanted to try, and it was a constant thing for like, two years. I mean, until this year. We still do stuff every now and then, but it’s not like back then.” Tony nodded in understanding of the ending of my statement, not making me say more on that. “So when you said earlier that your dad was beating you for it.. it was because of the shit you were doing with Bryce?”

 

     I nodded and lifted up my shirt so that Tony could see the bruising better than when I showed it off earlier. I felt his fingers gracefully touch against the parts that were still a deep purple, watching his eyes scan across the span of my torso. “I’m sorry he did this to you. Did you tell someone?” “Yeah. Alex’s dad was the one that took us to get everything together at my place, because I told him my dad was beating me. He got arrested at my house when Alex’s dad took us there.”

 

     I put my shirt back down after Tony withdrew his hand, my eyes looking into his own. “So, what do you want to know about me?” I sighed and shrugged my shoulders, looking down at my feet. “I’m not sure. I didn’t think that statement through. I didn’t exactly have any questions ready..” I put my hand on his arm, leaning forward to look into his eyes a little more. “I want to try something with you, Tony. Just.. sit still for me.”

 

     Tony sat as still for me as he could, though when my lips made contact with his own he had no choice but to lean forward and start to lean up into me. I leaned over him and deepened the kiss, placing my hands down on his sides to hold them. I slowly shifted my position to sit in his lap, letting his hands pull me closer as I started to kiss him even more passionately than before. I subconsciously started grinding my hips down against his own, moaning lightly into the kiss we were sharing. He finally pulled away after another minute and looked into my eyes, a bit short of breath. “Hey, we don’t have to do this. Are you sure?”

 

     I nodded to him, starting to blush a bit as I looked down to realize I’d started to get hard during the kiss with him. I looked away from him, his hand moving to let his fingers grab my chin, making my look into his eyes. “Nothing wrong with that, you know.” I was about to question him but before I say even a single word, he yanked my head in close to start kissing me again. I moaned a bit with surprise against his lips, closing my eyes and starting to almost needily resume the grinding of my hips against his own.

 

     His lips soon parted to allow his tongue to prod against my lips, soon prying them open rather easily and snaking it inside of my mouth to dance and rub against my own tongue. I moaned out a bit into his mouth, feeling his hands suddenly grip my sides tightly and flip us over, his body now leaning over my own. I was taken by surprise at first, but then when he continued grinding our hips together, I knew exactly what was happening and that there was no end in sight.

 

     I finally had to pull away to breathe, panting heavily and feeling my dick strain against the fabric of my pants. I whined a bit, looking down at my pants and then back up at Tony with a bit of shame and hesitation written all over my face, mixed in with eagerness and excitement. “What’s on your mind, Monte? Talk to me.” I looked into his eyes this time, sighing out and shifting a bit underneath his body. “I feel like you think less of me for my past, but fuck.. I want this, and I want it now.”

 

     He took his hand on put it on my cheek, looking right into my eyes with sincerity. “Monte, as long as you do right by us, I won’t think any less of you for your past than I think of you right now or from this moment forward. What I think of you right now? I think you’re attractive and good enough, and I want to get to know you more.” I sighed and nodded to him, feeling myself start to grow soft underneath his comforting grip and I relaxed my body, looking away. “I want to wait to do this until I feel better about this. Until everybody trusts me, I won’t feel good enough.”

 

     Tony grabbed my cheeks with his palms and forced me to look into his eyes. “Monte, listen to me. You can’t let what other people think or feel about you determine how you feel about yourself. Your confidence comes from you, nobody else. I had to teach Clay this same thing after Hannah, after the tapes. I’ll teach you too, if I have to.” I nodded to him, letting my body relax against his hold as he wrapped his arms around me. “You don’t have to be afraid with me. I’ve done some shitty things myself, I’m not perfect. I’m here to help you, not hurt you, Monte.”

 

     I felt myself relax further and further against his body as he spoke to me, his words slowly fading into a mumble and then into silence as I felt myself fall asleep.

 

**Tony’s Point of View**

 

     Monte and I were very suddenly awakened by Clay talking through the door of the guest room, knocking on it frantically. I grumbled and slowly made my way out of bed, unlocking and opening the door to see a very distraught and worried Clay. “Hey, what’s wrong?” I yawned and shook my head to try and wake myself up, Clay showing me his phone to reveal a picture of Jessica. Her neck was red and purple with black in between, and I looked up at a him. “What about this involves waking us up in the middle of the night?”

 

     Clay finally started to speak, voice laced with both anger and worry. “Jess was out with friends tonight, and Bryce cornered her at the club they went to.” Monte was out of bed immediately at that, and he stared at Clay angrily. “Where is she now?” “She said she was at the sidewalk by Monet’s. Bryce apparently dipped as soon as her friends showed up, and they had to go home. She told them she was waiting for her ride.. and that’s us, apparently.”

 

     I sighed and nodded, rubbing my eyes. “Go get ready with Justin and we’ll meet you guys outside.” I headed down the hall to the bathroom to wash my face, letting Monte come and do the same while Justin and Clay headed downstairs. We both were outside to them within five minutes, and we piled into my car to head to Monet’s. We were all worried, Monte angry as all hell and Justin trying to calm him, but what we all saw when we got there had his anger melted away into nothing but worry.

 

     Justin was the first one out of the car, and when he got to her she clung to him tightly, sobbing into his shoulder and going nearly limp, forcing him to have to hold her up. I got out with Clay and Monte, watching Justin comfort her in any way he could. It took a while before she was calm enough to talk with us, all of us moving to sit down on the sidewalk with her.

 

     I knelt down in front of her, looking into her eyes. “Hey. You don’t have to testify against him anymore if you can’t. We won’t make you. Felix will, and we know he will for you. Okay?” She nodded to me, and I smiled at her. “We’ll get through this any way that we can, okay? We’re all here for you, no matter what, Jess.”

 

**Monte’s Point of View**

 

     I sat down next to Tony, looking at my feet before staring back up at her. “I know how it feels. He’s had his way with me too, just recently. About a week ago now.” She looked up into my eyes when I said this, and put my hand on her shoulder for a few seconds of comfort before retracting it back to my side. “I experimented a lot with him in ninth and tenth grade when I’d made it clear with myself that I was gay, and he indulged me. This year, it just started to.. stop. I’m not even sure why. He just started showing interest in other things. Around the time he met Hannah, he started turning away from me. And then about a week ago, I went to go try and rekindle things with him, but he ended up getting me pretty drunk and drugged up, and he raped me. Like you, like Hannah, like Felix..”

 

     She stared into my eyes with shock, frowning before pulling me close into a hug. “Thank you for telling me that, Monte. I don’t feel so alone when I’m with you guys, especially now that I know you’re someone who can really.. understand what I’m dealing with, y’know?” I nodded to her after she pulled away, flashing her a quick smile. Tony stood her up and looked at her. “You ready to go home? It’s pretty late, and we don’t want anymore trouble.” She nodded, and we all piled back into the car, Clay, Justin and Jess somehow managed to squeeze into the backseat together.

 

     I got out with her to walk her to the front door when we got to her house, looking at her as she went to unlock it. “Hey, are you gonna be okay?” She seemed to hesitate, and I held my phone out. “Here, let me put my number in your phone.. in case you need to talk about anything.” She took her phone out of her pocket, unlocking it and handing it to me. I went into the contacts app and put my information in, handing it back to her and placing a hand on her arm. “Hey, try to get some sleep. I’ll text you when I get up in the morning. Call me if you need to tonight. I won’t be mad.” She nodded and gave me a half-smile, and I watched her walk inside before turning away, sighing and enjoying the warm breeze that tickled my face for just a few seconds before heading back to Tony’s car to get into the passenger seat again.

 

     I noticed everyone staring at me, and I cocked an eyebrow in pure and absolute confusion. “What?” Clay was staring me down in shock, as if he were also trying to figure something out. “I’ve never seen you act this way before.” I shrugged my shoulders, looking at him and then averting my gaze to out of my window. “She was in need, so I helped her. Besides, so far, I feel like I can just be “me” without having something held over my head with you guys. So I’m not scared to be “me”, y’know?” Justin gave a confirmation as I lay my head against the window, Tony looking over at me as I seemed to look overly exhausted out of nowhere. “Hey, you alright there?” I hummed a bit in confusion and then nodded my head when I saw his concern, yawning a bit. “Yeah, I’m fine. Just tired..”

 

     Tony nodded and started the car back up, driving us all back to Clay’s house to get some more sleep, vowing to get in touch with his mom and Bill later that day, considering it was midnight and no longer morally acceptable to say we’d “do it tomorrow”. We all got inside and back into our beds for more sleep, and Lainie woke us all up the next morning for a big family breakfast; something I welcomed graciously.

 

     We all ended up downstairs, and I was the first to ask a question in regards to our current situation. “So, Mrs. Jensen; I-” She cut me off, shaking her head gently with a small smile in my direction. “Please, call me Lainie.” “Alright. _Lainie_ \- we’re going to talk with Alex’s dad today to see what he can start doing for us, but you’re going to cover for me with school?” She nodded, taking a sip of her water after she finished her bite of eggs. “Yes. Since I work in the legal system, I can tell them that you’re in the process of getting emergency custody placed under Bill, and that he requested I call in due to some issues he was taking care of. It’ll be fine, Montegomery. Don’t worry about it. Eat. I didn’t fix all of this for it to get cold.”

 

     I smiled at her and nodded my head, starting to eat the eggs on my plate and closing my eyes with a positive reaction as I tasted them, having to hold myself back from talking with my mouth full. We all finished the meal with idle chit-chat involved in between bites of food and some with mouths full of it, and soon the four of us headed back upstairs to talk about what our plan was going to be, seeing as we couldn’t exactly leave the house. I closed and locked the door behind me, sitting on the futon and hunching over as I let my arms rest on my legs.

 

     “There’s no telling what he’ll do if he sees us outside before Bill or the police can do anything. He’s so pissed because I was the last one standing with him that knew everything – like, knew _everything_ , even about the last party Hannah went to.” I saw Clay look up at me as I said that, his eyes sparked with curiosity. “Wait, the last one she went to? What do you know?” I shook my head, looking down at my feet and trying to hide from the gaze of now all three of them. “You’ll hate both Alex and I if I tell you.”

 

     Clay told me something that I wasn’t expecting, causing me to feel hopeful about telling him the truth. “Monte, listen. I won’t be mad, much less hate you guys for it. I would rather you tell me the truth than keep it from me. I’ve been looking for anything about that party, and while it might not matter much for “investigation’s” sake now, I want to know.”

 

     I nodded to him, sighing and visibly releasing quite a bit of tension from my body with that single flow of breath. “Alex and I were invited to that party Bryce had – the last one Hannah went to. He and I ended up at the pool-house because we thought he’d gone to bed and everyone else had left, and while we were playing games and shitting around, we thought we heard some chick outside. Alex said something about how “it must have been a desperate whore at this hour”, and she sounded so fucking panicked and in pain. Like she was moaning, but she didn’t want to be there.” I felt myself growing emotional, Tony moving over to me to place a hand on my shoulder as he sat next to me. “It was her. It was Hannah, and it was when Bryce was raping her that night. Neither of us did anything, and I’m sorry.”

 

     Clay had moved over to me, kneeling down in front of me to look me in the eyes at eye level. “Hey. I’m not mad. You both were different people back then; you couldn’t have been expected to do anything about it back then, when you both were being held up by his strings, okay? Don’t feel responsible for that. It wasn’t your fault, and we’ll never blame either of you for that.” I slowly nodded to him, looking at him with a newfound sense of remorse written all over my face. “I’m sorry I made Alex stay quiet about it back then. I didn’t want Bryce to let me go. He was the one good thing I had going for me because my mom was already gone. I was scared to lose the one good thing I had left.” He nodded, placing a hand on my knee. “Hey, that’s okay. We understand. And now we’re gonna fix everything, so it’s okay.” I finally smiled at him, nodding my head to him and sitting against the back-rest of the futon.

 

     Just when I got relaxed, Clay’s phone went off with a call from Alex. He answered, and we were relieved when we heard what came after. “Hey Alex. … Okay, awesome. Well, we’ll be here. Jess is gonna be home, but we’ll fill her in. … Don’t worry about it right now. We’ve got it taken care of. Just.. You guys just get here. … Okay, see you guys soon.” He turned to me and then sighed. “Okay, so Alex and Felix are on the way here with Bill. We’ll be able to discuss things and figure it all out soon enough. Or at least figure out what we can do until someone here has to testify.” I grew nervous and nodded my head, looking at Tony with a bit of fear in my eyes. “What if they call me to testify? What if his fucking family calls me to testify for him?” He looked into my eyes and rubbed my shoulder. “Don’t worry about it. Just tell them the truth if you’re called to testify. If we get enough people to testify against his abuse, we won’t have to worry about him anymore.”

 

     About half an hour of nervous tension passed us by, and soon Alex walked with with his dad and Felix, and without even thinking, I found myself standing up and hugging Bill tightly.

 

**Clay’s Point of View**

 

     Alex looked at Monte with shock, and I grabbed his shoulders and sat him down on the bed next to Justin and I, shaking my head in a notion for him to leave the situation be, and whispering to him that a lot had gone on and he might have needed that fatherly comfort. Alex then left it alone, waiting until they both sat down on the futon to let me speak.

 

     “So, Jess won’t be here this morning, but we’ll tell her everything; don’t worry about that. So the reason Bryce is on the rampage is because Monte ratted him out in regards to kidnapping Alex. He lost Monte, the last person standing by him aside from his family, and so he’s lost it, basically. He’s mad at Monte, but because he heard that Monte was with us, he’s going after us even more now than he was before this even happened. We can’t go anywhere right now, because we don’t know what will happen. We’ve also learned a couple of things that we might need to take to court, sir, so I would see if we could have Monte testify. Not against his dad, but against Bryce.”

 

     Bill looked at me with curiosity, but then to Monte as he started to spill out everything he said last night again to Bill in this moment. Bill was writing down everything on a notepad he’d taken from his pants pocket, making sure to keep it concise but detailed so that he could keep it for later. “Alright. Well, I’ll make sure I relay it to the station and the court, and I’ll work with them to make sure you get to testify. Alex, I meant to tell you that you and Felix both are also able to and allowed to testify, so you’ll both be going in at some point in the next couple of weeks.”

 

     Monte kept looking like he wanted to tell them about the pool-house at the party Hannah last went to, but was dodging it. I nodded to him to let him know it was okay, and then he started spilling that out as well. “Sir, I do have information about the last party of Bryce’s that Hannah went to. Alex has this same information. We were in the pool-house that night because we thought everyone else had gone home and Bryce had gone to bed, but then we heard Hannah from in the pool-house. We heard her while Bryce was.. raping her, sir.”

 

     Bill looked at him and seemed to sit entirely still for a few seconds before nodding his head, writing that information down as well. “Alright. Boys, I can’t make you do anything, but he might get off easy or entirely if you don’t bring that up in court. If they ask you if you know anything about that last party, or of his abuse, you have to tell them this. Both of you.” Alex and Monte both nodded to him, sitting in silence for a few seconds before Bill spoke up again. “Boys, I have to head out for now for work, but just stay put here. I’ll have something to tell you from the station as soon as I get a chance to sit down and talk with them about some sort of protection for you all until someone has to testify.” We all gave our thanks to him and watched him leave, Alex and Felix looking to Monte.

 

     It was a long moment of tension and silence, and finally Felix broke the silence. “You too?” I looked at him and cocked an eyebrow, curious what he was getting at. “I never thought he’d do that to you, Monte. You were basically his right hand man.” “Yeah, he did. He got tired of me, and I guess he wanted me to know that. I know he’s a sick guy, but he really cared about me, I think. And I appreciated everything he and his parents ever did for me, from when mom died to when dad would scare me away from home and I’d need a place to stay. They did everything for me to take care of me. So when he did that to me about a week ago, it really hurt because I thought he was my best friend. I knew he did fucked up shit, but I was scared to say anything because he was the one good thing I ever had left in my life. I knew if I went against him, I’d lose everything. But then the shit with Alex happened and I talked with him, and then I knew that I could let that go. But it didn’t hurt any less that Bryce fucking raped me and took away my dignity, then asked me to do some illegal shit for him so he wouldn’t get his own hands dirty.” We all sat and watched him as he spoke back to Felix, his face full of emotions of every sort. “Turns out, I was just another guy he could use to keep his hands clean while he did all sorts of fucked up shit in the background.. stuff nobody would find out about because he makes it so they won’t tell anybody.” He paused for a few seconds, soon looking up into Felix’s eyes with a newfound power. “Until now. It’s over for him, and I’ll make sure of it. He thinks I won’t tell anybody.”

 

     I smiled at him, nodding my head to him. “See, that’s the Monte we like to see. Empowered, ready to take shit on. Just use that to be good to people, and you’ll be entirely you, just like you always wanted to be.” He smiled back at me, leaning over against Tony very suddenly and looking a bit pale. Justin seemed to have an idea of what was happening, because he stood up quickly and went over to Monte’s side straightaway.

 

**Justin’s Point of View**

 

     “Monte, what’s wrong?” He seemed to whine just a bit, holding his head as he shook his head. “Nothing, I’m fine. I’m just tired..” Tony cocked an eyebrow and held him up to look him in his eyes, but they were shut. “Hey, what the fuck, Monte? What’s going on? Talk to us.” Monte found himself with one hand over his mouth and the other around his stomach, looking at me in panic. “Trash can..!” I scrambled over and grabbed the trash can by the desk, vowing to clean it up later in the back of my head, putting it in front of Monte.

 

     He leaned over and almost immediately started throwing up into the bag lining the can, Tony rubbing his back and looking up at me. “He might be going through a withdrawal. Monte did steroids and stuff back when I still hung out with them, but I don’t know if he kept going with it or not.” When Monte had finished throwing up, he requested some water but started to speak while he waited for me to get back with it. “Yeah, when Bryce raped me a couple of days ago, that was the last time I had any steroids in my system. That’s when it stopped. So now I suddenly don’t have access to them. So yeah, I’m withdrawing because of it.. I’ll be fine.”

 

     I finally rushed back into the room with a tall glass of water for Monte, handing it to him and watching him take a couple of sips from it before setting the glass down on the coffee table in front of him. “Thanks Justin. I just need to rest for a while and it’ll be okay.” Tony nodded to him, looking him in the eyes. “Yes. You need to _rest_ , okay? I’ll be here for you with everyone else. Then again, there’s nowhere else we can go for now, so I guess that’s a good thing right now, isn’t it?”

 

     Clay looked to Tony before lying back on the bed, yawning and closing his eyes. “Well, I don’t know what we can do. We’re stuck here and have no way to get anywhere until your dad comes up with something.” Alex shrugged his shoulders, looking at Felix and then back at Clay. “I don’t know why you’re asking me. Anything I usually want to do, I wave my cane and cry and they all give it to me anyway.. and I can’t do that with this, so don’t look at me.”

 

     With nothing else to do but sit and wait, we all went down to the living room to watch movies and bullshit around while we would wait for Bill to come back to us with news regarding either the testimonies or our current situation.

 

**Monte’s Point of View**

 

     Our same routine kept up for the next three days until we saw Clay come back into his room with Bill, an envelope for each of us in hand and being passed out to their respective owners. When Justin opened up his own, he looked up at me in shock and told me to open up mine. I did so, and I looked up at him with the same look on my face. “Wait.. what? I’m being called to testify against him. What about you?” Justin shook his head, looking back down to reread what was written on his paper before looking back up to me. “I’m being asked to testify for him.” I could see him look at Clay for help, nearly ripping up the paper in his hands out of shock and frustration. “What the fuck? I haven’t had anything to do with that motherfucker in months now, and he suddenly thinks I’m gonna cover for him?!”

 

     Clay went to his side and rubbed his shoulders, trying his best to calm him down while looking at the paper. “Look, all you have to do is tell them the truth about him. That’s all, Justin. Just try to calm down right now. Getting angry won’t help anything right now.” Bill gave an agreement, which seemed to settle Justin down a bit more. “Clay’s right, Justin. Just tell them the truth. That’s the most important thing you can do in court, especially when it comes to him. No matter what else happens, tell them the truth and they’ll go after him.”

 

     Felix and Alex both had the same result, which was to testify against Bryce. Tony and Clay were also to testify against him, which left everyone at ease for the most part. Bill had to leave right after that to head to work, but left us all at home again, still waiting around for the first person to have to testify – Felix, who would be going in to testify in three days, leaving him just enough time to prepare for what they’d likely ask him, and think everything through enough that he wouldn’t break down in the middle of the testimony. Monte was schedule to be the last of us to go in to testify, which would leave him more than enough time to prepare for his end of things, down to every detail.

 

     For the time being, it was time to begin preparations for what we all feared the most from the very beginning of this entire shit-show, where we would all have to face who ended up being our biggest and worst enemy yet – the monster of Liberty High. It was time to go against that monster and avenge Hannah Baker, someone he terrorized and abused until she broke.

 

• ☾✩☽•

 

From this point on, chapters will be written much like how the episodes in the show were laid out, where a testimony and flashbacks will take place in each, one character being showcased in a chapter, unlike what has been going on up until this point. It’ll be easier for me to section them off this way and tackle each one correctly. 

 

Chapters may also be significantly shorter during the testimony chapters. This is simply because only one character is being showcased or highlighted per chapter rather than more than one in each chapter.

 

• ☾✩☽•


	6. Chapter Four

**Chapter Four**

 

• ☾✩☽•

 

**Felix’s Point of View**

 

_Victims don’t just get themselves into bad situations. Someone always does something to get them there._

 

     “Well, from my perspective and in my experience, the climate and the environment at Liberty High is very.. harsh, extreme.. displeasing? It isn’t easy to attend school there. You have to be prepared to face anything there, all because of the jocks that play baseball there, and the coach that lets them do what they do.” I watched them pace around in front of their desk, pondering on what their next question would be. “Tell us, Felix. Who was it at Liberty that gave you the most issues?”

 

     I shot Alex a look from the podium, watching him nod his head to me to be honest. I forced myself not to look at the man I was about to name, who sat with his parents in the front of the small crowd of people. “His name.. is Bryce Walker.” I sighed deeply to release my tension, looking out to see Clay and Monte giving looks of comfort and encouragement. “Felix, what sort of issues did he cause for you?”

 

     I looked directly at the woman speaking to me, finally starting to speak again. “He bullied me a lot. I’m very soft-spoken and shy, so I tended to and still tend to be an easy target for people. He took advantage of me being the new kid at school and of my personality to pick on me and do things to me that.. pushed me a little too far.”

 

     Finally came the question I had been dreading all fucking afternoon since the testimony started, and now nearly an hour in, they were finally asking me. “Felix, what exactly did he do to you that you’re referring to?” I sighed and just barely noticed Bryce out of the corner of my eyes, looking right past him and the woman in front of me to look directly into Monte’s eyes with fear and panic in my own. He returned my gaze with that of comfort and encouragement like before, and I sighed deeply before shifting my gaze to the woman who had presented the question to me. “Bryce Walker raped me.”

 

 _I had been hanging out with Jessica and Alex that day,_ _the three of us having met up at Eisenhower Park at the rocket slide._ _The warm breeze of the beginnings of Summer were tickling our faces too; Summer vacation was finally upon us. We three had become best friends ever since I started attending school at Liberty, and Clay was the one who introduced us to each other. We only had Clay alone to thank for how inseparable we were, because had he not introduced us to each other, we wouldn’t be here in this moment having the time of our lives. Well.. to an extent._

 

_I wasn’t too happy these days anymore. That’s what happens when you’re gay and the whole school finds out against your will, you know? You start getting called a faggot in the halls, and being slammed up against lockers, made to get hard in front of a hundred people in the halls, and then yelled at that I’m easy for how simple an act it took just to get there._

 

_But Alex and Jessica were my sense of comfort. Alex couldn’t do too much because of how weak he still was from his injuries that resulted from his suicide attempt, but Jessica was always there to help him every step of the way. We sat under the stars, talking about life and what we wanted to do with it for ourselves, what our goals and our dreams were. We talked about how passionate we were about certain things, and we spent endless hours counting the stars above us, as impossible as it was._

 

_Eventually, we all had to part ways and go home, and I decided to hang out at the park some more; I was enjoying the time alone now that I had it, and I was enjoying the warm breeze of Summer’s beginnings. Before I had time to even move away – I never even knew he was coming, or there at all – Bryce had shown up, and his arm was around my shoulders. I was panicked, of course – my bully was sitting here, arm around my shoulders with this look in his eyes like he just.. wanted something._

 

 _“Hey Felix. How’s it goin’, my man? Just was taking a drive out and saw you here all by yourself. Figured you could use a good friend to sit with you.” I had to force myself not to freak out, as I didn’t want him to think I was bothered by the whole thing, even though I was_ _**extremely** _ _bothered by the whole thing._ _I shook my head, looking into his eyes cautiously and noticing the absolute hunger in his own. “I just did have some, but they went home. I gotta go; my parents are gonna be mad if I don’t get home soon.”_

 

_I went to move out away from him, but his hand found my wrist and gripped it tightly, forcing me back down next to him. I panicked and looked back into his eyes while trying gently to get my wrist out of his hold, his hunger growing. “Where ya goin’, Felix? It’s just me and you out here. Come on, enjoy it a little.” I tried once more to leave, but this time I felt his hand on the back of my neck and my body suddenly extremely close to his own. Our faces were inches away from each others’ own and I stared up into his eyes now quite fearfully._

 

_“L-Listen Bryce, stop this. I won’t call the cops or tell anyone, I promise. Just let me go home.” What a mistake it had been to tell him that, because that was the one comment that spurred him on to do what I considered the unthinkable for anyone._

 

_His hands shoved me down against the plastic-like flooring underneath us both, one hand now on my hip and the other on my shoulder. He was able to hold me down rather easily, considering he was so muscular where I was rather scrawny, almost. “B-Bryce..! Stop.” I was given no relief to my pain, and he only decided to delve deeper while having the upper hand on me._

 

_His face got extremely close to my own again, mouth opening to let the smell of beer and weed coat my sense of smell. I nearly gagged, but he began to kiss me on the lips rather harshly and grind his hips against my own in the process. I struggled physically and audibly against his actions, body growing tight as I felt certain reactions happening that I cursed myself for being so prone to now. It was always so easy to get me hard, and here I was getting hard again. I started to cry in defeat, his face pulling away from mine to look me in the eyes again. “See, you keep telling me to stop.. but I think you’re body is really telling me something else. Don’t you?”_

 

_His mouth returned to my skin to bite my neck, giving me deep red marks that would eventually turn into hickies that I never ended up trying to hide, due to the rather unfortunate events that followed this one horrifying incident here in these panicked moments of my life. I whimpered and cried, trying to kick my feet at him to get me away. He never budged, but the second my left foot accidentally slammed against his crotch, he backed away in surprise and curled up a bit in reaction._

 

_I took this opportunity to get up and stumble off of the playground set, my feet taking me only a few feet before I felt Bryce’s unwelcome but familiar body shove me onto the bed of wood chips below, causing me to shed even more tears as I felt myself being defeated more and more with each action taken. He finally gripped the waistband of my pants, growling as he stared into my eyes. “You think that was funny? Then you’ll think this is hysterical.”_

 

_In one swift motion, he’d pulled my jeans and underwear down, and then followed were his own pants. He rolled me over to face the ground beneath us, pressing the head of his dick against my entrance before shoving himself inside. He pressed my face against the wood chips, which both hurt and muffled my cries of pain. I felt myself being forced open more and more to accept his dick inside of me, but it was the most unwanted acceptance I’ve ever had to face._

 

 _He rocked his hips back and forth almost like a fucking dog, and I felt myself growing further and further away from myself with every motion he made. I slowly stopped crying and struggling, and I eventually_ _was staring into space as if I was now out of my own body and watching it all from across the room. I felt his hips suddenly stop as he released inside of me, muffled grunts entering my ears but not registering as much of anything at all._

 

     “Now Felix, isn’t it true that you chose to attempt to take your own life after this?” I felt pinned almost, sheepishly nodding my head to her. “Yes ma’am.” “And isn’t it true that we, as humans, are able to control how we react to things?” I closed my eyes, feeling a small amount of tears collecting in them. “Yes ma’am.” “So why would you choose to react in such a way that, especially for the school in this trying time, would very much harm them?” “Why don’t you ask the person who did this to me? The people who did those awful things to me? But you won’t, because--” The judge slammed his hammer down on the podium, calling for order. The woman in front of me called to have the answer disregarded as it was being argumentative.

 

    “Felix, walk us through what happened after the rape in the park? Walk us through what you did afterward.”

 

_I didn’t recall whether or not he said anything specific at all, but he made some noises for a while and suddenly he was gone, and the second he was, it was as if my body and soul had reconnected. I felt my chest heave and body contract violently as I started to sob, left to lie in my own shame with my pants and underwear still pulled down with wood chips poking into my skin, but I didn’t care anymore._

 

 _I_ _looked around, desperately trying to find some reason or another as to why this happened, and what I was doing with myself. I picked myself up off of the ground eventually, not bothering to get the chips off of me and my feet sluggishly starting to walk my body in the direction of home._ _I got inside to realize everyone was already asleep, and I immediately made my way upstairs._

 

_I blindly scrambled through our storage room until I found what I was looking for – the gun my dad always kept stored away in here in case we ever needed it. I held it close to my side and searched for the bullets that were kept in the same bag, and went back to my room, staring out of the window and my phone in intervals of whatever amount of time it was. I don’t remember how long it took for me to, but I eventually shot the gun at my own head, but much like how Alex failed in doing so, the kick of the gun was too much for it, and it pierced the side of my head and went out of the other side._

 

_I don’t remember anything after that, up until two months ago when I woke up unable to move my own legs in a hospital, my parents by my side._

 

     I sobbed at the stand and wiped the tears from my eyes, looking back at Alex and the others before looking back at the lawyer for the Walkers and the school, sighing shakily and shaking my head a bit. “So you, as a human being, could have controlled your response to the situation. You could have ignored the actions of others and you could have chosen not to react in such carelessness, correct? That is what we agreed to earlier, so this is not an inaccurate statement to make. Isn’t that right, Felix?” I sobbed and sat there at the stand, still as ice and my eyes looking desperately to Alex for help, then to Monte and finally at Tony and Clay, then landing on Justin and finally back to Alex.

 

     “Isn’t that right, Felix? You could have chosen to respond differently, correct?” Alex slowly stood up with Clay trying to stop him, and he called out. “That’s enough. He can’t answer that, don’t you see that?” The judge called for order again, my body hunched over as I tried to stop crying. The woman finally backed down, nodding her head to the judge. “No further questions, your honor.”

 

     Dennis finally stood up to defend the Bakers, and ultimately me as well, looking into my eyes kindly. “Felix, tell the court why you can’t answer her question.” I sighed heavily to collect myself, reaching my hands up to wipe the tears away once more. Dennis then moved forward and handed me a box of tissues, and I silently thanked him while taking some. After wiping my face clean, I finally sighed and looked at him. My voice started off shaky, but eventually became steady and confident as I spoke more and more.

 

     “I can’t answer that because it’s not true. While yes, we can as humans control how we respond and react to certain things, there’s no way to truly know if that ability is any longer present once someone has been pushed too far. In my experiences and from what I’ve witnessed in others, it’s not. When he raped me, it pushed me to a mental state that I never thought I would be so low to reach. I couldn’t think clearly, I couldn’t tell myself that I shouldn’t do it. I couldn’t think to call Alex for help, or Clay or Jessica. I couldn’t make myself think logically for even a second, to make myself stop and think what this might do to not only my family, but friends as well. Yes, the school was in the middle of, and still is, the aftermath of the loss of Hannah Baker, and the coming up of this trial that was then still in the safe distance away, but I think I can say the following very safely without fear of being told I’m wrong. When someone is pushed so far that they don’t think clearly anymore, that they can’t make themselves stop and think of what they’re doing and how permanent it could be.. When someone is pushed so far that the end of their own life seems to be the only relief they can think of, I don’t think it’s their reaction that should be controlled. I think it’s the actions of those who pushed them that needs to be controlled.” I sighed deeply as I closed my eyes, thinking over everything I just poured out and feeling content with it, soon opening my eyes to look back up at Dennis. “That is why I couldn’t answer her question, sir.”

 

     Dennis seemed to have nothing else to say after this, and eventually called to have no further questions. The judge finally ended the testimony, and Clay came up to get me back into my wheelchair. He pushed me out to Matt, Lainie and the others, where Monte knelt down to hold me tightly as soon as he saw me. “I’m proud of you. You did so good up there.” When he pulled away I gave him a smile, nodding my head and closing my eyes. “I tried my best to defend Hannah.” Clay grabbed my attention and knelt down beside Monte, putting his hand on my knee for both reassurance and stability for himself. “I think you did. I think Olivia would be proud of you, and Andy if he were here too. I think you gave them both, and Hannah as well, the justice they deserve.”

 

     We all finally decided to take our leave from the courthouse at this point, heading back to Clay’s house. Without much conversation, all of us departed from Matt and Lainie’s company to go up to Clay’s room, Monte holding me up while Justin readied my wheelchair for me, and finally setting me down in it. I visibly hunched over and sighed deeply, closing my eyes. “Hey, you alright?” I looked over to Justin, nodding my head and leaning it over. “Yeah, I’m just worn out..”

 

     Tony was about to say something but was interrupted by a phone call, the name on his screen taking him by a bit of a surprise. “Hey there, Olivia. … Yes, actually, he is. … Oh, of course. Hold on just a moment, and I’ll ask him.” He pulled the phone away from his face, looking to me. “Olivia Baker wants to know if she can come speak with you. She’s about to leave the courthouse and will be heading past our way.” I nodded to him and sighed, watching him go back to the phone call. “He said he’d love to have you here. We’re all at Clay’s house. … Alright, we’ll see you soon. Bye.”

 

     He hung up and locked his phone, looking over to see Monte starting to get dressed in some of his clothes that Bill had brought for him when he brought suits and ties for he, Alex and Felix and I. I sighed and looked out of the window, feeling the tension in the room and that starting to exhaust me even further. “If you guys want to ask about it, it’s fine. And you guys can stay when Olivia comes to talk with me too. I don’t care about it.”

 

     Monte turned to me after he slipped on a plaid button up tee shirt over his white tank top, looking me in the eyes. “Well, obviously you do still care about it, Felix. We don’t need to point it out, but your reaction in court when talking about all of it kinda proves you wrong.” I sighed in defeat, nodding to him and looking away. “Yeah, I know. I mean, what I mean is that I don’t care if you guys ask about it. I already spilled it out in front of you guys in court today, so I guess talking about the extent of it wouldn’t be much worse at this point. I don’t mind if you guys wanna know more is what I meant.”

 

     Monte threw on some jeans and sat down on the futon, looking to me. “Well, I am curious.. You’re gay. So.. were you ever physically attracted to him, or.. was he just unappealing anyway?” I pursed my lips in a way that showed I was pondering over what to say, soon shrugging my shoulders. “I mean.. Yes and no? I mean, I thought he was kind of attractive, yeah.. but not enough to wanna do anything with him, had I not known about.. Jess and Hannah, y’know?” He nodded to me, looking down at the floor before hearing the doorbell downstairs a few minutes later.

 

     Clay opened the door to go downstairs when Lainie approached the room with Olivia, smiling. “Hey there, boys. Olivia shot us a phone call after she got off of the phone with Tony, and said she’d be stopping by to talk with all of you. I’ll leave you all to it.” Clay invited her in and shut the door behind her, allowing her the desk chair to sit in, abandoning it for a spot on the bed beside Justin and Alex. “Hello, Mrs. Baker. How are you today?”

 

     Olivia nodded to him, smiling a bit. “I’m doing okay. Felix, how are you after today, honey? Are you alright?” I nodded to her, shrugging my shoulders a bit. “Yeah, just a little exhausted is all.” She nodded her head, humming a bit. “I understand. It’s a lot to handle in that courtroom. I wanted to thank you for testifying today, Felix. That was a lot to have to talk about, and I’m happy you did.” I looked over to Clay, and then back to Olivia. “I just wanted to tell the truth, but say it all in a way that would just.. do right by Hannah.”

 

     Olivia shifted herself forward a bit to grab my hands, stroking my left hand with her finger before looking into my eyes. “Honey, you did wonderful by her. She would have been so happy to know you, Felix. You did so good today during your testimony. You said everything in a way that did good for _our_ side of the case, and we need that right now. For you, and every other person he’s hurt.” I nodded my head to her and gave her a smile, enjoying the warmth of touch of her hands. “I’m glad you think so, Mrs. Baker.”

 

     She smiled sweetly at me, getting up out of the chair to place a kiss on my forehead. “You’re such a sweet boy, Felix. I know you make all of your friends happy, especially Alex.” She knelt down in front of me, seeing the gaze in my eyes turn soft. “Honey, I know you’re going through a lot after your attempt, but you’re doing so well for yourself. I want you to know that. Tony talks about it all the time when he stops by the shop to help out or just lend an ear.” I looked over to Tony with a small smile, and then back to her with an even bigger one. “Thank you, Mrs. Baker. That means a lot to me.”

 

     She finally stood herself back up, picking her pocketbook up off of the desk and placing it over her shoulder. “Well, I’m sorry I didn’t stay for very long, but I have to head home. There’s a lot to do for tomorrow.” Clay stood up, shaking his head to her. “No, we understand. We were happy to have you stop by, Mrs. Baker. We’ll see you tomorrow for Alex’s testimony.” She gave her goodbyes, Clay walking her out and to the door. He soon returned to us, sitting back down on the bed and looking to me. “Are you going to be okay tomorrow? Alex has to say all of that stuff.. about when he and Monte were in the pool-house at the party.”

 

     I nodded to him, looking to him and then at Alex. “Look, I can’t say it doesn’t bother me because it’s kinda fucked up, but.. we all do fucked up shit in our lives, so I would be silly to hold that against you. I mean, yeah, it might bother me tomorrow to hear it all again, but at the same time I don’t think it’ll be as bad as we think. We all already know about that now; I think it’d be worse if we didn’t.”

 

     I excused myself to go to the guest room, wanting time to myself to think. I turned myself around and opened the door, wheeling myself out and closing it behind me without bothering to wait for anyone to stop me. I rolled on down the hallway and into the guest room, shutting and locking the door behind me.

 

     I can’t say it wasn’t.. a lie though. How couldn’t I hold that against him? He could have stopped it, and he and Monte both know it. We _all_ know it, and it’s fucked up. In this moment, stopping to really, truly think about everything, I don’t know how I feel about Alex as a person. He’s been so nice to me, but hearing all of these things about how he used to be when he was hanging out Bryce and his group really has me wondering if I know the real Alex, or just the Alex that was created after he forgot who he even was.

 

     I started to break down in tears while sitting in the chair, sobbing quietly to myself as I stared at the floor beneath me. Do I even know the real Alex at all? Who the fuck do I even know in his body, at this moment? He listened to Hannah be raped and didn’t even stop playing his games with Monte to go stop Bryce. For all I know, he could have been hiding behind a tree listening to Bryce rape me fucking months ago. I flung my hands out at the wall beside me, yelling out in shock when the momentum had my chair leaning over and causing me to fall out of it altogether. I lay on the floor sobbing and shaking, my chest and body heaving as I fought to even think straight, much less start breathing correctly.

 

     It didn’t take long before I heard knocking on the door, Tony calling out to me through the door. I used my hands to just barely pull myself close enough to unlock it, letting him come in and make eye contact with me sobbing on the floor. “Felix, what’s wrong?” I made him shut the door, looking up into his eyes helplessly before closing them in defeat and beginning to sob again while reaching my arms out for him to just fucking.. hold me.

 

     He sat down in front of me and wrapped his strong arms around me, letting me cling to him as tight as I wanted and needed to, sobbing into his shoulder as I whimpered and fell straight down the hole of emotions that had been trying to swallow me whole after the incident with Bryce at the park. When I finally managed to collect myself, I looked up into his eyes after having him sit me up against the wall across from him. “What if I don’t know the real Alex?”

 

     He looked at me, completely dumbfounded and an eyebrow cocked as he tried to make sense of what I just said to him. “I mean.. What if I don’t know who he really is? What if I only know the Alex that was created after he tried to kill himself, after he forgot who he even was? What if the Alex that he was back when he hung out with Bryce’s group is the real him, and I only met the Alex that was just right for me because he tried to kill himself?” Tony seemed to look in front of himself as if he were trying to find a way that I could be wrong, but he sighed and looked me in the eyes.

 

     “Well, Felix.. you might be right about that. And you’ll have to talk to the people who were around him before and after that to figure out whether or not he is who you know him as now.”

 

     I sighed, nodding my head to him and looking to my chair. “I’m ready to go back to them.” He stood up and picked me up, putting my chair back into position and setting me down in it. He then rolled me out of the room and back into Clay’s own, where I was greeted with Alex questioning why I looked so upset. I shook my head, dismissing it. “I’d rather not talk about it right now.” He let it go, nodding his head and kissing my forehead before stumbling back to his spot on the bed. “Okay. We won’t talk about it.”

 

     We all resigned to our own little things to do until dinner was ready, eating peacefully and Bill arriving to take Alex, Monte and I back home. I went to sleep sooner than the others, rather exhausted from the day I had gone through.

 

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Chapters will be updated quite frequently if all runs smoothly while writing them. They'll be significantly shorter due to the way I'm going about them, so hopefully it won't take too long to get them up, unlike with the fourth chapter. 

 

I hope you all enjoy what I put out! All of the feedback I've been receiving means a lot to me!


	7. Chapter Five

**Chapter Five**

 

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**Alex’s Point of View**

 

_Everyone thinks of changing the world, but nobody thinks of changing themselves._

 

     “Alex, we’d like to ask you – you hung out with Bryce Walker and his group of friends at one point, correct?” “Yes, I did.” “What made you stop?” I shrugged my shoulders, looking down at the podium and then back up at her. “I dunno. We just.. grew apart, I guess? It happens, you know?” She nodded her head to me, pacing a bit before stopping and looking back up at me. “You were also still friends with Bryce last Fall, were you not?” I sighed and nodded my head to her. “Yes, I was.”

 

     Then she asked me the question that was about to make me start questioning everything. “So being his friend, he invited you to the party Hannah Baker found herself at, correct?” “Yes ma’am, he did.” I dreaded every question, avoiding even looking back at Felix in fear of judgment from him. “Did you go to that party?” “Yes ma’am.” “Did you leave the party early, or were you there late?” “I was there late, ma’am.”

 

     She then got a bit closer to the podium, looking straight into my eyes. “Alex, where were you at the party during the alleged incident between Hannah and Bryce?” I closed my eyes and sighed, looking off to the side before looking back at her in utter shame. “I was in the pool-house with a friend.” “Who was this friend?” I shot Monte a look in the distance, and he nodded his head to me that I could speak his name. “His name is Montegomery de la Cruz.” “And did you both hear them outside?” I closed my eyes, starting to shake a bit in absolute shame. “Yes ma’am, we did.”

 

     She cornered me, asking any question she wanted to, but this next one stuck out more than the others. “Alex, if you both did indeed hear her outside, why didn’t either of you put a stop to it?” I looked up at her, a look of shameful certainty on my face. “Because Bryce Walker’s family has money. Going to the police on our own wouldn’t have done anything, because at that moment we didn’t have proof. She didn’t end up speaking up about the exact issue herself except for a tape, so we already know that she wouldn’t have backed up our statements if we did. We didn’t want to get hurt because we went against Bryce. He would have had his parents ruin us if we did. He’s doing it to us now; sending notes to our door that “WE KNOW”, putting bullets in Felix’s hands the day he goes back to school after a week of being out. The list goes on, ma’am. He and his family have so much money that they can do whatever they want; it doesn’t matter what we say, until we’re in court.” She nodded to me, going back to her seat. “No further questions, your honor.”

 

     Dennis looked up at me, trying to think before he would make a move. He didn’t appear to have anything to say at all, and simply let the judge dismiss the testimony for the day. It had lasted two hours, and it was finally over. We all gathered outside, Felix appearing rather distant towards me. “Hey Felix. How are you feeling? You seem tired.” He shrugged his shoulders and I simply just nodded to him, admittedly feeling rather hurt that he wouldn’t really talk to me. He hadn’t spoken to me all morning, and I was starting to wonder what was going on.

 

     In the back of my mind, all I could think about was how Sonia brought up how I used to hang out with Bryce, my eyebrows knitting above my eyes as I tried to figure out why I did it in the first place. Why I was at that party, and why I never tried to stop Bryce.

 

     I was finally snapped out of my thoughts by Clay, who was nearly yelling my name. “Alex.” I shook my head and looked over at him, shrugging my shoulders. “Sorry. What?” “We’re going home. Come on.” I nodded and followed behind them, getting myself into the back of the SUV beside Felix. I tried to grab his hand and he pulled his own away, and I looked at him in disbelief. “What the hell, Felix? What’s wrong with you? You haven’t spoken to me all day, and now this?”

 

     Tony put reached forward and put his hand on my shoulder, shaking his head. “Alex, now isn’t the time. You need to stop. Wait until we’re back at Clay’s house.” I sighed in defeat and looked out of the window beside me, going over both my own past and Felix’s behavior in my mind at once. We finally pulled up to his house, and I kept Felix outside while everyone else went in.

 

     I finally turned to Felix, looking him in the eyes and looking rather angry. “Felix, what the hell? You’ve been distant with me all day.” He didn’t answer me at first, but then finally looked up at me. “Alex, who even are you? Do you even know if you’re really who you say you are? Who have I been dating this whole time? An asshole who ignored the sound of a girl who was being raped outside because you thought she was a desperate whore?”

 

     I felt my mouth gape open and started to back up against the stair-rail, eyes softening and my body growing small. “Felix, I..” “I know about who you were then, and that isn’t you. That’s not who I love, Alex. I fell in love with the “you” after you shot yourself, after you forgot who you were.” I didn’t have anything to say, looking down at him and then closing my eyes in defeat. “Alex, I feel like until all of this passes over and you realize who you are, and maybe prove to me that who you were then wasn’t real, we need to go our separate ways. I’ll stay here with Clay and Justin, and Monte will go with you tonight.”

 

     I opened my eyes in a panic and looked at him, a tear rolling down my cheek. “F-Felix.. You can’t be serious. I was depressed, I shot myself in the head, and I lost some of my memory.” “Yeah, Alex, you did. But when you did that, you left behind a really shitty person that you could still be all over again. And until you figure out who you really are, I don’t want to be a part of that.” I stood across from him, frozen in absolute shock. He seemed to have texted someone because Tony came out to carry him inside with Monte.

 

     I sat on the step of the front porch, asking Monte to go get Justin for me. When he eventually arrived outside, I looked up at him with eyes overflowing with tears and body taut like a rubber band. “Alex, what’s..” “He broke up with me.” “Wait.. what?” I sighed shakily and closed my eyes, feeling tears roll down my cheeks. “He broke up with me because of who I was before I shot myself, because of shitty that person I used to be was. And he told me that until I figured out who I really was, he didn’t want to be a part of that.”

 

     I felt Justin’s arms wrap around my body, holding me close as I cried against him, closing my eyes tightly and sobbing lightly. “Alex, it’ll be okay. I’ll be here for you to help you, no matter what.” After I had calmed down, I looked at him after pulling away before pulling out my phone and texting dad to come pick me up. “Tell Monte to stay here until his testimony is over in a couple of days. I’m gonna stay home by myself for a while; I don’t want any of them around for a while. If you wanna stop by, you can.” He nodded to me, and then watched as dad pulled up a little while later to take me home.

 

     The car ride from there was filled in silence, but he stopped me when we got to the kitchen back home. “Son, what’s wrong? You don’t look so happy today. Was court rough on ya?” I shook my head, looking up at him before feeling tears fill my eyes again. “Felix broke up with me. He told me that after hearing yesterday about who I really was before I.. shot myself, he didn’t like that person. He said that until I figure out who I really am, he doesn’t want to be a part of that.”

 

     My voice broke and cracked with every sentence, until the very end where I was fully crying. Dad pulled me into a tight hug, holding my close and rubbing the back of my head. “Alex, bud, it’ll be okay. I’ll be right here for ya if you need to talk to me about any of it, okay?” I nodded to him, pulling myself away from him and wiping my eyes clear. “I told Justin to tell Monte to stay with Clay until his testimony is over. I just.. don’t want them around for a while until I feel better, and can figure everything out..” Dad nodded his head to me, leaving me alone to go up to my room for the time being.

 

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     I feel the need to point out that some of these testimony chapters may be short, or they might not. Alex’s happens to be short because only one thing to detail on happened, and other than that, the show already details on the information of which I bring up here, such as the flashback to when he and Monte heard Hannah outside. There’s not much else that I could detail on for him, so his chapter was rather on the short side. Don’t worry. To make up for all of this, Monte’s chapter for his testimony will more than likely be rather lengthy.

 

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	8. Chapter Six

**Chapter Six**

 

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**Tony’s Point of View**

 

_Nothing can dim the light which shines from within._

 

     “Mr. Padilla, we’d like you to tell us about your friendship with Hannah Baker.”

 

     “Of course. She and I were best friends. I could tell you what her favorite color was or the types of books she liked to read, but I wouldn’t dare tell you what secrets she had as those were the things she treasured most; what she asked me to protect. I was loyal to her, and I always tried my best to do good by her when she needed me to, and even when she didn’t. She helped cover for me with things I’d done wrong, and at the same time she helped me find guys when I had a hard time doing so myself. She helped me ask them out. She and I were close, and I miss her every single day.”

 

     “Tony, you were the one who held the second set of tapes for her, is that correct?” I nodded my head to Sonia, looking her in the eyes. “Yes ma’am, I was.” “Why were you the one with those tapes, Tony?” I sighed, looking at the my hands on the podium before looking back into her eyes. “Ma’am, I only the had tapes because she brought them to my house the day she took her life.”

 

     “So because you had them, is it safe to assume you knew she was taking her own life?” “No. The note she left me with those tapes told me to make sure everyone on that list received them, in order. She didn’t say why, she just made sure to relay the message that I should make sure they heard them.” I sighed, looking out at Clay and giving him a comforting look – I knew it was hard for him to hear me talk about this, but I also knew that he knew he could leave if need be.

 

     “Tony, it was brought to our attention that you were home the day she walked to your house to deliver those tapes to you. Why didn’t you go out and talk to her? Didn’t you know she was going to take her own life?” “No ma’am. I simply was working on some things at home at the time. I realized she was there when she was walking away, and I went and grabbed the box of tapes.” “Tony, we’d like you to walk us through what happened that day for you after you received those tapes.”

 

     I nodded my head, sighing softly to collect myself before telling them exactly what had happened that day.

 

_I had been working on my car that day in the garage, so I hadn’t noticed she was there until I looked up to grab a tool and saw her walking away. I went outside to go after her, only to realize that a package was waiting by the front door, and she was already too far away down the road. So I ran to the door, I grabbed the box, and I went inside to my room._

 

_I took my pocketknife, sliced open the packaging on the outside, and tore it off to reveal a shoe-box filled with tapes – thirteen stories on a set of seven tapes. I started listening to the first one, and when I got far enough into them, I tried to call her house. Twenty, thirty minutes pass, and I rushed over to her house. There was already an ambulance there, and cops. I tried to get in, but they wouldn’t let me through. They already had her in a body bag, and there weren’t any handles on it. I kept thinking to myself, “How are they gonna put that in the back of the ambulance?”, and they just grabbed the bag.. and tossed it in like a sack of potatoes. It made me sick._

 

     I sighed and looked up at Sonia, reaching up to dry a tear that was forming in my left eye. “Excuse me, ma’am. I apologize. It’s still.. a pretty fresh memory.” She nodded in understanding, looking me in the eyes. “Tony, we heard from a trusted source that you were seen just a couple of days before her attempt giving her a tape recorder with a microphone. You’re telling me you didn’t know what she was going to do?” I almost gave her a look of disbelief, but nodded my head to her. “Yes ma’am. She never told me what she planned to do with that recorder. She simply asked me if should could borrow it for a personal project, and I lent it to her. She never made me aware of any problems she was having that would tip me off to her wanting to take her own life, ma’am.”

 

     She nodded to me, looking to the judge before taking a seat. “No further questions, your honor.” Dennis stood up and looked at me, right into my eyes, with sincerity. “Tony, you mentioned that you two were close. Did she ever tell you that she was depressed?” “No sir. She never used that word, but she did tell me about some problems in the beginning. With Justin Foley, Ryan Shaver.. but nothing about being depressed, sir. Any time she mentioned a problem she was having, I helped her solve it and get through it. I made myself available to her and she took me up on that until.. a few months before her attempt, sir.”

 

     He nodded to me, pondering for a moment before finally landing on an important question. “You weren’t seen at her burial, Mr. Padilla. Could you tell us why?” I nodded to him, sighing and collecting myself before looking up at him. “I wasn’t ready to face her family, or her body. I wasn’t ready to see her again, so I stayed home and paid my respects from the privacy of my home. I wanted to wait until I was with a trusted friend to see her grave.. and I picked up Clay at the cemetery when he took Courtney Crimsen there, sir.”

 

     Dennis nodded to me, finally taking his seat and relaying to the judge that he had no further questions either. With that, they called my testimony to a close, and I stood up from my seat at the podium and watched everyone walk out. I made my way outside and waved my hand to them in the hall, continuing on to the men’s bathroom and going inside. I heard the door close again after I’d come in, looking back to see Clay standing behind me. “Tony, are you okay?”

 

     I sighed deeply and nodded, closing my eyes and letting my head nod downward. “Yeah, I’m fine. I just.. god, it feels so fucking tense up there, Clay. It won’t be easy up there, Clay.” I looked up into his eyes as I said this, making sure he understood the gravity of it all. “They’re gonna make a monster out of you up there, Clay. Don’t do it.” He gave me this floored look and halfway scowled at me, shaking his head slowly. “Don’t do it? Tony, if I don’t, what happens? Olivia needs me to testify for them, for.. fuck, Tony, for Hannah!”

 

     I sighed and nodded to him, shaking my head and stepping back against the counter for the sinks. “I know, I’m sorry. It’s just so stressful up there, Clay. Just be honest. Let everything out up there, Clay. Tell them everything, please. Don’t have any regrets, for me.” He cocked an eyebrow but nodded to me, turning back to face the door. “Well, I’m going back out to the others. I just wanted to make sure you were okay because you looked pretty off when you came out. We’ll be in the hall when you’re ready to go.”

 

     I let him walk out, spending a few more minutes in the bathroom to stare at myself in the mirror. I washed my face before I left, finally walking out to meet back up with them. “Alright, I’m ready to go, guys.” When I finally looked up, Jessica was frenetically dancing around from foot to foot while talking with Clay, Zach standing next to her with her lips moving a million miles a minute. I sped up to meet them there, looking at her. “Jessica, what’s wrong?”

 

     She looked at me, pulling out her phone with a shaky hand. Before she had a chance to do anything else beyond unlocking it, Zach took it from her and went into her messages app, pulling up one from Bryce that said “ _You think that was funny? Then you’ll think this is hysterical.”._ I felt my eyes widen before recalling Felix telling about the rape incident between he and Bryce, and I looked at Felix who nodded his head to me. “He said that to me when he raped me at Eisenhower Park.”

 

     Jessica sighed and looked back to me, shaking her hand and still dancing around from foot to foot. “He sent it to me, Alex.. and Felix, I’m not gonna be surprised if he sent it to you too.” Before I had a chance to say anything, I looked into the distance to see Bryce walking down the hallway by himself, his parents walking out of the front doors of the courthouse and nobody else around us. I clenched my teeth together and stepping away from our group to approach him. I saw Clay try to approach me out from my peripheral vision, but I paid him no mind before walking up to Bryce.

 

    I clenched my hands into fists while staring into his eyes, scowling at him. “You think this is fucking funny?!” I slammed my fists into his jaw, causing a few bleeding wounds before Clay ran up to me and grabbed me. “Tony! Stop!” I saw Bryce pulling out his phone, and I felt Clay pulling at me. I snatched myself away from him and swung at Bryce a couple more times, dodging anything he tried to send my way. Once Bryce was lying on the floor of the courthouse hallway, I looked around to make sure nobody else was there before pulling them to run out of the side doors that were also available as exits to handicapped folk. Jessica was running behind us carrying Felix’s wheelchair while Monte was running with him on his back, and we finally got to the SUV parked out front and piled in.

 

     Jessica went to her own car after leaving the chair with us and telling Clay she’d meet us at his place, and we all sped away to said home. I looked at Lainie as soon as we got inside of the house, finding her in the kitchen with Matt. “Lainie, Bryce did some shit, and I can’t talk about it right now, but I punched the shit out of him and he was left on the court hallway. Look, if anybody comes looking for us, we’re not here, okay?” She was hesitant but nodded to me, telling us to go on upstairs and that she would cover for us if what I said became the case.

 

     We all ended up in Clay’s room, Jessica following suit after she arrived just a few moments later. She made sure to lock the door behind her, Clay moving to close the window and the blinds to make sure nobody could see inside either. “Tony, what the hell were you thinking?!” I closed my eyes before looking at Clay, giving him the classic answer I once told him back when he was listening to the tapes. “Clay, I’m making justice the only way I can; I’m doing it myself.”

 

     He shook his head before Jessica started talking to Felix, which immediately took our attention as it was something we as a collective whole had been curious about since the afternoon before. “Felix, where’s Alex? You’re always attached at the hip with him.” Felix looked up at her, shrugging his shoulders.

 

     “He said he was gonna be at home with his dad until he and I got things sorted out. I broke up with him last night because after hearing about the fact that.. he was pretty shitty as a person when Clay had the tapes, and there were some things he and Monte had done that weren’t okay at all, I wasn’t sure if I really knew who he was or just knew the creation of Alex from after he shot himself. I knew that with who he was back then, if he forgot who he even really was, it’s possible that he could become that person again. I told him that I didn’t want to be a part of that, and that we needed to go our separate ways until he figured out who he as a person was.” “Well, we’ll be here for you if you need us, Felix.”

 

     We all went our separate ways after a while, Bill arriving shortly to escort Jess to her house for the night. She had told us she would be at court the next following days for Clay, Justin and then Monte. The other students had been testifying after us on some of the previous days, and Monte would be the only one schedule to go on his day, seeing as he was the last one.

 

     For now, we all needed rest, which was highly sought after at this point. Justin took his place on the futon instead of in bed with Clay, leaving Felix to sleep in bed with Clay while I slept in the guest bed with Monte.

 

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	9. Apology

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I would highly advise all of you go back and read through the chapter entitled "Chapter Five". I somehow forgot to post it, and it was a crucial part to something I had mentioned in Tony's chapter. The chapter I have just posted is Alex's chapter, and it is placed between Felix's and Tony's chapters. I apologize immensely for the slip-up, everyone.

 

Once again, thanks to all of you for the continued support on my work. It means a lot to me and I get so excited and happy when I see a new comment, kudos or bookmark left on this story. I've wanted to pursue writing as it's one of my biggest passions, and I'm finally being able to do that in a place where people love what I do. I hope you all stick around for when this story finally ends. I think the end will be super amazing, and you all will be highly pleased with it. 

 

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	10. Chapter Seven

**Chapter Seven**

 

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**Clay’s Point of View**

 

_Love lies in those unsent drafts in your mailbox. Sometimes you wonder whether things would have been different if you’d clicked “send”._

 

     I stood in my room with Justin by my side, my arms moving for the dress coat that would go over my shirt and tie, looking at my reflection in the mirror on the wall as I made sure my hair was perfect. I then turned to Justin, looking into his eyes and sighing. “What if I say the wrong thing up there? What if I blow it for the Bakers up on that podium?”

 

     Justin put his hands on my shoulders, rubbing them before moving forward to kiss my forehead. “Look, you’re gonna do just fine. Just tell them the truth about how you felt about her.” I looked at him and then at his feet, seeming hesitant about coming to an agreement to his statement. “You’re scared of what I’ll think, aren’t you?” I then looked up at him, sighing and nodding my head. “I don’t want to make you jealous or upset with me.” He smiled at me, slowly moving in to kiss me on the lips. “Clay Jensen, the last thing I’m worried about today is what you’ll say in there. It’s nothing I don’t already know about, so go for it. Be honest, and tell them how you felt.”

 

     I nodded my head slowly, sighing deeply and turning back to look at my reflection one last time before putting my hand on the door-knob. I opened it and went downstairs with Justin, meeting everyone in the kitchen to head off to the courthouse. I looked mom and dad in the eyes, Lainie moving forward to hug me. “You look great Clay. You’ll do great up there.” I didn’t move out of the hug for another half minute, taking in her motherly warmth and comfort for as long as I could before I pulled myself away from her. “Thanks mom. Let’s go guys; I’m ready.”

 

     We all ushered ourselves out, where I told mom and dad to go in the SUV with the others, and that I would drive myself to the courthouse as I wanted some time by myself to think beforehand. They agreed to it and went on their way, where I went on mine. I eventually reached my destination and went inside, being caught by Bill at the entrance to the courtroom. “Clay, don’t worry about Bryce. We’ve been in contact with your mom and we have you all covered for yesterday. Just go about business as normal, okay?” I nodded to him, standing at the door and straightening my tie before he put his hand on my shoulder. “You look great, kid. You’re gonna do just fine up there.”

 

     I smiled at him before sighing deeply, opening the door and the judge calling for the testimony to begin as I sat at the podium at the front. Sonia stood up after things were said and done, looking me in the eyes. “Clay, how did you come to know Hannah Baker?” “I met her at my new job, at the Crestmont. She had been working there just a bit longer, and ended up training me.” She paced a bit, thinking on the next question before stopping and looking back to me. “Did you two ever become closer than friends? Would you have ever said she was your girlfriend?” “Yes and no. She and I were really good friends, but we never got close enough to where we were in a relationship.”

 

     Sonia nodded and then looked the podium up and down, starting to pace again while looking at me from the side. “Did you two ever spend the night together? From evening, night, into the next morning?” I sighed, closing my eyes and looking at Olivia in shame before turning my gaze back to meet Sonia’s own. “Yes ma’am.” “Did you two ever partake in drugs together?” My stomach twisted, and I shot Alex a look of slight panic before he nodded to me to give me encouragement. “Yes.” “And isn’t it true that she made a comment about wanting to die after taking said drugs?” “Yes ma’am.” “And you didn’t think it was necessary to.. alert someone?” “No. We did molly, and my best friend simply told me that it was just the side effects of coming off of the high. We didn’t think it was that serious, ma’am.”

 

     I felt tears starting to collect in my eyes, my hands moving up to wipe them away as I stared at Sonia. “No further questions, your honor.” Dennis didn’t have any questions for me, and soon the testimony was over. I made my way out of the room, Tony finding me as soon as I came out. “Hey, you alright?” I nodded to him, telling him to catch up with me at home – I wanted time alone, even for just a small bit of time. I went out and sped-walked to mom’s car, starting to drive and feeling tears collecting into my eyes again. As soon as I was home, I ran upstairs to my room and closed the door, moving to the bed and curling up against it on the floor.

 

     I started crying and sobbing, placing my arms on my knees and putting my forehead against them, which started to muffle the sound of my cries just a tiny bit. My body heaved and shook with every single sob, and I turned my head to look onto my desk at a picture I’d framed of Hannah and I from one of our Summer days at the Crestmont. I felt the tears overflow in my eyes and immediately felt them falling down my face, and I turned my head back down and sobbed again.

 

     Without even realizing anybody even arrived, at some point during my breakdown I felt hands on my shoulders. I lifted my head to look at Tony and Justin, tears dripping from my cheeks as I struggled to say anything. “Clay, what’s wrong? You were fine after the testimony, what happened?” Justin told someone to get out, and I heard shuffling of feet and then the door shutting. I felt my body jerk as I hicupped, my bottom lip quivering as I struggled to form a single word to say. “I- Fuck, I-” I sobbed heavily, trying to curl my body up even tighter than it already was. “I fucking miss her, fuck. She said, all of us there heard it, and fucking christ, I did nothing! Fuck!!”

 

     Tony squeezed my shoulders and tried to pull me closer to him, and when I felt it I resisted immediately. “Let go of me, Tony!!” He immediately let go of me, holding his hands up and Justin moving to the door. “Okay, I let go. I won’t touch you.” I kept sobbing and crying out loudly, finally standing up and grabbing various things from the bed, be them pillows, blankets or whatever, and started throwing them without caring where they went. When I had nothing left, I felt myself collapse to the floor while sobbing and crying hysterically.

 

     I had no further energy to resist Tony, so when he grabbed me I merely curled up in his arms and cried into his shoulder. I felt his strong arms tighten the hold around me, and he whispered quiet nothings into my ear, but I couldn’t make out what any of them were. After a while, I managed to calm down in his arms with Justin rubbing my head from the side, sitting beside me and holding one of my hands with his free hand.

 

     “Clay, I’m gonna go get you some water and one of your antidepressants, okay?” I silently nodded to Justin, moving to rest my head in the nook between Tony’s neck and shoulder, looking at his shirt from where I was. He finally sat me down away from him, looking into my eyes. “What happened?” I sighed and looked to the window, seeming deep in thought before responding to him. “I don’t know, I just.. As soon as I walked out of that room, everything was weighing down on me. I didn’t want you all to worry, so I just came on home and as soon as I got in here, I broke down.”

 

     Tony sighed and rubbed my head, shaking his head. “Clay, you have to get over this.. mentality that you can handle it all on your own. Bryce, the tapes, the kidnapping.. You have to stop and think that maybe you need help sometimes. Right now is one of those times.” I nodded to him, feeling the tension in my shoulders finally start to go away as they hunched over a bit.

 

     Just about then, Justin returned to the room with a pill in one hand and a glass of water in the other. He handed them both to me, and I took the pill and put it in my mouth and swallowed it back with some of the water, turning to him after setting the glass down over on the desk. “Thanks guys.” I guess they noticed how tired I looked, because Justin was moving to make my bed back up for me. When he was done, he lay down and held his arms open for me to join him. I laid down with him, telling Tony that I would come downstairs to the others when I felt better. With that, he left the room and let Justin and I be alone together.

 

     I rolled over to have my head rest against Justin’s chest, listening to his calm heartbeat against my ear. “Are you feeling any better, Clay?” I nodded, looking up at him as I felt his fingers on my chin. He pulled me into a gentle kiss, smiling as he pulled away. “Clay, I love you. You can always talk to me, okay?” I nodded to him, putting my head back to his chest and closing my eyes. I don’t know when, but I felt myself drift off to sleep for a while, thinking of nothing but Justin’s warmth.

 

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Hello everyone! I finished up Clay's chapter today and decided to go ahead and post it on up before I went to sleep tonight. Up next is Justin and then finally Monte, and I think you all will really enjoy it. 

 

Once again, as if I haven't been saying it enough yet, thanks again to all of you for following my story and giving me so much feedback on it. It means the world to me as writing is one of my biggest passions, and this website is giving me an outlet of which I can share what I have with the world. I enjoy it more and more every time I check this story to see a new bookmark, or a new comment or kudos. 

 

Love all of you so, so much. 

 

-Cay-

 

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	11. Chapter Eight

**Chapter Eight**

 

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**Justin’s Point of View**

 

_I avoid looking forward or backward, and try to keep looking upward._

 

     “Justin, tell us about how you met Bryce Walker.” I sighed and looked down at the podium, then up into Sonia’s eyes. “I met Bryce when we were kids. I didn’t come from a good family, and kids often picked on me for not having the same things they did. One day I didn’t have any lunch left, because I was so hungry that I’d eaten it earlier that day. Bryce came up to me, and he offered me his. I turned it down at first, but then he took some other kid’s Twinkies and kept them for himself and gave me the sandwich anyway. We were best friends from that moment on.”

 

     “Justin, you often spent a lot of time at Bryce’s house, correct?” I nodded my head to her. “Yes ma’am.” “You went to a lot of parties there, didn’t you?” “Yes ma’am, I did.” “Justin, we were told in a deposition that you were at the party of a certain person who claimed to have been sexually assaulted at that party by Bryce. That you were also at that party. Is this true, Justin?” I nodded my head with a few seconds of silence, looking into her eyes. “Yes ma’am, it is.”

 

     Sonia then sharpened her gaze at me, nodding her head and pacing around to give herself something to do. “This individual was your girlfriend, correct?” My bottom lip quivered and I closed my eyes, unable to look at her as I could distinctly tell where the questions were headed. “Yes, she was at the time.” “How did she end up in that room and you not with her?” “We went up to her room to have sex, and we were both pretty drunk. She was too drunk to tell me anything, so I laid her down on her bed to let her sleep instead – I wasn’t about to take advantage of her like that.”

 

     Sonia nodded, then proceeded with the next question that would have me outing Jessica, who sat in between Zach and Clay. I shot her a look and received a nod in response, that she’d be okay. “Justin, why is it that you didn’t stop this alleged assault?”

 

     “When I walked out of the bedroom, Bryce approached me and asked who was in the room. I told him Jessica was really drunk and lying in bed, and he tried to go in. I stopped him, but he being of bigger size than me physically, he was able to shove me back and get inside anyway. I was hesitant to go back in because at first I was scared of what he would do to me, being from such a wealthy family and having the power he did, but I finally opened the door and tried to get him off of her. When I walked in the room, his.. penis was out of his pants, and he was also hard, and her underwear was down. He immediately pushed me back out of the room, and he locked the door behind him.” Having to go back through the memory made my stomach turn and my heart drop, but I managed to keep myself composed for the sake of continuing the testimony.

 

     The rest of the testimony carried on without any issues, and once it was over I made my way over to my friends out in the hallway. Zach turned to me, looking at me with a smile. “Hey, you did great up there. I think you nailed it.” I nodded to him, Clay noticing the distraught emotion in my eyes. “Hey, are you okay?” I nodded my head, shaking it for a second to shake off the tension. “Yeah, I’m fine. It was just really hard to.. revisit all of that for them.” Clay nodded his head to me, rubbing my shoulder. “I know. It was hard for the rest of us too.”

 

     I finally turned and walked up to Jessica, pulling her off to the side to talk to her one on one. “Hey, are you okay?” She nodded, taking a breath before smiling. “Yeah, I’m fine. I don’t mind if anybody else takes that to their testimony. I’m just not ready to by myself yet. Talking to friends is one thing, but talking about it in front of strangers who could be either for the Walkers or not is something else, and I’m not ready for that.” I sighed deeply and closed my eyes, dreading what I was about to say to her. “Jess, you have to testify against him again. You have to tell them. It’s not going good right now, and out of the rest of us, Monte’s the only one left. If he doesn’t turn it around, you have to.”

 

     She gave me a floored look as if I were insane, and I looked away from her to Monte, who was off talking to Clay and Zach while holding the handle of Felix’s wheelchair. “Jess, they won’t take that one assault seriously if you don’t tell them yourself. Monte’s a fucking guy; they’re likely to think they were just experimenting with each other and not believe him when he says it was an assault.”

 

     She seemed to think on it for a minute, her eyes scanning the floor in front of her for some sort of answer from within her. “Jess, no matter what, you have to know more than anything that all of us here will be here with you if you decide to do it. I can’t make you do it and neither can any of them, but it’ll help everything for the Bakers if you do. And we’ll be here no matter what you decide to do.” She finally looked up at me, tears in her eyes but not those of sadness. “I’ll do it. I need to testify against him again.” I smiled at her, putting my arms around her in relief. “You’ll be so strong up there. I know you’ll do the Bakers justice.”

 

     When I pulled away from her, I went back to Clay with her and looked at him. “We gotta talk to Alex’s dad as soon as possible. Nothing’s wrong, but we have someone else who wants to testify.” Clay seemed to be confused but Jess caught the attention of Zach, Monte and Felix when she spoke up. “It’s me. I have to. They’re just gonna think Monte and Bryce were just fucking around with each other for fun because who the fuck takes male sexual assault seriously? And if I don’t talk about my sexual assault myself, they’ll never take it seriously.”

 

     Zach gave her a surprised look but then smiled at her, hugging her tightly. “I’m really glad you’re doing this Jess.” He then looked into her eyes, giving her a heartfelt look. “Hannah would be proud of you.” She smiled and looked to Clay beside her. “I think I’m gonna go stalk Alex at his house.” I immediately put my hand out to her, stopping her from moving. “I wouldn’t. He said he just wanted to be alone for a little while until he felt better.” “Oh, okay. I’ll just be sure to text him later.”

 

     With that, we all piled into cars and headed back to Clay’s house once again, and kept everything we were planning on the down-low. When we got back to the house, I stayed in the living room to call Bill, to get him to work Jess into the last position of testimonies against Bryce. He told me that it would be difficult, but working with Lainie he would be able to get her worked in. I relayed the information to everyone else upstairs, and everything ended rather well for the day, all things considered.

 

     I fell asleep that night with a full stomach and a clear head, arms wrapped around Clay’s waist as we fell asleep. I was woken up in the middle of the night with my phone beeping from a text, and I grumbled and rolled over to blindly grab for it. I unlocked it very sleepily and checked the text, my eyes immediately wide open when I realized who it was from. _“_ _Listen you little shit. I know you stole my money before you left. You either hand it back over or I’ll take it back. If you don’t have it, I’ll beat your fucking skull in until you’re on the ground dead. I know where you’re sleeping at night.”_

 

     I took a shaky breath and stared at my phone in disbelief, mouth gaped open, palms beginning to sweat and body starting to tremble in fear. I rolled over and started shaking Clay to wake him up, hoping he wouldn’t be mad at me for doing so. “Justin, what do you want? It’s fucking two in the morning..” I showed him my phone and the text from Seth, my body shaking in front of his own as I began to curl up and try to hide.

 

     He locked my phone and looked into my eyes, forcing me to do the same. “Justin, we have to call Bill and tell him about this, right now.” His voice was a whisper but I understood his words all the same, soon closing my eyes and listening to him unlock his own phone. “Justin, I’m calling him and telling him what’s going on.” I heard grumbles coming from scattered areas of the room, Tony making a small comment for us to shut the fuck up, but I ignored him and made Clay hand me his phone.

 

     I found Bill’s number inside, hitting the “call” function on the screen and holding it up to my ear. It took a few rings but he finally picked up, sounding groggy as all hell. “I need help, sir. … No sir. Seth is my step-dad, and he sent me a text a few minutes ago. He said he knows I stole his money, and that he knows where I’ve been staying. He told me I either give him the money back or he’ll take it from me, and if I don’t have it, he’ll beat my skull in until I’m dead. … Sir, help me, please. I’m scared..” My voice started to break, and I saw Tony face me out of my peripheral vision with worry written all over his face.

 

     “… Okay. … Yes sir, I understand. Thank you so much for the help. Also, I’m so sorry for waking you up this late. I didn’t feel like this could wait. … Thank you for understanding, sir. I’ll let you go back to sleep now. Good night.” I sighed and closed my eyes, lying back down and letting Clay take his phone back. “Well?” “He says he’ll be able to help. He’s gonna have a protection order put into place for me so that he can’t hurt me.”

 

     Clay smiled at me and then kissed my lips, running his fingers through my hair and lying back down beside me. “Let’s go back to sleep now, okay?” I nodded my head and put my head against his chest, closing my eyes and slowly drifting back off to sleep again, thinking of Clay the entire time to keep from thinking of anything else.

 

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Hey all! Back again with Justin's chapter. It turned out a bit shorter than I thought it would, but I decided to add in that little shocker with Jessica to add some.. well, shock, and length to the chapter. This will be expanded upon after Monte's chapter, and it will be very much similar to what happened in the show. The issue with Seth will also be expanded upon after Jessica's chapter, after the testimonies are over. I won't say much more about what's to come with that for now. 

 

Also, expect Monte's chapter to have quite a bit of length to it, a little more or a little less than Felix's own, or it might have much more to it. I'm unsure of how short or long the chapters will be when I write them, so as with everything else, it could go either way. Regardless of how short or long the chapter ends up being, the content within it will very much be worth it. 

 

As I've been saying, thanks again for the continued support for my story. I'm so happy everyone's been enjoying it, and I can't wait to let you guys see what else is in store for this story in the future. 

 

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	12. Chapter Nine

**Chapter Nine**

 

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**Monte’s Point of View**

 

_The dead cannot cry out for justice. It is the duty of the living to do so for them._

 

     I finished washing my face in the bathroom and went back to Clay’s room to grab my dress pants, shirt and tie from the closet. He’d kicked out everyone else from the room except for Justin, Felix, Tony and myself, so it was now just the four of us inside. I stripped out of the clothes I’d slept in, putting the dress clothes on in their place. I started putting my tie on while looking at Justin, who was watching me closely as if something was wrong with me. “What? Did I put something on wrong?”

 

     He shook his head, looking away from me for just a few seconds before looking back at me. “No, you look fine. I’m just wondering if you’re.. doing okay. You know they’re gonna make you revisit what he did to you, don’t you?” I nodded my head and turned away from him to look at my reflection, watching myself tie the fabric around my neck correctly before placing it under the collar of the white dress shirt I’d put on. “Yeah, I know. I’m just trying not to think about it until then. If I do, then I’m gonna be a fucking mess before we even get there.”

 

     Justin gave an agreement before Clay turned me to look at him, putting his hands on my shoulders. “Hey, just tell them the truth. If you don’t, you’ll regret a lot of shit afterward, okay?” I nodded to him, turning away to check the time on my phone. I cursed, noticing that we had just enough to get there and get in with just a few minutes to spare, so I went to the door and opened it to go downstairs. “Let’s go. We don’t have much longer before the testimony will start.”

 

     I got into Lainie’s car with Clay, Tony and Justin, Felix going in the SUV with Zach, Jessica, Matt and Lainie. I spent the entire drive there practicing some deep breathing to keep myself calm, Tony sitting beside me in the backseat and keeping a hand on my shoulder. When we parked the car at the courthouse, I looked over at him as if in search of some non-physical comfort. He nodded to me while looking into my eyes, squeezing my shoulder. “Hey, it’ll be okay. Tell them the truth about everything. Go over every god damn detail, okay? Don’t let them have any doubts that it was a sexual assault.” I nodded my head to him, unbuckling my seat-belt and getting out of the car.

 

     I wasted no time in getting into the courthouse and then the courtroom, going up to the podium when I was asked to. Sonia stood up from the desk she was at to sit against the front of it, looking dead into my eyes. I never knew how.. stern she looked until now, and it was almost scary. “Montegomery, tell us how you met Bryce Walker.”

 

     I sighed, having to revisit the first awful memory of recent years. “I met Bryce in freshman year at Liberty High. I was on the baseball team, and so was he. He and I initially only saw each other at practice, but then when the second semester started we had a couple of classes together. I wasn’t so great with my grades, he was.. so he helped me out. After I’d been over to his house a couple of times, he asked me why he never was able to go to mine. The reason was because my dad wasn’t too keen on others being over there, and that started after my mother passed just before I started school at Liberty. When he heard about that, he started hanging out with me more often, making sure I was okay.”

 

     Sonia nodded, looking to her folder before putting her gaze back onto me. “Were you both close?” “Yes, actually. We became best friends over the time we spent getting to know each other, and just over how much time we spent together.” “What did you both do together when you were hanging out?” I swallowed the saliva in my mouth, placing my hands on the podium and lacing my own fingers together. “We would talk about girls we thought were attractive, we would work on my grades. Sometimes we would play ball together at his house for some extra practice.”

 

     She nodded again, a soft smile curling her lips upward a tiny bit. “Did he ever brag to you about specific girls he liked?” I nodded my head to her, looking over to see Bryce, a few small scars on his face from where Tony had punched him senseless a couple of days ago, soon averting my gaze from him to look back to Sonia. “Yes, he did.” “Did he ever talk to you about Hannah Baker?” “Yes, he did. He talked about all sorts of things he wanted to do to her.” “Did he ever express interest in you?” I pursed my lips in an unsure way, shrugging my shoulders. “Yes and no. I was interested in him, so he would indulge me every so often.”

 

     She cocked an eyebrow, soon starting to walk back and forth rather slowly. “Did you two ever have sexual intercourse?” “Sometimes, yes.” “Was it ever unwanted on your end?” “..Yes ma’am. One time.” “Tell us about that, Montegomery.” I closed my eyes, now having to revisit the third awful memory of my life in recent years.

 

_I had been to baseball practice as per the usual for my day at school, eventually going to Bryce’s house to hang out with him in the pool-house. He and I smoked with the bong, had some drinks, and had been screwing around with each other as we had before. We’d exchanged some drunk kisses and I wanted to try and touch him, but every single time he would move my hand away, rather sloppily due to being buzzed by the alcohol we’d both consumed._

 

_I was getting upset about it, because all I wanted was for things to be like they used to be. I didn’t try to do it again though, because as fucked up in the head as I was, I knew my boundaries with him. I was in the middle of taking a sip of my drink when I felt his hand on my wrist. I put the drink down immediately and looked at him, his eyes staring into mine rather coldly._

 

_I could immediately tell that something wasn’t right with what was going on, because this didn’t feel like the other times he’d touched me. He’d never grabbed me by the wrist like that; it used to be gentle, as if to stop me. Right now, it was tight and overpowering, as if he were trying to stop me by force. I brushed it off and laid down onto my back, looking up into his eyes and honestly thinking he’d finally reciprocate what I’d been putting out to him earlier. What I got was much different, and the exact opposite._

 

_He put a hand to my neck, getting his lips rather close to my ear while letting out an angry growling-like noise into it. It sent a chill up my spine of both utter pleasure but fear as well, and I wasn’t sure how to show my response to him. “You’re a fucking pain in the ass, Monte. Don’t you know when to back the fuck off? Jesus Christ. I guess I have to fix this myself since you won’t back off yourself.”_

 

_He finally took his hand away from my neck, and I thought about moving away. I couldn’t, considering I’d consumed much more alcohol than he had. I wouldn’t have been able to get very far, even if I did get up and run. I’d have hit the floor in seconds because of how drunk I was. He got up off of me and grabbed the bong from the bar-top, holding it up to me and draping his other arm around my shoulders. “Take another hit. C’mon, be a big boy for me. Don’t be a pussy, Monte.”_

 

_I didn’t want to, but before I knew it he’d shoved the damn thing up to my mouth. He flicked the wheel on his lighter and pushed down the button, holding the flame to the other end and leaving me no other choice. It was either breathe in or pass out from the lack of oxygen, so I started inhaling what was inside. He held me there for quite a few seconds, and when my head was released I coughed. I was used to getting high and taking some rather strong hits from the bong, but this was unexpected and I wasn’t prepared for it._

 

_It didn’t take much longer before I was not only drunk as all hell, but stoned off of my own ass. I was laid out on the couch, and I could feel a weight on my body that was both familiar but also heavy. I opened my eyes to see Bryce, his hands taking off his own pants and then mine as well. Buried far underneath the euphoria of being high and drunk was utter fear and panic, and then what interrupted my focus on the emotions was pain at my back entrance._

 

_I couldn’t move away; I was too drunk and too high to care to move, but I knew I didn’t want this. Without any warning at all, I felt his length sliding into me and I made weak verbal attempts to make him stop. My speech was too slurred to get loud enough to distract him, or to say anything that would make any sense. This lasted for far too long before his motions got faster, and then all of a sudden stopped._

 

_There was nothing I could do about it as he pulled out of me, leaving me on the couch. I don’t know where he went, but he’d left my pants down and me alone on the couch. I heard a click in the distance, but couldn’t make myself get up to see where it had come from. I had felt myself drift off, and by the time I had woken up and checked the time, it was three in the morning. By that point, I was sober enough to drive back home, where I was to meet another fate that was unwelcome._

 

     I reached up to wipe tears from my eyes, looking Sonia into her eyes quite sorrowfully. “Montegomery, you were both drunk and high. How can you be so sure that it was unwanted?” I shook my head, giving her a look of disbelief. “My senses weren’t right. How can you be sure that I wanted it? I wanted the contact when I was still of a right mind to give it. When I couldn’t give it to him any longer, and when he’d made it clear that he didn’t want me to by pushing me away, I stopped and didn’t want to any longer. So I didn’t want it at all, despite being drunk and high to the point that my senses were a blur.”

 

     She stalled for a moment before dismissing herself back to her desk. “No further questions, your honor.” That marked the end of my testimony, as called by the judge, and I got away from the podium and into the hallway as quickly as I could. Without even bothering to wait for anybody to call out to me, I made my way to the men’s bathroom. I went inside, leaning against the sinks and closing my eyes tightly. I could feel my head spinning, and I whined before looking up at my reflection. My complexion was paler than normal, and I could feel my chest heaving as if I were about to throw up.

 

     I immediately grabbed the trash can, knowing I didn’t have the time to go to a stall. I threw the lid off of it and started throwing up into it, gripping the sides of it tightly as I leaned against the wall. It was then that I looked up as I heard the door shut, and saw Tony. I closed my eyes and immediately felt his hand on my back, rubbing it gently. “Fuck, I thought these symptoms were going away..” Tony sighed and kept rubbing my back, leaning against the wall behind me. “Well, unfortunately that shit doesn’t go away that quickly.”

 

     Eventually I felt the nausea subside, and I went to the sink and washed my face off. I went back out with Tony, not seeing anybody else outside. I started to say something, but Tony told me that everyone else had already gone back out to the cars, and that Justin and Clay were waiting for us in Lainie’s car. I went out with him, joining the two boys in the car and smiling at them. Clay looked at me through the rearview mirror, getting everything in the car ready for him to drive again. “You did good up there Monte. I think Hannah would have been happy to see you do her good.”

 

     I nodded my head back to him, looking over to Tony and losing all ability to even speak as I looked into his eyes. Any time I even looked at him, I lost my words and couldn’t think of anything to talk about with him; I knew why, but I couldn’t understand why exactly it was happening. We eventually got back to the house, and I went to the kitchen and grabbed a cup for some water. I turned to Tony as I grabbed the glass, stopping him with my voice. “Hey, Tony. Go up to the guest room and wait for me, okay?”

 

     He seemed confused but agreed, doing as I asked while I got my water. When I finished it, I put the glass in the sink and headed upstairs to Clay’s room to grab my lounge clothes from his closet before heading to the guest room to meet Tony there. When I got inside, he was also changing into his more comfortable attire. I sighed and did the same, finally happy to be out of such.. uptight clothing for the day. I hung everything back up and put it on the door knob for the time being, also locking the door so that nobody would disturb us.

 

     I finally sat down on the bed with Tony, looking over at him with a look of curiosity about it. “How are you feeling, Monte?” I smiled a bit, curling one side of my lips up in a half-smirk. “Better.” I didn’t say anything but that one word, but I leaned closer to him and looked into his eyes. “Tony, I’m ready to try this again.” He let me get even closer, until our lips were just inches apart. “Only if you’re sure about this. We can stop at any point, okay?” I nodded to him, finally closing the distance between us.

 

     With that, a heated and passionate kiss began between us, our body pressed against each other in about every way possible. His hands were exploring my chest and fingers toying with my nipples while my hips were grinding against his own in need of more than what we were doing, even though we’d only just started. I moaned softly against his lips every so often, lips often parting slightly to let out whimpers and take in air in between breaking one kiss and starting another.

 

     I started to poke and prod at his lips with my tongue, and being allowed entrance I darted it inside to dance with his own. The Mexican underneath me had a taste that was sweet and sour, in both every literal and metaphorical way there could be. He ate sweets and it always lingered, yet his toughness left behind a sour taste that I couldn’t get enough of. One hand ran through his hair while the other blindly started to reach down for his pants, finally finding the button and fiddling my fingers around until I felt it come undone. I stopped for just a few seconds to give him an opportunity to tell me not to go further, and when I wasn’t pushed away, I unzipped his pants and started to sink my hand underneath his pants and boxer shorts.

 

     When my fingers started to stroke along his length, I heard him release short pants and soft moans into my mouth. I took this as a sign to keep going, my fingers working his shaft until it started to grow hard. I then pulled out of the kiss, breathless and needy for more, staring into his eyes lustfully. I kissed him just once more, very briefly, before stripping him of his t-shirt that he’d put on earlier when I’d returned to him. I blindly threw it off to the side while placing feather-light kisses down his chest, nibbling gently with my teeth every so often until I got to his hips.

 

     I looked up into his eyes, toying with the waistband of his boxer shorts with my fingers. “Padilla, is this okay?” He nodded to me, telling me to go ahead with the most needy tone to his voice I’d ever heard, much less something I would have ever heard come from him in the first place. “Get my fucking cock in your mouth, Monte; now..” That was all it took for me to pull his pants and boxers down enough for me to put his length into my mouth. While I started getting used to the way it felt, I took his pants and boxers off and blindly threw them to the floor so that they wouldn’t be a distraction.

 

     I heard a moan come from him immediately as I started to take him deeper into my mouth, finally getting him in entirely. I started to move my head up and down, slowly at first and then quickening the pace when he placed his hand on the back of my head to encourage me to keep going. I spared no expenses in using the extent of my skills in this area to please him, placing my hands on his thighs to give me something to idly hold onto.

 

     His moans and breaths started to pick up in both pace and intensity, letting me know that I was doing everything right in this very moment. It wasn’t too much longer before he let out a whimper, fingers starting to grip the back of my head a bit tightly – not too much for comfort, but enough to let me feel the intensity of his comment. “Monte, I’m about to- fuck- f-faster, Monte-” I started moving my head up and down even faster, his hips beginning to buck up against me every so often. He finally gasped and held my head in place as I brought it down against the base of his shaft, fingers gripping it tightly and thighs quivering against my hands. He let out an intense moan, releasing his seed into my mouth and whimpering softly into the air around us as he did.

 

     When he finished, I pulled away and looked up into his eyes, blushing as I felt my own shaft hard as a rock in my own pants. I looked away from him, feeling a slight bit embarrassed that listening to him had gotten me so hard. He leaned forward and kissed me, unbuttoning my jeans and shoving them down to grip my cock immediately. I moaned almost a bit too loudly against his lips, the sudden action taking me by surprise. He started to pump his hand up and down along my length, making my body shake with pleasure and my voice moan out even more.

 

     He finally started moving his hand even faster, toying with my nipples with the other hand. I gasped out after pulling away from the kiss, leaning my head back and moaning out deeply. “F-Fuck, Tony..!” He leaned forward and started kissing my neck, whispering against my skin. “Suelta para mí, Monte. Sé que quieres.” I mumbled and finally asked him what he meant, and he finally looked up into my eyes. “Cum for me, Monte.” I shivered as he bit down on my neck, my shaft starting to twitch against his hand. A few seconds later, I felt myself cumming against his fingers, voice whimpering out in utter pleasure and euphoria.

 

     He pulled away and held his fingers to my mouth, where I started to suck them clean. It was a strange taste but nothing displeasing, which surprised me. I finally lay my head down on the pillows beneath us, letting him hold me from behind, despite the slight height difference. He closed his eyes and kissed the back of my neck, turning my head to look into his eyes. “That was amazing, Monte.” I nodded to him and closed my eyes, feeling myself already starting to drift away into a small slumber.

 

     I woke up just a couple of hours later, dinner ready. Zach and Jess had already gone home, and at this point it was just Felix, Clay, Justin, Tony and I with Matt and Lainie. We all ate and discussed things as if we were all family, and to an extent we were, and soon all headed upstairs to sleep, relax, or do whatever the hell we wanted to for the rest of the night. I was pleased with how my day turned out, but I was also scared because I knew at some point in my near future, I would have to be testifying against my dad. The thought of seeing him again face-to-face scared me senseless, but Tony’s arms around me as I drifted off to sleep kept my thoughts everywhere else.

 

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Hello everyone! Monte's chapter ended up being just a couple of pages shorter than Felix's own testimony chapter, so I don't think it was too bad of a wait. I had a lot of fun writing this one, as it was interesting to finally delve into a history for him that wasn't exactly touched on with the show. I was glad to give some background to this character that they made a dick for no other reason than just to have a stereotypical asshole jock, so it was nice to detail something on him for a change. 

 

Up next is Jessica's chapter, and I think everyone will be pleasantly surprised with what happens. Okay, maybe not "pleasantly", buuut it'll be worth the wait, I promise you all that for a fact. 

 

Once again, thanks for all of the feedback I've been getting. It's made everything I'm doing so worth it. 

 

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	13. Chapter Ten

**Chapter Ten**

 

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**Jessica’s Point of View**

 

_Sometimes even to live is an act of courage._

 

     I woke up on this dreaded morning to my phone ringing. I rolled over and hit the volume button to silence its ring so that I could go back to sleep, but then the person called back. I grumbled to myself and silenced the ringer again; they called yet again. I finally picked up the phone, my heart pounding at what I heard on the phone. Alex – he was sobbing and hysterical, and not doing well at all.

 

     “Jess, I’m gonna do it right this time. I can’t fucking do this shit anymore. Bryce getting away with all of this shit, then everything that’s happened to Monte, and now Felix. I have the gun, and I’m gonna fucking do it right. I’m not doing this anymore – I can’t.” My heart was in my stomach, and I found myself at a loss for words, unable to conjure a single one to respond to him with until he mentioned hanging up since I didn’t care.

 

     “A-Alex! No, please. Wh-What can I do to help?” He mentioned Justin’s name, and I immediately told him that I would get him to Alex’s house, no matter what it took; even if it meant that I would have to testify another day, that’s what it would take. I put him on speaker as I sent Justin a text to get to my house immediately to pick me up and head to Alex’s house right after, telling him what was going on. “Alex, he’s gonna be here soon, and then we’ll be there soon, okay? I’m not hanging up until I’m right there.”

 

     Justin texted me back, saying that he and Clay would be here in a few minutes to pick me up, and I waited anxiously for their arrival. I stood on the front porch with my phone in hand, trying desperately to continue talking Alex down every time he got worked up again. Justin told me that everyone else at Clay’s house was clueless as to what was happening at the moment, and that they’d have to find out later. I thought in the back of my mind of how Felix would react when he found out about this, but shook it off and kept talking to Alex while we headed to his house.

 

     I got out and ran to the front door, unable to open it as it was locked. Justin rammed his entire weight against it and managed to push it open, panting heavily from the effort he’d expended in doing so. He stopped to inspect the door, making sure nothing was too terribly broken. He realized it wasn’t and shut and locked the door, to prevent any intruders. We all finally ran upstairs, checking Alex’s room to see he wasn’t there. Justin had gone the other direction, calling out to us in absolute panic. “Guys, he’s in here!”

 

     I hung up the phone and ran to Justin’s side with Clay, seeing Alex with the gun to his temple. I cried, trying to step in his direction, and it caused him to put his finger on the trigger. “Get away from me Jess!” I nodded shakily, watching Justin step forward. “Alex, what happened?” “I can’t fucking do this anymore, Justin. I’m gonna do it right this time. If I just shoot myself right here, it’ll work this time, see?” Justin shook his head, taking another step toward Alex. “Alex, no. I’m right here. What can I do?”

 

     Alex shook his head, sobbing and tears falling from his cheeks. “I want all of it to stop. Jesus Christ, make it all stop, please!!” He’d dropped the gun at this point, curling up in a ball and wrapping his one good arm around his knees while the other limply hung at his side. “Justin, make it stop.. Please..” He closed his eyes, sobbing hysterically and allowing Justin to finally approach him. Justin wrapped his arms around Alex’s skinny form, my eyes watching them in absolute horror as Clay held me from the side to comfort me.

 

     I finally pulled my phone out, closing my eyes and feeling horrible about what I was about to have to do. “Alex.. I have to tell your dad.” He looked up at me, his lip quivering and mouth gaping open. “Jess, no!” I shook my head, tears overflowing in my own eyes and lips pursing for a few brief seconds. “Alex, I have to. We can’t help you with this on our own. One of your parents has to know, and we’re not your parents.” Alex’s shoulders hunched over, eyes closing as he weakly agreed to let me call his dad.

 

     I opened my eyes again and found Bill in my contacts, calling him and putting the phone on speaker. When he answered, I sniffled a bit before composing myself enough to speak. “Hey, Mr. Standall. It’s Jessica.” “Hey Jessica. Is something the matter? You sound like you’ve been crying.” “Sir, you need to come home. Alex woke me up a little while ago calling me. He was suicidal, and probably still is, just passively. He wanted to shoot himself again, and a had gun to his head when Justin, Clay and I got here. He’s crying right now, and isn’t looking like he’ll do anything, but I wanted you to know what had happened, and that you should probably come home to be with him. We’re staying here for a while as well, sir, so he won’t be alone. Could you call the courthouse for us and let them know I won’t be testifying today too?”

 

     Bill gave responses here and there, and gave an agreement to calling to raincheck my testimony for me, and he also said he’d be here as soon as he could. I knelt down in front of Alex, putting my hand on his knee to get his attention so he’d look in my eyes. I put my hands out for him to take them, looking back to the doorway. “Hey, let’s go wait in your room, okay? Get you all comfortable in your bed and stuff?”

 

     He silently nodded to me, Justin helping me lift Alex up off of the floor and onto his feet. Clay found his cane by the sink and on the floor, carrying it behind us as Justin lifted Alex up to carry him into his room. When we got in, he laid Alex down in bed and propped him up with his pillows stacked up behind him and sat down on the edge of the bed beside him. “Alex, we’re not going anywhere until you tell us to.” He simply nodded to us in silence, curling up beside Justin and keeping his head by his thighs.

 

     I watched him in the same silence, sitting there like this for another few minutes before we heard the door open downstairs, Bill yelling out in panic as we heard footsteps booming up the stairs. “Alex?!” He ran in and saw Alex on the bed, who looked upset and ashamed. “Oh god, Alex.” He rushed to Alex’s side and shifted him close enough that he could hug him, wrapping his arms around his son tightly and tears falling from his eyes. “God damn it, Alex, I was so scared. Please, go talk to someone. We can’t keep doing this..”

 

     I looked at him in shock and alert, an eyebrow cocked upward. “Wait, _keep doing this_? What do you mean?” Alex shook his head and tried to hide against his father’s body, Bill looking to me with an upset look on his face. “This.. isn’t the first time he’s had a relapse since his attempt, but he never actually.. got to this point before when he would go back.” I felt my mouth gape open and I looked at Alex, tears collecting in my eyes. “Alex.. Why didn’t you say anything? I could have helped somehow if-”

 

     Alex finally started talking sensibly for the first time since we’d arrived and calmed him down, looking over to me after getting Bill to let him go. “You were still recovering from things with Bryce. It wasn’t my place to bother you with this shit, so I didn’t. You had your own things to worry about, and I was too scared to tell anybody else.” I watched Justin put his hand on Alex’s arm, looking into his eyes. “Alex, you never have to be scared to talk to us – about _anything_ , okay? We’re all going to be here for you, no matter what happens.”

 

     Bill turned Alex’s head to get his attention, looking right into his eyes. “Alex, bud, even me. I’m always here. I might have a stressful job, but there’s nothing you can’t talk to me about that I wouldn’t understand. Difficult as that might be to believe, I understand a lot that you’ve gone through because I’ve dealt with it myself or from watching a friend deal with it, so you can always talk to me. But we need to get you some help, Alex. Just friends isn’t enough, because this isn’t something just friends can fix.”

 

     Alex nodded to him, closing his eyes and sighing deeply. “Look, I wanna go to sleep. You guys go on home, okay? I’ll be okay, and I’ll text one of you later..” I nodded to him, hugging him tightly before I let him lay down. “You better text me later, Alex.” He nodded to me when he pulled away, looking deep into my eyes. “I will, I promise.” I nodded, Bill telling us he’d stay home with Alex for the rest of the week to keep an eye on him.

 

     We all took our leave from the house, where Justin and Clay dropped me off at my house. They took off to head back to Clay’s house, both of them looking exhausted and drained from what all had just happened. I was feeling the impact as well, my body exhausted as I went back up to my room to sleep everything off for a while.

 

• ☾✩☽•

 

So this is the end of the testimony chapters for now. They will resume later on, however for now other things will be taking priority. For example, Felix’s reason for dumping Alex will be explained. The issue with Seth will be expanded on. The aftermath of Tony’s assault on Bryce will be explored, and if any of you noticed the new relationship tag for Monte/Tony/Felix, that will also be explained. Those of you who didn’t notice yet, uh.. surprise! Also, Alex will end up with Zach, don’t worry. Just.. maybe not in the way you would expect.

 

I hope you all enjoy what is to come when it arrives. I’ve been working so hard on this story, and this is the most I’ve put out on it than I have on anything else before. I’ve had a story before that had seventy-something pages to it, but that is turning out to be nothing in comparison to this. This is the biggest story I’ve ever written in my entire time of writing at all, and it’s exciting for me.

 

I can’t for you all to see what else is in store for this story. It’s all so interesting, and while I have Point A and Point B figured out before I start writing, I have no idea what the in between is going to contain until I start writing. That’s what I think makes it so special. I don’t think on it too hard – I just start contemplating what comes next and let my mind and my fingers just.. go. That’s that.

 

It hopefully won’t be too long before the next chapter comes out. I don’t envision there being any holdups, so unless something comes up suddenly, the next chapters should keep coming out like clockwork.

 

See you all in the next chapter!

 

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	14. Surprise!

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Hello everyone! 

  
I've been noticing how much love this has been getting, and I've decided that very soon, I'm going to share something with all of you. 

 

So, as I'm sure every other writer does at some point or another, I have a collection of things I listen to when I need inspiration for a particular scene of "this" sort or "that", and I decided it would be fun to compile all of that in a particular place. Some things couldn't be placed in a YouTube playlist, but I will have direct links to everything I use that I draw the inspiration from for the types of scenes that I do. 

 

I thought it would be nice to include all of you in that, letting you all into what gets my brain moving for a scene. 

 

This won't be some "special occasion" sort of deal. As soon as I can compile everything into a post, I'll upload that as a new "chapter".

 

That's all I wanted to say. Wait up for that and the next chapters. It'll be great!

 

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	15. Another Apology

Hello everyone. I would like to apologize immensely for the wait-time of the next chapter. I'm still not quite done with it either. My family went on vacation, and I spent the time doing things I normally couldn't as I was home alone for the week they spent away, so the story took the back-burner for the week. I spent it brainstorming for different ideas, and something beneficial to Felix, Monte and Tony as well.

 

I wanted it to be perfect, and so I've been working really hard on this chapter specifically. It goes into details about Felix that maybe some of you thought might not happen - it takes a turn quite similar to that of which Alex had in the second season of the show, so once you see the scene pop up, you'll probably have at least a vague idea of what's to come. I also added some information pertaining to Bryce - yes, it's a bit sooner than anticipated, but it'll work up toward something highly significant that I plan to have in one or more of the later chapters, so when you see it, don't comment saying "OH GOD WHY IS THIS HAPPENING NOW INSTEAD OF LATER - IT'S TOO SOON - I'M SO HAPPY BUT IT'S TOO SOOOOOOON" lmao. Dramatics aside, what you'll see is intentionally done earlier than what anybody is anticipating, but it'll work up to something bigger that I need Bryce for later on. 

 

With that, I hope you all are still with me. I know I've been a terrible writer, keeping you all waiting like this - I hope you'll all find the wait worth it when I post the new chapter as soon as it's finished. 


	16. Chapten Eleven

**Chapter Eleven**

 

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**Justin’s Point of View**

 

     Clay and I finally walked back into the house after having dealt with Alex, Lainie standing up and starting to yell out at Clay before she saw us. “Clay Jensen, where have you-” She immediately saw how exhausted we looked, her tone softening immediately and eyes no longer staring us down with anger. “What happened?” I sighed and looked at her, frowning as I looked into the kitchen. I then looked into the living room and saw Felix watching TV with Monte, Tony and Matt, and I pulled her into the kitchen with Clay for privacy.

 

     “I don’t want to say this in front of Felix just yet because I don’t know how he’ll respond. He isn’t dating Alex anymore, but I want to tell him when we all have the proper time to. Alex relapsed this morning and called Jessica saying he was going to shoot himself again. He demanded I go there, so that’s when Clay and I left so suddenly. We had to talk him down with Jess, and we came back as soon as we could. She’s not testifying today, and we don’t know when she will.” Lainie nodded here and there between sentences, putting her arms around us both at once. “Boys, I’m so proud of you. You were there for him, and that’s most important. I’ll look over it this time, but I think you two should come with me. I mean.. something does have to be done about this.”

 

     Clay looked at me in shame, fearing that we were about to be punished, but she walked us outside to show us a car similar to her own sitting off to the side, looking as if it were parked at the neighbor’s house. “Clay, you haven’t had your bike available in quite some time, and the testimonies had us splitting cars. We know most kids your age in our neighborhood have a car for themselves, so we decided that maybe it would be safer if you had a car to drive instead of a bike on the roads.”

 

     His mouth gaped open as he looked at the car and then to his mother, his arms wrapping around her tightly. “Mom, thank you so much!” She ruffled his hair and then pulled away to look into his eyes, smiling at him. “The keys are in your room on your desk. Just promise that you’ll be careful. There’s a lot of reckless drivers out there.” He nodded to her, promising her immediately that he would indeed be careful.

 

     We went upstairs immediately to his room, Clay sitting down on his bed and rubbing his face in absolutely exhaustion. I sat next to him, closing my eyes and sighing deeply. “God, I’m so tired..” I nodded to him, reaching my hand over to hold his own. “I know.. So am I. I’m just glad he’s safe right now..” “Yeah, me too. That shit scared me this morning..”

 

     Right when we were about to lie back down, we heard a knock on the door. I looked up and then at Clay, who told whoever it was that they could come in. In walked Tony and Monte, wheeling Felix inside of the room in front of them. “Hey, what happened this morning? You two took off and we didn’t know where the fuck you went.” I looked at Tony, my eyes shifting from him to look at Felix, and then back to Tony again. “Uh.. I’m not sure we should talk about that right now. It’s about Alex and-”

 

     Felix looked up at me, immediately holding a curious look on his face. “Wait, Alex? What about him can’t you talk about in front of me?” I looked over to Clay sitting beside me, obviously worried, but as soon as he put his hand on my knee, I sighed and looked back at Felix. “You two should sit down first. You’ll probably end up sitting down when you hear it anyway.. so let’s take the falling out of the equation.”

 

     Once Tony and Monte were seated on the futon with Felix beside them, I took a deep breath and then exhaled. “Okay, so apparently Alex called Jess this morning, and according to what she told me, he was hysterical and upset – well, _more_ than upset. He was crying and talking about how he was gonna shoot himself again, except this time do it right. He demanded I be there, and.. that’s when Clay and I left this morning.”

 

     I looked over to Felix, watching his face go pale with worry. I moved from where I was sitting to kneel down in front of Felix, putting my hands on his knees. “Hey, don’t worry. He’s okay. The three of us talked him down and Bill came to stay with him for the rest of the week at home. He’ll be fine; he’s gonna go get help, and it’s gonna be okay.” Felix noticeably relaxed, letting out a very tense sigh of relief. “Oh, fuck, thank god.. Thanks, you guys.. I’ve felt really bad ever since breaking up with him, because he’s not talked to any of us at all ever since..”

 

     I shook my head, looking into his eyes. “Listen, this isn’t your fault. You can’t fix this sort of shit on your own. We can’t either. This isn’t our thing to fix or make better; this is something a professional has to do, Felix. You would have only made it worse if you kept staying in a relationship that you weren’t happy in, because nobody wants to be led on.” He nodded to me, smiling at me. “Thanks, Justin. You’re the best.” I gave him a toothy grin, giggling just a little bit. “Well, I mean.. If you say so..”

 

     Clay scoffed behind me in a comical manner and then watched me head to his desk to grab the keys to his car, giving him a hopeful look. “Hey, can I go take a quick drive? I just need some time out for a while by myself.” He seemed sketchy about it given all the current circumstances, but he finally agreed to it. I made my way downstairs, telling Lainie that I would be back soon. She called out to me with an agreement and I shut the front door behind me, heading out to Clay’s new car.

 

     I got in and adjusted everything to a comfortable position for myself, taking off from the house and heading off in the direction of Monet’s. I decided to finally try some coffee from there, having never had it before – I wanted to know what all of the hype was for about this place. I pulled up to a horizontal parking space, turned the car off and got out, heading to the door. Before I even had a chance to open it, I froze as I heard a familiar and unwelcome voice behind me. “Where’s my fucking money?”

 

     I slowly turned around and looked Seth in the eyes, backing up against the brick wall behind me. “Look, I don’t have it, okay? I-I have an order of protection against you; you can’t touch me.” He smirked at me, shaking his head and grabbing my neck, squeezing it as he held me against the wall. “Do I look or sound like I give a damn? I told you that you’d better have my money, or that I’d beat your fucking skull in. You always wanted to die, so today’s your lucky day, bitch.”

 

     I felt him let go of me and grab my wrist to force me into the alley in between Monet’s and the building next to it, slamming his fist into my throat as he’d misjudged where my cheek was. I cried out and curled up on the ground, whimpering as he slammed his foot into my stomach quite a few times, causing me to cough heavily due to the pain. I couldn’t get a chance to defend myself, but I flung my foot out and managed to hit him in his face pretty hard.

 

     He toppled off of me and stayed on the ground for a good enough amount of time, long enough for me to make a run for the car and get in. I didn’t bother buckling in, turning it on and squealing the tires while driving off – I didn’t care what happened to the car. I just wanted to get away from him. I saw him in the rearview mirror standing in absolute disgust while watching me drive away, holding up his middle finger at the car.

 

     I headed straight back to Clay’s house – fuck, I really need to get used to calling it my house too – and got out of the car, running into the house and slamming the door behind me. Lainie called out from the kitchen to greet me, and I made my way into the kitchen, panting as I looked at Lainie. “L-Mom, I need help, please-I-” By the time I had her attention on my face at all, I felt the adrenaline completely drain from my body, which then made way to the floor. I collapsed, my voice whimpering as I wrapped my arms around my stomach.

 

     “Justin!” Lainie cried out to me, running over to me and swiping my hair out of my face. “Honey, what happened to you? Come on, sit in the chair for me while I get you some first aid.” With her help, I managed to stand up and sit in one of the chairs surrounding the kitchen table, whining as I watched her head over to me. She kissed my forehead, rubbing my head. “I’m going upstairs to grab the first aid from the bathroom. Stay right here.”

 

     She headed upstairs and I heard a couple of doors open and one close, and it was then that a different person appeared in my vision. “Justin, what the fuck happened to you?” I looked over at Tony, grimacing at the pain radiating from my stomach. “Fuck.. I drove to Monet’s. I was gonna try some of the coffee from there but god damn Seth was there.” Lainie’s heels came clicking down the stairs, and I kept talking to Tony as she started to sort through the box she returned with. “I tried to pull the protection order against him, but it didn’t stop him. He pulled me off to an alley and beat the shit out of me. Before he could do any more than this, I accidentally kicked him in the face and managed to make a break for the car..”

 

     Tony winced silently and lifted up my shirt, seeing where the redness was from where I’d been kicked. “Well, he missed your ribs, at least. Did he get you anywhere else?” I nodded and tilted my head, showing him the side of my neck. “Just here.. It wasn’t even as bad as the kicks were, to be honest..”

 

     Tony sighed, pulling up a chair to sit diagonal from me, putting his hand on my knee while Lainie started to rub some pain-relieving cream on my stomach and neck. “Justin, until you’re legitimately protected from Seth by law, you don’t need to go back out. I’m sorry – I know you all need your space from each other every once in a while, but I can’t have you getting hurt again, honey.” I nodded to her, honestly in agreement with her. “No, I understand. I wouldn’t mind not having this happen again, honestly..” She chuckled to me, patting my back gently. “Go on upstairs and rest. Lunch will be ready in a little while – we’re all having burgers, hot dogs and fries. I’ll call up to you guys when it’s done.”

 

     I nodded to her, taking my leave with Tony to head back upstairs to Clay’s room. When I opened the door, Clay jumped to his feet and ran to me, holding me by the arms. “Justin, what happened?! Fuck, I shouldn’t have let you go out..” I grimaced a bit, shaking my head and moving to sit down on the bed, being careful not to bend over too much and agitate my injuries. “I rode over to Monet’s ‘cause I was gonna finally check out their coffee, and Seth was there.. He wanted his money, I told him I didn’t have it, told him I had an order of protection against him, but he beat the shit out of me in the alley..”

 

     Clay sighed and rubbed my head, sitting next to me as he gently moved me to lay my body down. “Look, you’re not leaving this house without me. Not again; you’re not safe.” I nodded, closing my eyes and whimpering a bit. “Fuck, this hurts.. Clay, don’t you have some pain killers? I know you went to the hospital after you got the shit beaten out of you by Bryce.. I heard about that, y’know..” He shook his head, sighing deeply in shame. “No. After the marijuana stunt that whoever-the-fuck pulled on me, I wasn’t allowed to have drugs of any sort.. so no.”

 

     I whined and heard Tony finally speak up. “Look, I don’t normally do this, but I can talk to Olivia. She normally wouldn’t, but she’ll help you out.” I looked over to him hopefully, smiling a bit. “Thanks Tony.” He shrugged, looking me up and down, then letting his eyes finally fall on mine again. “We help out our friends when they’re in need, right?” I nodded to him, closing my eyes again and exhaling deeply. “I’m gonna go to sleep. You guys go to the guest room or something, okay?”

 

     They graciously left Clay and I in the room alone, which I was thankful for. I wanted as few people to see me this way as possible. “Clay, you’re too fucking good to me..” He shook his head and rubbed mine, smiling at me. “No, I just love you. There’s a difference. If I was only being too fucking nice to you, I wouldn’t bother kissing you. Like, ever.” I chuckled a bit but not too hard, nodding my head as I lay there staring at the darkness of my eyelids. “Yeah.. true..”

 

     He leaned down and kissed me on my forehead, making me look up at him with a smile. “You can sleep if you want. I’ll wake you up when mom calls us all down for lunch, okay?” I nodded and closed my eyes again, drifting off to sleep at some point while Clay ran his fingers through my hair.

 

**Felix’s Point of View**

 

     Tony had laid me down on the bed, propping up the pillows behind me so that I could sit up and look at he and Monte, who was sitting across from us on the foot of the bed. Tony seemed to be thinking about something rather deeply, and I looked over at him and tilted my head forward a bit. “You can tell me what you’re thinking about, y’know. It’s not like I’m gonna bite or anything.” He chuckled at my comment and then sighed, sitting back against the wall. “Well.. I guess I’m just curious about something.”

 

     I looked at him with now a look of confusion, and he shook his head before looking down at his feet. “Why exactly did you break up with Alex? It’s not like he could control forgetting who he was, Felix.” I sighed, looking a mixture of ashamed with what I was about to say, looking back up at his face. “Well.. Honestly, I wasn’t really feeling anything for him anymore. He and I were really close at first, but I just felt it fading after a while. I mean.. Around the time you started helping me around, I just started losing it for him.”

 

     I saw his eyebrows raise, looking down for just a moment before returning his gaze to my eyes. “So wait a minute. You’re telling me..” I nodded, sighing deeply. “Yeah. I started getting feelings for you when you started helping me.” Tony seemed to look at me with a mixture of shame and curiosity, and my eyes immediately looked away from him in shame. “Felix, why didn’t you say anything to me, or to Alex about this?” “I was ashamed of what you two would think of me. I felt really bad about it, that I was practically cheating on my boyfriend with you by feeling the way I did and still do about you.”

 

     Tony turned to look me right in the eyes after he grabbed my chin to force me to do the same. “Listen to me, Felix. I appreciate your honesty, but it’s wrong.” I nodded, closing my eyes as I felt a couple of small tears forming in my eyes. “I know. God, this is so pathetic. I start getting feelings for someone else while in another relationship, and now I’m all fucked up when you tell me how wrong it is. I’m all sorts of fucked in the head, aren’t I?” Monte leaned forward and put his hand on my leg, shaking his head. “No, you’re not. It’s a flaw in all of us as humans, Felix. It’s happened to me, maybe to Tony.. I’m sure it’s happened to all of us, maybe even Alex. It doesn’t make you any better or worse than the rest of us.”

 

     I smiled at him, looking down at my feet that sat up against the outside of Monte’s thighs, soon lying my head back against the wall. “So what happens now?” Tony scoffed a bit in a chuckling manner, but I didn’t look at him to get a visual of his face. “With what?” “With us. I mean, you and Monte have been spending a lot of time together, and I don’t wanna-”

 

     Tony put his hand on my arm to get me to look at him, and once I did, he looked at Monte. I watched him nod at Tony, and then I was greeted with a kiss on the lips from the Mexican in front of me. I felt my eyes open wide with shock, breaking the kiss with surprise. “Wh-What the-” “Felix, if you’d like to explore things with us, we’d be happy to have you along for the ride.” I looked at Monte in confusion and shock, and he smiled at me while leaning back against the foot of the bed. “We talked about it in the guest room one night while you were in Clay’s room asleep. I’ve.. noticed how you look at us sometimes, so I already knew.”

 

     I blushed in half shame and half of relief, soon sighing and looking back into his eyes. “If you two will have me, I’d be happy to go along.” Tony slowly took my hand into his own, looking into my eyes. “We’re happy to have you with us.” I slowly looked at Monte and then back to Tony, biting my lip anxiously. “We should probably wait a while before we say anything to Alex. We can tell the others, but with what happened with Alex, I don’t think it’d be good to tell him yet.” I noticed Monte respond with a nod out of the corner of my eyes, sighing deeply. “Yeah, that’s a good idea..”

 

     Our conversation was interrupted by Alex himself, who sent me a text. I slipped my phone out of my pocket and unlocked it, cocking an eyebrow at what I was reading. _They got Bryce._ I didn’t know what to make of it, and I immediately called him without replying to the text, holding my finger up to signal to Monte and Tony that I needed a moment. The phone rang a couple of times before I heard Alex greet me, and I sighed.

 

     “Before I even ask what that was about, I heard about what.. happened. How are you doing? … Okay, good. You fucking worried me, Alex.. … No, don’t be sorry. What you can do is explain what you sent me. They got him – what does that even mean? … Wait, what?! For what? … You’re fucking shitting me right now; there’s no way. … Holy shit, you’re not joking..” I heard Lainie call us all down for lunch at this very moment, and I sighed. “Lunch is ready over here. I’ll call you back later to talk about this some more. Thanks for letting me know. … You too, Alex. Bye.”

 

     Monte and Tony were both staring at me in confusion, and I smiled with very obvious hints of disbelief. “They arrested Bryce today.” Monte’s mouth gaped open, eyes looking all over the place as he tried to come up with something to respond with – it was obvious to me what his mind was going through at the moment, as was Tony’s. “They had been presented with your information, mine.. and they got him.” Tony leaned forward and embraced me tightly, rubbing my back and chuckling. “We did it, Felix. I knew we would.”

 

     After we spent a few minutes reveling in our relief, Tony picked me up and carried me downstairs, leaving Monte to retrieve my wheelchair from the corner of the room for me to sit in at the table. We saw Lainie downstairs and greeted her warmly, where I waited impatiently to relay the news to everyone. We finally saw Justin and Clay arrive, as well as Matt from the other room, and I looked at Tony before smiling. “So.. uh, Alex texted me a few minutes ago, saying that “they got Bryce”. I called him because I was confused, and he told me that with the information from the rape accounts from Monte and I, they arrested Bryce today.”

 

     I saw Clay’s lips curl up into a huge smile, Lainie giving a smile chuckle. “That’s cause for celebration. We’ll have to invite Jessica over tomorrow for dinner, and Olivia as well. I think they’d both highly enjoy that. I think Dennis would love to be in on that dinner as well – we’ve all been waiting for this day, and I think it would be lovely to experience a dinner in good company for all of the hard work we’ve put in to arriving here. What do you think, boys?” I nodded in agreement to her statement, smiling largely. “I think I’d like that a lot, Lainie. I’ll have to see if Alex is up to it, too. If he is, I think he, Bill and Carolyn would love to be here too.”

 

     Lainie agreed that it would be nice, and we all spent the time eating lunch in harmony. It was like any other meal, and soon we were all headed back upstairs. I was whisked away to the guest room with Tony and Monte, leaving Clay and Justin in his room. I know I said would call Alex after lunch, but I had other things I wanted. Things I wanted but couldn’t have anymore.

 

     I guess Tony noticed how deep in thought I was, because I finally took notice to him snapping his fingers at me almost impatiently. I shook my head and looked at him, cocking an eyebrow up in confusion. “I’m sorry – what?” “What are you thinking about up there? You were so lost that we thought you’d fallen asleep with your eyes open.” I sighed and looked away, shaking my head and looking at me feet shamefully. “Don’t.. worry about it. You guys can’t do anything about it anyway..”

 

     Monte stroked my ankle, shaking his head to me once I looked at him. “Well, I don’t give a shit. I want to know what’s going on in your head. Even if we can’t help or do anything about it, it’ll help to know what you’re going through.” I sighed deeply once again with a hint of defeat, nodding my head. “I’ve fallen victim to everything about Alex that I didn’t want to have fall onto me too.” Tony gave me this floored look, confused as all hell. “He didn’t shoot himself in the head in the correct way of which one would to kill themselves – he damaged his brain and left himself with mobility issues and memory loss. And when I tried, look what I fucking did – I made the same god damn mistake he made.”

 

     I could tell they had no words for me, as the silence in the room was almost deadly and able to be cut with a butter knife, of all things. “You have no idea how much I go through every single god damn fucking day wishing I could just do it right. But see, I can’t fucking do that because everyone has to treat me like a baby and keep things out of my reach. I’m at everyone’s god damn mercy because I left myself barely able to even move at all – even Alex didn’t fucking do that one to himself. He can still walk – I’m left to sit in this fucking piece of shit every fucking day.”

 

     More silence. It made me feel almost sick. “I want to grab my fucking gun and do it right. But nobody even trusts me to do shit on my own anymore, not after the god damn pool incident at Alex and I’s house for my birthday. I can’t even have privacy in the god damn bathroom anymore, because someone has to help wipe my ass too. Then they fucking flip me around like a rag doll when I go to my checkups at the doctor’s office, poking and prodding at me. I’m tired of suffering like this every fucking day. None of you understand!!”

 

     Tony got up a few seconds later to open the door, Justin and Clay standing in the doorway and staring at me in shock. “I can’t do anything for myself anymore. None of you get it, not even fucking Alex, because even he can still live his own life without needing everybody’s help for everything.” I had long since started crying and sobbing hysterically in between sentences, my hands reaching up to wipe tears from my eyes. “I’m so fucking sick of living my life at the mercy of everyone else. I’m practically a fucking vegetable. I’m so fucking tired of it!!”

 

     I felt a strange pair of arms wrap around me, looking in front of me to see Justin was the one. “Laugh at me for this one, I know you all will. I miss the days I used to spend where I could still feel a reaction to Alex’s touches, his kisses. Where I didn’t need to wonder if I’d ever have the entire male experience ever again. I miss all of it, and none of you can ever do anything to fix it. Nobody can, except for me, but nobody will let me do that.” I felt Justin’s arms squeeze me in a comforting embrace, and I felt something shift inside of me.

 

     Aside from my cries and sobs, the air was silent other than the sound of the guest room door shutting and locking. I felt my face turn from sorrow to almost an angry expression, and I pushed my arms at Justin’s body. “G-Get off of me!!” When his arms didn’t let go of my body, I cried and started yelling at him. “Justin, get the fuck off of me!!!” He ended up on top of me somehow, shaking his head against my neck and arms still holding my body in a comforting but tight embrace. We struggled like this for a few more seconds, our hips crushed together in the altercation. I suddenly felt something tightening in my pants, and I yelled out and told him in a more shocked tone to move away.

 

     When he finally did, I looked down to see that my dick was semi-hard in my pants, my eyes looking up into Justin’s in absolute shock and surprise and my mouth gaped open. The tears had immediately stopped at that point, my head turning to look at Tony, then Monte, and then back down at my pants as I was left almost breathless and nearly at a loss for words. “I-uh.. Um.. I didn’t-” Justin had backed up at his point, my cheeks tinted red and my eyes almost full of shame, but more of relief at this point. “I thought I couldn’t..”

 

     I felt my body release an airy but short laugh, my body tensely leaning back against the wall. “Uh, you guys can.. g-go back to your room. I-Sorry..” They awkwardly left without any words, Tony locking the door behind them and staring into my eyes. “This.. is so fucking awkward.” I blushed as I uttered the statement, Tony leaning over me and Monte leaning over my legs. “We can.. help with that, if you want us to, Felix.” I felt myself blush even deeper at Monte’s words, slowly nodding as I felt my lips curl up into a smirk. “I wouldn’t mind that at all, actually.. I’m.. actually curious to see if it’ll stick around to any of the things I’m.. sensitive to, or if it’s just the direct contact that does it.”

 

     Tony leaned down to start kissing my neck, causing me to close my eyes and sigh out a bit from the jolt of pleasure it gave me. Monte went for the opposite side of me to start nibbling on my earlobe, and I gasped out a bit before feeling my body shudder with a shiver than traveled up my spine. I felt his teeth graze against the skin with a smirk in response to my reaction, his teeth starting to work harder to produce more of the same reaction from me. I started whining softly, feeling my back arch underneath both of their bodies and against the wall behind me.

 

     I felt a strong hand traveling down my body, lifting up my shirt and soon interrupting the both of them to pull it off. I looked down to see Tony take my slender frame into his hands as he began to lick at the nubs on my chest. I gasped and leaned my head back, running my fingers through his hair and moaning deeply as if he were already making contact with my cock. It looks like I’m still as sensitive as I used to be, no matter how much I’ve been through since then. It also appears that I’m still really easy to get hard, as shown by the struggle between Justin and I. It’s still so unfair that it’s so easy.

 

     I felt another hand travel down beneath the waistband of my pants and boxers, teasing me by just barely brushing up against the part of me that needed that touch the most. I felt eager twitches from my cock from within its confines, showing me that it was still responsive to touch as well as indirect forms of pleasure for me. I whined and moaned, my body quivering all over as I let my hands drop to the covers and grip them tightly, trying to keep myself quiet enough that nobody would feel the need to come looking for us.

 

     I looked down to see Monte pulling down my pants and underwear, revealing that I was dripping with precum all along the head of my cock. I panted and gasped as I made eye contact with him, the desperate look on my face obvious as he smirked at me. “God, you just can’t stand it, can’t you?” I whined for a brief second before feeling his hand gently grip the base of my dick, his tongue toying with the tip. I gasped and moaned, suddenly taken by surprise when I felt the twitch of another limb of mine – my leg. I put my hands to his head and gently poked at him to move away, my eyes staring at my right leg as I put my hand on Tony’s shoulder in hopes that he’d stop.

 

     I was so overtaken by shock that I had stopped responding to the pleasure, despite the raging hard-on I was dealing with. It all had gone to the back-burner, the twitch of my leg taking the front. “Felix, what’s wrong?” I shook my head, looking into Tony’s eyes. “I felt my leg twitch. It’s.. been so long since that happened. I know I can still move my legs just a little, but I haven’t felt that in so long that I forgot I could. It just surprised me, is all.”

 

     Tony chuckled before leaning his head back down, this time nibbling on one of my nipples. I gasped and felt my entire body shiver, Monte giving a smirk right after I felt tension at the tip of my cock and then right after, a small droplet of warm wetness against my abdomen. I closed my eyes as Monte took my length into his mouth, my voice whimpering out deeply as the pleasure began to sink into and seep out of every pore of my body, it seemed like. There was so much adrenaline going through my body that I felt my toes curl up at the foot of the bed, but I didn’t stop to pay attention to it – at this point, the pleasure was the only thing I could pay full attention to, and even then my attention and focus was a scattered and mindless mess.

 

     I felt Monte’s teeth just barely nip at the underside of my cock, my voice moaning out a bit loudly from the surprising amount of pleasure it sent through my body. I gripped the back of his head, my voice hoarse from all of the moaning and yelling from earlier, more moans escaping even now. “F-Ahh-!! M-Monte, T-Tony.. I’m gonna-” I had no time to say the latter half of that sentence before I felt all of the tension in my shaft release itself, my cum releasing into Monte’s mouth. I panted and gasped deeply, whining as well, my body finally starting to relax against the bed again.

 

     It took me a few minutes before I looked up into Monte’s eyes, my own filled with a joy and sense of relief that I hadn’t felt in what felt like years. “I felt my toes curl up when you took me into your mouth.” He smiled at me, stroking my stomach while Tony set his happy ass on a mission to clean my own precum off of me in one swift motion of his tongue. It sent a small shiver up my spine before he smiled at me, kissing my cheek. “I’m happy for you, Felix. I haven’t seen you this happy in so long.”

 

     I felt tears of joy fill my eyes, my hands reaching up to wipe them away as they started to fall from the far corners of my eyes. “Fuck, I can’t believe it. I didn’t think that shit could still happen to me. My fucking god.. We-I-I have to tell Clay and Justin.” Tony laughed gently at my comment, lying his head on my chest. “Let’s slow down there, tiger. Some things are better kept to yourself.” I pouted, Monte laughing at me. “I know, but they’ll be happy for me. Fuck you.” Tony laughed at me again, stroking my chest and humming in content. “You’re too cute, Felix.”

 

     I pouted again, slowly using my hands to push my body up after Tony felt the effort of my body straining against his head. He tried to help me sit up, but I shook my head. “No, let me do it. I can do it.” I took about a solid minute to do so, but I managed to sit myself up against the wall again, without any help from either Tony or Monte at all. I wanted to prove that the strength didn’t reside in just the adrenaline alone, and I was right, because I did it all by myself. I smiled at Tony again, looking relieved. “I told you I could do it.” “You did. I’m proud of you.”

 

     I felt myself drift away into a slumber after closing my eyes, lulling away to the feeling of strong arms around my frame – I had a feeling it was Tony. Slender arms stroking my thighs – Monte. Both touches had me sleeping in no time, and I entered the land of my dreams where I began to fantasize about walking by myself, even running. But even in my dreams, I had to remind myself that those days were still so far away.

 

• ☾✩☽•

 

This was a short chapter despite the long wait time, but I didn’t have anything else to add into it for the time being. Things seemed as if they were at a pretty good stopping point for now, so I decided it would be best to leave them where they were.

 

Thanks all of you for sticking around. It means a lot, and hopefully I won’t have to keep you waiting like that again. I hated it probably as much as any of you might have.

 

• ☾✩☽•


	17. My Deepest Apologies

I would like to deeply apologize for the delay in getting the next chapter up. 

 

I hit a creative block and just as I was getting over it late this past week, one of my family members was pronounced dead due to cancer coming back to her rather quickly and spreading to her liver, causing it to fail and ultimately.. ending her life far too soon. I'm trying to work on the chapter again, though I'm deeply grieving the loss of her for now, so it could be a while longer yet before I manage to get it up. Thanks in advance to all of you who are even still watching this story for understanding the situation at hand and being so patient. 

 

-Cay-


	18. I would like to apologize.

First and foremost, I would like to say that I apologize for all of the waiting. 

 

Secondly, I have officially lost my mind. I have lost the original document for Paralyzed, and I'm unsure of where it went or how to recover it. I have looked in every folder on my PC to no avail whatsoever. I have turned everything upside down - every flash drive, every SD card I own, and it isn't on any of them. 

 

However, I would like to inform all of you that while looking for Paralyzed, I managed to recover something that I had been working on for quite some time, up until around a year ago. I have begun to work on it again, and if you all are at all interested in the other types of writing I have to offer, I would highly suggest sticking around to watch me post this new story I've been working on. I'll have to work on splitting the chapters up into pieces to determine how it should be posted, or whether or not to post the chapters as-is in one big chunk. 

 

The new story is of the fantasy genre, and it is based off of a Japanese Role Playing Game called Suikoden V (which also is 5; it uses the Roman Numeral for the number 5). It's something I've been passionately working on in previous times and currently now that I've found time to devote to it again, and I hope that even if you typically aren't a fan of the fantasy genre, you'll give it a try. 

 

Once again, I apologize immensely for the waiting for the new chapter to be posted, but until I can compile all of the story back together, Paralyzed is going to be put on hold until further notice. 

 

Thanks to all of you for sticking around, and I hope you give any of my future work a shot. 

 

-Cay-


	19. Recovery

_**Recovery** _

 

\---

 

Hello everyone. First off, if any of you are still waiting for an update, don't worry - it's coming, and sooner than you think. I found the document for the story, and finally have begun working through it again. I think it's been a long time coming, and I'm excited to start back on it and continue the journey with you all. 

 

An important note to keep in mind - I'm going to do my best to keep to the writing style that I started writing this with, however there may be some differences seen here and there. I've improved in some ways with my writing since the previous chapter was posted here, and so it might leak through to the final product as things are written, proofread, and then the final versions are posted here. 

 

So with that being said, I'm going to get back to work on the most recent chapter. I hope you all are excited to see it come back, because I'm eager to see this work gain traction again. 


	20. About the new chapter

I want you all to keep in mind that this next chapter is all about the start of everyone's recovery, including people you may not want to have it. 

 

The reason I'm doing what I'm doing in the next chapter is because of a personal breakthrough I had in my own life, which led me to want to add it in for Felix. 

 

All I ask is that you all try to keep an open mind to everything in the last half of the next chapter, because whether it's wanted by some of you or not in regards to who it is, it's personal for me and comes straight from my heart. 

 

The next chapter should be up today. Thanks guys. <3 


	21. Chapter Twelve

**Felix’s Point of View**

 

     I felt myself awaken that evening, staring blankly at the wall in front of me. I was greeted with the haunting reality that shook me every single time I stared down at myself – that I was bound to a wheelchair and could barely even move my own legs, save for a few spasms or twitches once in a blue moon. I couldn’t shake any part of my reality from my mind, no matter how good of a day I would have – it was always there; watching me, haunting me.

 

     I felt Tony’s hand on my arm, being greeted by his warm smile. “Hey. Did you sleep well?” I nodded to him, closing my eyes and curling my upper body down towards his legs. “Yeah, I slept fine.” I was rather short with him, keeping my answer short and to the point. I didn’t want to waste any breath on pointless conversations anymore, nor did I really feel any want or need to talk with _anybody_ anymore. Yeah, Bryce had been arrested, and yeah, I felt movement in my lower body more than I ever had before since my attempt, but what good was it if it was only temporary?

 

     All of this was only temporary happiness; temporary relief from the reality that I had to face every single day. The reality that was embodied in one single tangible item – my wheelchair. I finally heard Monte’s voice talking to me and calling my name, and I shook my head and stared at him. “What?” “Let’s go to Clay and Justin’s room. They said we were welcome to go chill with ‘em in there.”

 

     I absentmindedly nodded my head and allowed them to place me into my wheelchair, and I immediately felt a sensation I’d never felt before when sitting in it. I felt a mixture of disdain, horror and anger, as if I’d never experienced sitting in it before. I grumbled and looked to Tony, banging my hand on the doorway as we reached it. “Get me out of the chair. I don’t want to fucking be in it; get me the fuck out!” He nodded with a shocked expression on his face, picking me up and carrying me on his back instead.

 

     We went into Clay’s room, where he waved at us from the bed. “Hey. How’s it going?” I demanded that Tony put me down, and when he suggested the futon, I refused. “No; just put me down.” The desk chair? No. The bed? Still no. When all other options but the floor remained, I looked away from him and sighed. “Just.. put me down on the floor. It’s fine.” When he went to set me down, I let go of him so that I could try to take control of things on my own. My knees buckled immediately and I landed flat on my face, where Tony rushed to my side to try to help me.

 

     That’s when I finally broke, I guess. “Get away from me! Stop it! Stop treating me like a fucking baby!” He looked at me in defeat, his shoulders relaxing and dropping down a bit. “Felix, you can’t even stand up on your own. I have no choice but to help you.” I glared at him, repeating my same request from when I was on his back just a moment prior. “Just put me down.”

 

     I guess it had finally sunken in just what I was suggesting, because it was as if his entire world crashed down and fell apart. He stared at me in shock, mouth gaped open and eyes almost dead. “Why would I do that?” “Because I’m no good anymore. Anything that happens to me now is only temporary fucking relief from what I’m forced to face every day. So just let me fix it so I can be rid of this fucking hell hole of a life. Please.”

 

     He just stood there staring at me, and I heard Clay address him from behind me. “Tony, why are you just standing there? The hell?” I sat on the floor, angry and upset with the world and everything it had given me. He finally dropped down in front of me, tears in his eyes as he spoke to me again. “Felix, I can’t let you do that. If that’s what you want, then we have no choice but to admit you to a fucking psychiatric hospital. We can’t help you anymore, if that’s really what you want.” I finally sighed in defeat, asking Monte to take me back to the guest room.

 

     He picked me up without an ounce of resistance from me, whisking me away to the guest room, all as per my request. Right before he left, I called to him from the bed. “Monte.” When he turned around and looked at me, I finally gave him a desperate look; one that contained longing and sorrow. “Just.. help me do this. Silently.” He gave me a look of stone-cold horror, mouth opening in terror. “What? You want me to- Felix, I can’t do that.”

 

     I felt tears creeping into my eyes, looking at him in more desperation. “Monte, please. I’m begging you.. Please, Monte. Just go get his anti-depressants, and that’ll be it. Just go back in there, come back to check up on me, and act like you had no idea. Please, Monte..” He saw a tear roll down my cheek, and he finally sighed. “Fucking Christ, Felix. I- I can’t.” He seemed to think about it all for longer than I wanted him to, but he finally sighed in defeat as I kept staring him down in desperation and defeat. “..I’m not taking responsibility for this, Felix. You know that, right? Whether you live or die from this, it’s not my fault.” I nodded to him, watching him walk into the bathroom.

 

     When he came back, he held the prized possession I was looking for, along with a plastic cup full of water. “Just go back to them, Monte. Don’t worry about me anymore.” I watched him walk out and close the door behind him, and I finally sighed. I opened up the bottle, watching the majority of the pills fall out into my hand. I put them all into my mouth, feeling a gracious plenty of hard lumps against the insides of my cheek and on my tongue – I counted at least more than ten. I put the pill bottle down on the nightstand and then grabbed the cup, gulping down all of the water in it and feeling every pill slide down with it. I finally put the empty cup down, leaning back on the bed and waiting for my fate. I was ready.

 

**Monte’s Point of View**

 

     I joined Tony, Clay and Justin back in their room, Tony looking over at me in curiosity. “Is he alright?” I fought every instinct I had to tell them what was happening in the room across the hall, nodding my head. “Yeah. He just needed some reassurance. He said he was gonna take a nap or something, and he told me to come back in here.. so I decided to leave him be.” Tony nodded, shifting his body over to let me join him on the futon.

 

     I leaned over against Tony, sighing and finding secret solace and comfort in the warmth coming from his body. He patted my shoulder, smiling at me before sitting me back upright to look at Clay. “So Monte – with Bryce.. arrested, we’re all going back to school on Monday. I just figured I would tell you guys, since.. well, yeah. Justin, that includes you, too.” I nodded, stretching my arms in front of me just a bit.

 

     We passed the time with idle conversation, for about the next half hour or so. Tony reached into his pockets for his phone, only to realize he didn’t have it. He went to stand up and go out, but I put my hand on his thigh and shook my head, standing up. “Hey, don’t worry about it. I’ll go get it. It’s on the nightstand on the window’s side of the room, right?” He gave confirmation and I set off to go retrieve it, also making this the chance to check on Felix as he’d tipped me off to do so earlier.

 

     I walked out of Clay’s room and shut the door behind me, heading to the guest room door. I hesitated for a few short seconds, scared of what I might find on the other side, despite knowing what was going on. I pushed the door open and saw the pill bottle, open and forgotten on the nightstand beside him. He lay still on the bed, and I almost froze but snapped myself out of the shock and approached his body. I put two of my fingers on his wrist, feeling a pounding pulse – I felt for it from his chest as well, his heart pounding heavily. He was unconscious in front of me, and I noticed the further up I got on his body, the warmer he felt. I finally reached a hand to his forehead, feeling a definite fever.

 

     I finally shook my head and felt tears forming in my eyes, finally forcing my voice to shout out for someone. “C-Clay!!” I didn’t mean to sound so frantic, but it wasn’t able to be helped – I couldn’t control the tone at all. I turned around when I heard the door open across the hall, Clay approaching me quickly. I turned back to face Felix, Clay stopping still in the doorway beside me when he saw what I was staring at. He went to get Tony and Justin as I stayed in the room.

 

     When Clay came back with Justin and Tony, Tony ran to Felix and started shaking his body. “Felix!! Felix, wake up!” I ran out and into Clay’s room, finding his keys on his desk. “We need to get him to the hospital. If we call an ambulance, we’ll never get him there in time.” Clay took his keys while Tony slung Felix’s unconscious body over his shoulder, Justin following suit. I ran down with them, explaining to Lainie what was going on. She yelled at me to get out and go with them, that she could wait.

 

     I ran out and slammed the door behind me, jumping into the passenger seat as it was empty, Tony and Justin in the backseat with Felix in between them. Tony kept his fingers on Felix’s wrist, to make sure he was still alive the entire drive there. When we got to the hospital, we ran into the Emergency unit and I started yelling at the desk secretary. “We need him in the E.R, now! I think he overdosed. I found a bottle of Prozac on his nightstand.”

 

     The secretary called for help immediately, and soon doctors were rushing down the hallway with a stretcher. They took him away, my eyes full of tears for reasons that I doubted I would ever tell the three boys with me. I don’t think I could ever tell them that I knew what he’d done, knew that he’d do it.. that I even fucking helped him.

 

     I went to the waiting room with Clay, Justin and Tony, sitting down in one of the chairs by the windows on the entrance side of the building and holding my head in my hands. I felt a familiar hand on my back, looking up to see that it was Tony. “Hey, you can’t blame yourself. I can already tell what you’re thinking, and stop it; right now. This isn’t your fault.” _But it is. I can fucking blame myself. I gave him the_ _bottle_ _. He fucking begged me to do it and I helped him._ “You don’t-” “I don’t understand, right? It doesn’t matter; it’s not like you helped him do it. You told us yourself that he told you he was going to sleep. You didn’t know.”

 

     I swallowed the lump in my throat, shaking my head and looking away from him. “Tony, I-” I fought back the impending sob that was threatening to escape me, sighing deeply as I felt the tears that had been forming in my eyes fall down my cheeks. “All of you, come outside with me. I can’t talk about it in here.” I didn’t wait for them to answer, and I got up and took a quick pace in getting outside.

 

     I saw them quickly join me, and I stood against the brick wall behind me, looking down at the sidewalk in front of me. “Don’t get mad at me; don’t hate me. Please.” Clay gave a small sound of confusion, and I finally looked at them with teary eyes and spoke with a shaky voice. “He begged me to give him the pills. He begged me to fucking help him end it, and I didn’t want to. All of a sudden I thought of my-” I could already see Justin looking at me in disbelief as I stopped to sob heavily, my entire body shaking. “I thought of my mom, how she was suffering so fucking bad before she died.. and nobody would take her off of the god damn life support, no matter how much she begged for it. It was like he was her.. fucking begging for some relief to his pain and he wasn’t getting it. So I broke down and gave him the bottle.”

 

     I felt my knees buckle underneath me, my hands reaching up to hold my head tightly. I feared the absolute worst of the three boys in front of me, and the tension within me had me starting to whimper with each sob that left my body. I felt hands on my arms, looking up to see Justin and feeling more tears fall from my eyes. “Fuck, Monte.. I- I don’t..” I shook my head, averting my gaze to fall to his shoes, afraid to make eye contact with him anymore. “I don’t know what to say. I’m angry, but.. I feel even worse for you with why you did it. I- I don’t know which one to feel more.”

 

     Clay knelt down and held my chin, forcing me to look into his eyes. “Monte, listen. You never had an out for your mom after she passed away, so you never dealt with it; that much is obvious. I’m not mad at you, but next time you’re in deep shit like this.. you have to talk to us instead of acting on your emotions alone. You saw where that got me multiple times.” I sobbed and nodded my head, letting my body fall to sit on the sidewalk as Tony gently nudged them aside to hold me tightly, sitting on his knees in front of me.

 

     I sobbed and cried into his chest, closing my eyes tightly and starting to rock back and forth with pain and agony ripping through my entire body. “I fucking listened to him begging me to help him, to make it stop for him, and I couldn’t tell him no after what I saw her go through.. God fucking damn it, I could have killed him.. I’m sorry!!” Tony’s hand made its way to the back of my head, gripping it tightly and holding it close to his chest.

 

     We spent god knows how long like this before I managed to calm down, enough to the point where I finally felt comfortable enough to go back inside with them. It must have been a long while, because there was a doctor waiting for us at the desk. “Excuse me, I believe you all were with that young man, Felix?” I turned around and looked at him with eyes wide open in surprise, nodding my head. “Y-Yes, we are. Is he okay?”

 

     The older man nodded his head, running his fingers through his hair. “He is. It’s a miracle that he didn’t pass before you all got him here. Had you taken any longer, I fear he might not have made it.” I sighed deeply and turned to Tony, who wrapped his arms around me tightly to comfort me. I held onto him tightly as well, tears of relief filling up my eyes rather quickly. I pulled away from him and wiped my eyes dry, the doctor leading us down some halls to a room sequestered on the west side of the room we were in.

 

     I went in after the doctor left, standing in front of Tony, Clay and Justin and beside Felix. He looked over at me, and I had a hard time looking him in the eyes. “They know about everything, Felix. I’m sorry. I couldn’t not tell them.” Felix gave me eyes of anger, but immediately held curiosity in them right after. “When did you tell them?” “While we were here waiting. I didn’t find you for about another half hour at the house.”

 

     He sighed in defeat and looked past his feet to see Tony, Justin and Clay, and he looked ashamed. “I’m sorry.” Tony moved past me to stand beside Felix, putting his strong hands on Felix’s much smaller one. “Felix, don’t be sorry. You-” I put my hand on Tony’s shoulder, having a lot to say to Felix now that we were all here, all of us together.

 

     I looked down into Felix’s eyes, wiping away tears from my own. “You remember how I mentioned a few times that my mom passed away before I started school at Liberty?” When he nodded to me, I nodded my own head again. I slowly looked around for a chair, and Clay pulled the one from the corner over to me.

 

     I sat down and moved Tony’s hands, mine now moving to hold onto Felix’s own. “She passed from cancer. I still don’t know what type of cancer she had – dad never told me and part of me didn’t want to face what killed her, and I’m still not ready for that.” I sighed, shaking my head to keep my own composure. “While she was in the hospital, they had her on life support. If they took her off, she was dead. She was in so much pain and agony, even on all of the pain killers and shit they gave her. She never caught a break, and I felt bad that I couldn’t do anything to help her or to fix it, or make any of it go away.”

 

     I reached up to wipe tears from my eyes that were threatening to fall down my cheeks, Felix’s eyes looking at me in a mixture of shame and sympathy. “When you were lying there, fucking begging me to help you end it.. it was like I was looking at my mom in the hospital again. She constantly begged them to take her off of the life support, because she was so tired of constantly living in so much pain.. She was sick of suffering. I saw her in you the second you started begging me to help you do it, and no matter how much I tried to reason with myself that I shouldn’t, something inside of me told me that I would be a fucking piece of shit if I did to you what everyone else ever did to my mom when she was dying in a hospital..”

 

     I sobbed gently and let go of his hand to wipe the tears from my face that were falling down my cheeks, my body now hunched over and breaths uneven. “I nearly fucking killed you, and I’m sorry.. but I can’t fucking do that.. ever again. I want to help you, but I want to see you alive even more.. and if that means refusing you what you want most.. so be it.”

 

     Felix looked as if he had some.. new understanding of life, because he had the most sincere look of understanding about him than that of which I’ve ever seen on him before. “I know. I’m sorry I asked you to do that.. I’ve.. lost sight of who’s around me, who cares about me, and I put you all through hell, and for what? Because of what I did to myself. I can’t blame myself for what everyone else did to me, but I only have myself to blame for taking away my own freedom. And I took it out on you guys and I shouldn’t have. It was wrong, and I was being blind and stupid, thinking I could somehow start doing it on my own all of a sudden.”

 

     I sighed and nodded to him, leaning forward to ruffle his hair. “I’ll have Bill pull some strings and get you out of here without shipping you off to some.. facility, okay? But you have to promise us that you won’t do this again. And that if you want your own freedom back, you have to do it yourself. Curling your toes on adrenaline from sexual highs is something else entirely, Felix, and you can’t just get it all back so suddenly because you experienced that one thing.” He nodded to me, looking over to the doorway to see the doctor standing there.

 

     I looked over to him, moving back to let him check up on Felix to make sure he was okay. Meanwhile, I pulled out my phone and stepped outside of the room, calling Bill. It rang a few times before I heard him greet me warmly, and all I could do was greet him rather tiredly. “Hey sir. How’s it going today? … Listen, we need you to get to the hospital. It’s about Felix. … He’s fine now. I’ll explain it all when you get here. … Uh.. Let me ask him first.” I poked my head into the room, asking Felix if he would be alright with Zach and Alex coming with Bill. He was reluctant, but agreed to it. “Yeah, he said it was fine. … He’ll be in room T55, on the first floor. … Okay, sir. I’ll see you soon.”

 

     It didn’t take long after that for Bill to show up with Zach and Alex in tow. I had stayed outside of the room to wait for the three, and I looked up at Bill and nodded to him. “Okay, so before you guys go in.. there’s something I need to explain. He tried to kill himself with Clay’s Prozac, but..” Alex was floored and panicked, eyes wide open before Bill put his hand on his shoulder. “But that’s not exactly the entire truth. He asked me to help him do it – he fucking begged me to. And before you hate me, let me just say that I never dealt with the shit about my mom.. Alex, Zach, you both know I never did..”

 

     Zach stared me down with a nod and curious eyes, my own finally looking up to meet his gaze. “It was like my mom all over again. When she was in the hospital, on life support from her cancer symptoms, nobody would take her off of it.. no matter how much she begged for it. They thought she could make it. And when he started begging me to help him end it, it was like she was in that bed.” I felt Zach’s strong hands on my arms, my eyes tearing up again. “I couldn’t just.. let him keep suffering like that. I didn’t want to, but I started thinking of her and then I just broke down and gave him the bottle.. Tony, Clay and Justin already know about it; I told ‘em while we were waiting outside.”

 

     Zach’s arms pulled me in for a tight hug, my body melting against his own for just a few seconds before I pulled away. “I’m sorry. I shouldn’t have done that, but he’s also got some things to say too. Also, Bill, do what you can to get him back home to us from the hospital instead of a facility somewhere.” He nodded to me, patting my shoulder with a smile. “I think I can swing that for ya, kid.”

 

     The four of us finally went into the room to see Felix again, who immediately saw Alex and his face went pale. “A-Alex, I..” Alex walked over to his side as fast as he could with his cane in tow, tearing up and gripping his hand tightly with his good hand, my arms holding themselves out in case Alex’s stance faltered. “Felix, what the hell?” He felt tears rolling down his face, eyes desperately looking at Felix’s helpless form that lay in the bed. “What happened?”

 

     Felix seemed to look away from him and at his own feet again, and Tony stroked his hair to give him comfort. “I was just.. done. I.. I was sick of being confined to this life of restraint, and this fucking life of suffering. Being at the mercy of everyone else around me, and having doctors and nurses poking and prodding at me while they flip me around like a rag doll at the doctor’s appointments. Having people stare at me in public and at school.. I couldn’t take it anymore.”

 

     Bill walked up and rubbed his ankles through the blankets, making eye contact with him. “Kid, you can do this if you want to. You can get it all back if you set your mind to it. Look at Alex – we didn’t think he’d ever walk again, and here he is with a cane. You can do it.” I saw Felix lift his head up a little bit, nodding it at Bill. “Thank you sir. Can you get the doctor for me, please?” He left the room and asked for a doctor, but that it wasn’t an emergency of any sort. A few minutes later a doctor returned with Bill, and the older man greeted me at the side of the bed.

 

**Felix’s Point of View**

 

     I looked up into the doctor’s eyes, sighing deeply and giving him a look of utter determination. “Would it be alright if any of my friends helped me to start working on my walking until I’m allowed out of the hospital? We’ve been doing this at home, so we won’t need any assistance.” The doctor seemed to mill over it for a moment before nodding his head, smiling. “I don’t see why not. Just be careful, and call us if you need any help.” I nodded to him and thanked him, watching him walk out of the room.

 

     Immediately, I looked to Tony and Justin for their help, finally using my voice like I should have to begin with. “Both of you, help me, please.” Justin helped to get me out of the bed while Tony stood at the end of the room, which wasn’t too far from me. I looked to Justin while he stood with his arms around my chest, and once I was certain he had a tight enough grip on me, I started to force every ounce of willpower I could muster into making my legs move.

 

     First my right leg started to drag itself forward, but not too far before I felt myself getting drained already. Normally it wouldn’t have tired me out this soon, but it had been so long since I had gotten up with Tony in the mornings to do our usual routine to have me get ready for school. I shook my head and took a deep breath, grimacing both physically and verbally with a pained groan as I started trying to move my left leg. I had to stop again, breathing deeply and leaning over against Justin for support.

 

     I noticed him look at me from the corner of my eyes and give me a concerned look, eyes looking at me carefully. “Do you need to stop?” I took a moment to get my strength back, shaking my head to him and looking back to Tony. “No. Keep going.” I started slowly moving my right leg forward again, then the left. It was a struggle that took up about ten more minutes, but as soon as I reached Tony I felt my legs give out from whatever energy I had expended in keeping them strong enough to move.

 

     He caught me in his hold and braced me against his strong body, holding me tightly and looking into my eyes. “Good job. Now it’s time to get you back into bed. No, you’re not walking back to it – you’ve spent enough energy for the day. You haven’t exactly been doing this every morning anymore, so don’t even think about it. We can’t have you overexerting yourself. Come on, back into bed.” He picked me up and had Justin grab my legs to put me back into bed, adjusting me until I said I was comfortable.

 

     I finally looked over to Zach at the corner of the room, who greeted me with a smile. “I-.. sorry I didn’t say anything to you sooner. I just figured I would let you talk on your own time.” I shook my head and shrugged my shoulders, looking back up into his eyes. “No.. it’s fine. I was just caught up with everything, so it’s okay.”

 

     I yawned and lay my head back down, closing my eyes and curling my head down into the soft blankets that I’d been provided with. The bed was uncomfortable, but the blankets felt fucking amazing, at least. I closed my eyes and sighed deeply, a sense of shame creeping back into me as I began to reflect on everything that had gone on for the past.. well, day, would be a lie. It’s been a long time now.

 

     A nurse came in with a clipboard and a pen, a woman. She had a bright smile on her face and the bluest eyes I’d ever seen – fair skin too. She was dressed in the typical nurse scrubs, except hers were white with various old-school cartoons on them. “Hello there, Felix. I’m Katie, the mental health nurse for this wing of the emergency floor. Could I talk to you privately for just a few minutes?”

 

     I looked from her to Tony and Monte in a bit of panic, eyes full of fear and shame as I looked back to her. “Can these two stay with me with, please ma’am?” She nodded her head to me, smiling sweetly as she pulled the chair up closer to the bed and sat in it. “Of course, dear.” Everyone else filed out of the room while Tony and Monte stood at the other side of the bed, Monte holding my hand while Tony’s own rested on my shoulder.

 

     She clicked her pen to bring out of the ink tip, looking down at her papers before sitting back. “So to the extent of your comfort, tell me about what happened, sweety.” I sighed and looked into her eyes after staring at my feet for a few seconds, looking back at Monte as he squeezed my hand for comfort. “Well, I don’t know if you know this already, but I’m not able to move my lower half very well. Some odd months ago, I attempted suicide by trying to shoot myself in the head and it didn’t work out. I woke up paralyzed from the waist down. Over time, I’ve been able to work on that so that I could start walking again, but lately my life has gotten frustrating. My dad passed away just recently, and I’ve been having to relive certain things because of court too. My mobility issues have been getting to me more than usual, and I finally got way too sick of it and tried to end it myself.”

 

     Katie scribbled down some things on her paper, then shifted her vision back to me after a few minutes. “What state of mind are you in right now? How do you feel?” “Well, I’m ashamed of what I did today. I don’t wanna do it again or anymore, and I wanna keep living more than I ever have before.” She smiled, which brought out the same from me. She rubbed my leg through the blankets, looking into my eyes. “I’m really happy to hear that, sweetheart. Nobody ever deserves to feel that low, and I’m very happy to know you don’t feel that way right now.”

 

     She wrote down a couple more things, soon looking back up to me and clicking her pen shut. “Well Felix, sweety, I’m going to go have a few words with the mental health specialist of this wing. I’ll be back in just a little while with news of where you’ll be headed tomorrow once this is all settled.” I looked confused, and looked back at Monte then to Katie again. “Tomorrow?” “Since you did overdose with pills, the doctors want to keep you overnight just to be sure no damage was done.” I sighed and nodded to her, closing my eyes and leaning back in the bed again. “Go ahead and take a nap if you’d like. I’ll be back soon.”

 

     I heard her exit the room, and once I opened my eyes, I saw Tony going back to the door. “Do you want me to tell the others to go home?” I shook my head, looking right at his eyes. “No. I want Clay and Justin to stay.” Tony stuck his head back out of the door to talk, and I heard Monte start to speak to me. I looked over to him, yawning a bit. “Katie seems really sweet, don’t you think?” I nodded to him, smiling to myself and then whining when I couldn’t seem to pull the blankets up anymore. Monte seemed to notice, as he went to the foot of the bed and took the blankets out from underneath the mattress so that I could do as I pleased. I smiled at him again, cuddling my mouth and chin into the blankets.

 

     Justin and Clay returned to the room, and I looked up at them and yawned once more. “You can go to sleep if you want. I’ll wake you up when she comes back, if you want me to.” I listened to Clay’s voice from the foot of the bed, nodding my head using my strength to roll over onto my side. It didn’t take too much effort to do so, as I was used to doing it this way for the longest time now, it felt like.

 

     I don’t know when I drifted off to sleep, but I woke up to Monte talking with Tony, Clay and Justin, and I stretched my arms out in front of me with a yawn. “Hey there, sleepy-head.” I grumbled at Tony for the nickname, pouting at him. “How long was I asleep?” “Just half an hour.” I nodded, Justin looking over to me. “The nurse said she’d be back in a minute. She ran by and told us – Monte shook you awake.” I nodded to him, lying my head back down and slowly waking up in my own ways.

 

     Katie tapped on the open door to alert me of her presence, and I opened my eyes back up to see her smiling sweetly at me. “Hey there, Felix. I spoke with the specialist, and he said that you’ll be clear to go tomorrow morning. Officer Standall was present via phone, and he will be escorting you. That’s all I had to tell you. Dinner will be round shortly, however you can have something from elsewhere if you’d like one of your friends to grab something for you. We’re not too strict about it here.” I nodded to her, smiling as she excused herself. “Thanks Miss Katie.”

 

     The rest of the day wasn’t spent doing too much – I went back to sleep after a while, Tony and Monte staying with me while Clay and Justin went back home that night to reassure Lainie, which I couldn’t blame them for that. The next afternoon, they had already gotten all of my things together and me dressed for the day in the clothes I’d arrived in. Clay and Justin had come back to take us home, and Katie was at the front desk to see me off when we went to the front. I hugged her tightly and wished her well, waving back to her as Justin wheeled me away.

 

     We got outside and the first thing I saw was a cop car. At first I thought nothing of it, then I saw Bill get out. I was confused when he didn’t immediately smile to me and looked at Clay and Justin beside me, visibly showing worry on my face. “Hey there, sir. Is there anything wrong?”

 

     He said not a word to any of us, or Justin who had spoken to him, and looked at me and sighed. “We were instructed to pick you up here at the door. We’re going to an inpatient facility.”

 

     Immediately my jaw dropped open and I shook my head, looking back to Justin and stammering. Out of the peripheral vision, I saw Tony and Monte making their way to us with my things in their hands. Bill sighed deeply and shook his head, kneeling down and looking into my eyes once he had my attention again. “I’m sorry Felix. It’s the law with things like this. She still felt that you needed care, and you can’t get that at home. Not until you get through the worst of it now.”

 

     Monte cocked one of his eyebrows and looked at Bill, just as confused as I was. “Wait, what’s going on?” Once Bill repeated where I was being taken, Monte dropped my bag and knelt down in front of me, hugging me tightly with Tony. “Listen to me, Felix. Go. You need to get through this, and we can’t honestly help you with that. We’ll all be right here waiting for you for when you’re able to come home. Bill, you’ll be there to bring him home, right?”

 

     He nodded his head, closing his eyes to think for a few moments. “Yes, I will. Felix, let’s go.” After a few moments of getting me into the passenger seat, mt wheelchair into the back and bag of things alongside it, we were finally ready to go.

 

     Tony and Monte were at the window to see me off, my eyes full of worry. “Felix, we’ll be right here when you come home. We’ll be there – we promise.” Both of them kissed me deeply before I let go of their hands, Bill putting the car into the drive and pulling away while rolling up my window.

 

     He reached over and held my shoulder, keeping his eyes on the road. “It’s alright, Felix. This is the best thing for you. I know it doesn’t seem like it right now, but it’ll get easier once you go through their treatment at the facility. They’re trained to help people in positions like you’re in, but your friends aren’t able to do that all the time. I’m sorry we tricked you before you left, son. You wouldn’t have come with us so willingly otherwise. We all love you, and that’s why we did it this way. You’ll be okay.”

 

     I nodded my head, watching the scenery go by before watching us pull onto a major highway. “Thank you, sir.”

 

     About three hours passed us by before we arrived at a decently-sized one-story building, with a bright white exterior to match the black roofing. Bill parked up front by a ramp, and then proceeded to get out and get me into my wheelchair. “Alright bud – let’s go.”

 

     He began to wheel me into the building with my bag in tow over his shoulder, and the interior of the building had me fairly optimistic about how I’d feel about the experience. There were happy pastels covering the walls, and lightly tan colored wooded floors. Although optimistic about the experience I would have, I was scared. I had no idea what to expect once I was wheeled inside – how I would be treated, or what the people inside would think of me.

 

     Bill got me to the front desk and started talking with the secretary, who began typing rather quickly on her keyboard. From what I could see, she had beautiful dirty-blonde hair and fair skin. I couldn’t quite see her eyes or face, but she had the sweetest voice.

 

     “Alright. Felix Cavenaugh. It looks like you’re a new patient in our system and-” She seemed to stop very abruptly, soon motioning for Bill to roll me a bit further to her left. “I’m so sorry, honey. I couldn’t quite see you too well, and I’m sure you couldn’t see me either.” I laughed a bit nervously and nodded, looking into her bright green eyes. “Well, you’re new in our system so we’ll have to get some information on you. Most of it was sent by the hospital a little while ago, so we won’t need much. Just information about allergies. Are you allergic to anything at all?” I shook my head. “Alright. Sir, if you would take him in there and have him change into these scrubs, that would be perfect. You’re signed in – a nurse from the back will be out shortly to escort you inside.”

 

     Bill took the pastel blue scrubs from the secretary and wheeled me into the bathroom, shutting and locking the door behind us. After not much effort on either of our parts, he had me changed and back in the wheelchair. We went back to the desk to wait for the nurse, my bag now in the possession of the secretary so she could hand it to the nurse.

 

     The wait was filled with a lot of silence and tension, but then when he appeared I looked at Bill with fear and sadness in my eyes. He knelt down in front of me, putting his hands on my knees and making eye contact with me. “Felix, listen to me. My phone number is right here. You call me and I can let you talk with Alex too. I already wrote down Clay’s and Tony’s, so you have everyone to talk to. I had Alex give me your mother’s number, and that’s right there too. Don’t worry bud – everything is going to be okay. You’re going to be in good hands here – the staff here is wonderful.”

 

     I sobbed lightly and nodded my head, hugging him tightly for almost a full minute before he let go. I watched him walk out of the front doors, my shaky hands finally wheeling myself to the nurse who stood waiting at the door that led to the back of the facility. When we got to the other side, I was led to a hallway that held an office without doors and with big windows – I guess mainly to observe everything.

 

     There were people all over the place, but one face stood out to me that I didn’t think I would see ever again – Bryce Walker. I felt my blood run cold and looked away, tapping the nurse on the hand to get his attention. Once he was knelt down beside me, I shook my head and finally made eye contact with him. “I can’t be here. There’s someone here that I-”

 

     The nurse shut me down immediately, wheeling me down the hallway and to the room I was staying in. It was fit to hold one person, and spacious enough to let my wheelchair roam freely throughout without bumping into anything. Once he had me inside, he shut the door to the room and sat on the edge of the bed to face me. “So what’s wrong?”

 

     I sighed deeply and closed my eyes, inhaling deeply to try and ground myself before speaking. “There’s a guy here that I’ve had some really bad experiences with. His name is Bryce Walker. He raped me some odd months ago, which led to me attempt suicide right after the incident upon arriving home. We heard he was taken into custody, but I didn’t think they would put him in a facility.”

 

     The nurse nodded throughout everything I said, soon placing a firm hand on my shoulder. “He can’t do anything to you here. Nobody is allowed to touch anyone, and there’s nothing here he can hurt you with. Nurses are watching all of you at all times, so he won’t be able to be alone with you. We won’t let anything happen, we can promise you that.”

 

     I nodded to him, and after asking if I needed help with anything, I shook my head and let him leave. I ended up waiting in the room until the first group activity, which was a group therapy session. I wheeled myself to the group activity room, which was large and had chairs all in a circle. By the time I got there, Bryce and the other patients had already found where they would sit. I wheeled myself to the end, between an empty space and another patient.

 

     They finally started the activity, and Bryce was the first to volunteer to speak. “My name is Bryce Walker, and I attended Liberty High School in Evergreen County. The reason I’m here is because I was deemed a threat to society due to sexual battery, and the person I did it to is here today.” He made eye contact with everyone but me, while my eyes stayed on him the entire time he spoke. “Felix, I know nothing I say will change what I did, but I’m sorry. I’ve been here ever since they took me into custody, and it’s given me time to reflect. I still have a long way to go, and I’m old enough to know better, but if you look at my father you will see a man that portrays the same behavior that I have. I thought it was how I should act as well, so that’s what I did.”

 

     I felt tears welling up in my eyes, which were now closed as I was now fighting a battle in my head. He was volunteering information to a group that otherwise had no business knowing any of it, all on his own, and what he said had validity behind it – children adopt their behaviors from the world around them, and there’s no telling that his father could very easily have taught his son to do what he does now. At the same time, he knew better than to do what he has done, and who the fuck would I be to forgive that?

 

     Finally after a long couple of minutes, I looked at the nurse and sighed deeply while wiping the tears from my eyes. “If someone at the front desk stays in the office, can I talk with Bryce in the main room?”

 

     The nurse in charge of the activity nodded to me, smiling as she then proceeded to the next patient for the activity. I wheeled myself out of the room and heard Bryce trailing behind, and soon I parked myself in the main room of the facility. I waited until Bryce sat across from me, and finally looked him in the eyes. “What is this? What are you trying to do to me here?”

 

     Bryce shook his head to me and sighed, sitting back in the chair and resting against the back of it. “Felix, I’m not trying to do anything to you. Not anymore. I never had any other behavior from a male figure to look at as “right”, so what I did to you felt right. When I did that shit to Monte, something in me said it was wrong. I was supposed to be given time behind bars for what I did, but my mom opted for a correction program here instead. I agreed, because I wanted to change what I was doing and get away from my dad.”

 

     I shook my head, looking away from him and sighing in frustration. “How do I know you’re not lying to me, Bryce?”

 

     What he said next floored me, and forced me to see truth in what he was saying to me. “Because you know I wouldn’t just volunteer this shit for just anybody to hear. When have I ever just admitted what I’ve done in front of anybody at all, and when have I ever apologized for it?”

 

     I finally looked up at him, right into his eyes, seeming to fight in my mind about what I should say. Then I started speaking before I could even determine it was the right thing to say. “Bryce, I don’t know if I’ll forgive you, and I can never forget what you did, but I know how easy it is to adopt the behaviors around you. I saw it happen to Alex, and Tony too, so I know there’s truth in that at least. I doubt we’ll ever be friends under the current circumstances, but what I can say is that I hope this program helps to fix things. I’ll never say what you did was right, but I know that behavior came from somewhere – all I’ve ever heard from Justin about who you were growing up is good. I only ever heard good things from him about you back then.”

 

     Bryce gave me a small nod, soon looking me dead in the eyes. “Felix, I’m sorry. I don’t ever mean to hurt people, especially not like that – all I ever heard from my dad was how I should just take if I want it, or that if the other person really loved me, they would just give it to me. I never questioned it until Monte, when the one person I truly cared for as a friend was drugged underneath me and all I could think about was sex. I’m-”

 

     When he stopped speaking, I looked back at him again after having looked away mid-sentence, and I saw tears in his eyes – something I had never witnessed from Bryce before. My mouth gaped open, and I was honestly shocked to see it. “I’m so ashamed of what I’ve done, Felix. I didn’t think it would be this bad, but he’s so awful and it makes me sick that I’ve done to you and the rest of them what my dad has done to probably so many more people. I’m so sorry.”

 

     I listened to him with my mouth hung open, in awe at what I was hearing. “It’ll get better, Bryce. I don’t know if they will with me or Monte, but what I can tell you is that you would do well to apologize once you get out of here. Sincerely apologize. Whether they believe you or not is up to them, and they probably won’t, but things will be right with you if you at least try. That’s all we can ever ask of ourselves – to try. I can’t say for certain that you aren’t just trying to play me right now, but the fact that you’re at least apologizing in any capacity says something to me.”

 

     Finally, the nurse in the office came over with a small pill for each of us and some water to take it with – it turns out that it was an anti-depressant and anti-anxiety medication. Bryce was also notified that it was time for phone calls if he wished to make any, and he went to the phone and dialed a number. As the conversation went on, I came to realize he was talking with his father. He sounded angry at his dad, that he would teach him to be like this. It was painful to hear, because Bryce sounded truly upset about everything, and it made it hard to truly be angry at him.

 

     When Bryce was done with the phone, I wheeled myself over and took the sheet of paper from the pocket of the scrubs I was wearing. I dialed Clay’s number, and he picked up after the third ring. “Hey Clay – it’s me. I’m here. I’ll talk with you shortly, but I want to talk to Justin.”

 

     After a couple of minutes had passed, I heard the familiar yet aloof voice call my name. “Hey Justin, it’s me. … Yeah, everything’s fine here so far. I just miss home. … So something happened during the group activity here, and I really don’t know what to think. … Bryce is here because his mom worked to opt in for a correction program here instead of time. He apologized, and he honestly sounds really sincere about it. I’m not forgiving him, don’t get me wrong. I just- he said he picked up on it from his dad, and given that Alex was around the wrong people for a while after his behavior went south, I’m really inclined to believe what he’s saying is true. … I told him that if he truly wanted things to get better, he would do good to apologize to people once he got out, whether anybody believed him or not. I just don’t know what exactly to feel or think about it. He did something really fucking awful to me, but he sounds legitimately sincere about everything he’s saying to me. It’s confusing. … I know.” I looked over to see the nurse signaling to me that someone else was waiting for the phone, and to wrap things up. “Hey, I gotta go. Someone else is waiting to use the phone, but call Bill and let him know things are okay. Don’t mention anything about Bryce to him – I don’t want him to worry. Just tell him to let Alex know I’m okay. Let Tony and Monte know too. … Okay. I’ll talk to you guys soon. Bye.”

 

     I hung up and sighed to myself with a bit of relief as I wheeled myself away, reluctantly going back to where Bryce and I had been conversing. “Was everything okay with your dad? From how you were responding, it sounded like he was mad at you.”

 

     Bryce shrugged his shoulders, his eyebrows knitted as he appeared to be trying to figure out what to say. “He was telling me how dare I even accuse him of teaching me such bullshit. He’s so full of himself – always has been. As long as he’s profiting from it, he doesn’t care what happens to the person doing the dirty work for him.” I sighed with exasperation, shaking my head and soon looking up into his eyes. “Bryce, I won’t ever forget what you did, and it’ll take me a long time to forgive you, but I think starting off on a fresh slate would do us both a lot of good. We’re both trying to fix ourselves, and fixating on the past won’t help us do that.”

 

     With a nod, Bryce smiled slightly to me. “I think that’s best. I’m slowly learning here what’s right and wrong, and rediscovering myself. I never want to hurt anybody again – not intentionally, and not like that, ever again. I know it’ll be hard to place even a fraction of trust into me again, but thank you for being willing to let the past stay there to start fresh with me. I would like to think that I could do better as a person than who my father built me to be, and I think it’s admirable of you to give me the chance to do better.”

 

     Over the next four days, I was watched closely to see how I improved and handled things. It was rocky, but things eventually smoothed out by the end of the second day there, and I was deemed ready for release by day four. I wrote my phone number on a small piece of paper and handed it to Bryce as I was waiting for the nurse to announce that Bill had arrived, my eyes looking deeply into Bryce’s. “I want you to call me every day and tell me how things are going. I’ve been talking with everyone, and while it’s taken a lot of heavy persuasion from me, they’re going to do their best to try and take in the new you like we did with Monte. Jessica’s a different story, and Clay is too, but they’ll do their best if you do yours. Okay?”

 

     Bryce nodded and then did something I’d never known him to do before, which led me to believe that something within him had changed in some way already. “Felix, before you go, is it alright if I hug you?” He just asked for my permission. The world around us seemed to become nonexistent to me as I knew it, and I nodded to him. He put his strong arms around me, and for a few seconds we just sat there enjoying each other’s close company. I finally let him go and he pulled away, nodding to me. “Alright Felix. I’ll call you tomorrow.”

 

     I nodded to him and turned myself around, seeing that the nurse was waiting for me at the door with my things in tow. I waved to Bryce and the other patients still there, wheeling myself out with the nurse to see Bill standing at the counter. He walked over and hugged me tightly, and I wrapped my arms around him tightly as well, happy to have him back at my side. When I was signed out, Bill got me into the car and put my things in the backseat, and after a moment began to drive away.

 

     “So Felix – tell me how things went here. I didn’t directly talk to you while you were here, so I’ve missed out on a lot of things, I’m sure.”

 

     I nodded my head, sighing deeply before looking over at him. “Keep driving, but Bryce was there.”

 

     I saw Bill’s knuckles start to turn white as he fought to keep his composure, but remained straight-faced while asking me a few things. “He didn’t say anything to you, did he? What was he doing there, anyway?”

 

     I sighed a bit and lay my head back against the headrest, watching scenery pass the car by. “We talked to each other, actually. The first conversation we personally had included him telling me his mother opted for a correctional program with the behavioral facility instead of doing time. I actually thought it was good he was going through it, because the entire time I was there he seemed to be very sincere about wanting to change, Bill. He apologized to me in front of the group, to me one-on-one, and even started crying to me over his shame. I personally thought, for at least a minute the first day, that he really meant it.”

 

     Bill seemed to be wary of my words, nodding his head to me and stopping at a light, then proceeding to make a turn onto the interstate. “Felix, you’re an adult now and I can’t tell you how to live your life, disabled as you are. All I ask of you is that you just be careful. You know how things have gone with him before, and I just don’t want to see you get hurt again.”

 

     I gave Bill a smile, even if he couldn’t fully see it due to him driving. “I know. The reason I decided to wipe the slate clean was because he seemed to really be trying, and the most important thing to me was that despite him pointing out that it was learned behavior, he took blame for what he’s done to people and wanted to follow through on changing it and getting better. Before I left, he even asked for my permission to hug me. It wasn’t the hug, it was the permission. He could be playing me, but that was so important and I think he’s trying. So I’m trying to start clean with him in return for him trying to get better. I think if he were to start fresh and be just himself without his father’s behaviors influencing him, I think he would fit in well with all of us. So I’m willing to let him try.”

 

     Finally resigning to trust me, he nodded to me and turned his head for a few seconds to smile at me. “Alright, Felix. Get some rest if you’d like – I’ll wake you up once we get to Clay’s house.”

 

     I never ended up sleeping, but rather just gazed out the window instead. After some odd hours, we finally arrived at Clay’s house. I took my seatbelt off and waited for Bill to get me out. He picked me up and carried me on his back to the front door, Clay being the first to open the door. He had the biggest smile on his face, calling for Justin, Tony, Alex and Monte. He went to the car to grab my bag and wheelchair, and once he set it up in the doorway, Bill put me down in it. “Alright Felix. I’ve gotta head back to work now. I’ll be in touch. See you later, boys.”

 

     I wasn’t really paying much attention to anybody else but Alex, once he and company were downstairs. I averted my gaze from him very abruptly, nervous to even face him after making Monte help me attempt to take my own life and also make him attempt murder. “Hey.” I looked back up into Alex’s eyes as he called to me, and he smiled at me very sweetly. “Welcome home, Felix. I’m glad you’re back.”

 

     Tony knelt down and hugged me tightly, his strong and callused fingers gripping the back of my shirt. “Welcome home. We’re having a big spread for dinner tonight. Let’s go upstairs so we can all catch up.” He picked me up from the chair and put me on his back, all of us heading up to Clay and Justin’s room. Tony put me down on the futon, where he and Monte joined me. Alex sat down in the desk chair, and Clay and Justin both sat on the bed after Clay closed and locked the door.

 

     Clay looked at me, smiling warmly. “So, how was it there?”

 

     I shrugged my shoulders, soon smiling back at him. “It was okay. I mean, I was homesick, but the other patients there were really nice to me.” I gave Justin a look before gazing back to Clay. “Especially one of them.”

 

     Justin knew where I was headed with this, and he sighed deeply and interjected. “I want all of you to try and remain level-headed about this. Go ahead Felix.”

 

     I nodded my head, sighing deeply and soon looking back to Justin. “Bryce was there too. He was taken into custody that day I got the text that they got Bryce, but Alex’s dad wouldn’t say where or why. Bryce filled me in on the rest. His mom opted for a correctional program at the behavioral facility instead of doing time, and Bryce agreed. While he pointed out that he learned the behavior from his dad, he took blame and full responsibility for everything and even expressed shame for all that he’s done. Don’t get me wrong, I didn’t want to believe him at first – I thought he was just trying to fake it to get through the program. Then one day turned into four, and he wasn’t acting like that for just one of those days. He was like that for all four. The first day I was there, I heard him on the phone with his dad. He told me later on that his dad was angry at him for even suggesting he was responsible for what he taught Bryce.”

 

     I paused, taking a few breaths and then continuing on. “His dad makes me sick. I don’t know how someone could teach their son to be that way, but either Bryce is just being really fucking convincing, or he really means it. Shit, on my first day there he cried to me about how sorry he was. Literally, he cried to me. I think he means it, and that’s not even the biggest thing he did. Before I left today, he wanted to hug me goodbye and asked for my permission first. I think that’s when everything sank in that he really does want to change, because Bryce as we knew him wouldn’t ask first – he’d just take it, but this time even for something small, he asked me first.”

 

     Monte was the one who was most in awe, Alex coming in a close second. “This is.. a lot.”

 

     Justin sighed and looked at me, my eyes looking confused. “I think he means all of it, because his dad always was a little.. much. I never saw him ask Bryce’s mom for anything – he’d just do what he wanted. So Bryce saying he learned what he always did from his dad makes sense, as much as any of us here would like to believe anything else.”

 

     Clay sighed deeply and looked at me, and I hesitantly looked into his eyes. I knew I had opened up a can of worms by trying to start over with Bryce, because the look of sheer pain, frustration and also confusion in Clay’s eyes made me wish for just a second that I could take it back. “Felix, I hope for your sake that this works out. I know – it was your choice. Nobody here, not even me, will take that away from you. This just involved more than just you.”

 

     I nodded my head to him, sighing deeply and feeling a few tears creep into my eyes. “I know. Clay, I want you to know why I did this. All of us need to move forward in order to heal. Moving forward with any situation means coming to terms with and accepting all sides of the situation that caused us pain in the first place. That means accepting that he _did_ learn that behavior, and that it _did_ come from his dad. It means accepting that he’s taking responsibility for his own behavior, learned or not, and accepting blame for what he’s done to all of us. What he did was huge, awful, and scarring, but anything done by anyone can’t be taken back, and it can’t be changed. Anything done is in the past, and when we’re trying to heal from our past, what good will it do to fixate on it? Justin is in agreement that he appears to really want to change and means it. I think he means it. If he does and he’s trying to change, what good will it do to hold on to the bad and never let it go? We have to cleanse ourselves of the bad before we can live and experience the good. So I decided that since he willingly went to the program and is willingly trying to change, I should give him a chance.”

 

     Clay moved to pick up the framed photo of he and Hannah from his desk, his eyes welling up with tears and hand shaking as it held the frame. “As painful as everything he did was, I can agree with you for the simple fact that I think Hannah would want us all to move on and get better.”

 

     I watched Justin reach over and wipe a tear that threatened to fall from Clay’s cheek, my heart sinking as I felt somewhere inside of me that what I had done was wrong. Before I knew it, I was speaking before I could even think about what it was I was saying. “Clay, I’m sorry. I know I should have said something first before agreeing to even give him a chance because it’s about more than just me.”

 

     “No Felix – you’re right.” I looked up at Clay again, a confused look on my face. “That’s something I had to learn to accept after the tapes. Not everything is meant to be handled. Sometimes the past needs to stay there, and I think if he’s trying to change, his past should stay there too.”

 

     I smiled at him, wiping my own tears away. “I think it’s admirable of you to agree with me Clay. Thank you for trying your best. We can tell Jessica tomorrow, but I think for now we should relax and get back to something good.”

 

     We watched TV together downstairs until dinner was ready, and we all enjoyed each other’s company again for the first time in almost a week. It was nice to be home again, I slept great again for the first time in months with Tony and Monte by my sides.

 

• ☾✩☽•


End file.
